Adoption Update

The week we moved, back in April, I contacted the Bethany office we'd be working with here in Florida to make sure they had received our file and to get information about moving forward with our adoption in our new home. At that point, it seemed the transfer would be relatively smooth. We were told we'd need to be completely moved in before they could do our updated home study for our new house.

I contacted the office in June to tell them we were moved in and to set up the home study appointment. I was told our caseworker would contact me soon to set that up but was out of the country on a missions trip at the time. We waited almost three weeks without hearing anything. I called the office again and found out they were in the middle of a baby boom with around 7 placements occurring within a few weeks time and that they just did not have the staff to serve everyone currently. The bottom line was that we would have to wait until things settled down in order for our file to move forward. We had to readjust our expectations and realize this office is not as fully staffed as the MI office was and trust again that the timing of our placement is in God's hands.

We then received a slew of paperwork we needed to complete to meet FL adoption requirements which was unexpected and a bit discouraging considering all the paperwork we had already completed through our application process. There's a reason it's called a paper pregnancy, right?! Although it took us until the end of July/beginning of August to complete all of that, we learned more about our new area, tracking down finger printing locations and Sheriff's offices, etc.

Finally, on Monday, we received the call we'd been anticipating and are thrilled to have our home study addendum set up for next Thursday at 3 PM! We are hoping to be a Florida waiting family by the end of Sept, Lord willing- almost a full year since we were originally a waiting family in MI! Nothing like making an already lengthy and challenging endeavor even longer and more challenging! :) All along though, we have been reminded that our expectation is in God alone, not our agency, nor in our ability to market ourselves successfully to birthparents. We want to be thorough and diligent in doing what we need to do, but it is comforting to know he has gone before us.

Thank you to those who have been faithfully praying and eagerly waiting with us. We will let you know when we are officially (and finally) on the waiting list here in FL!

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Abounding Grace

We are winding down our second week of school. There's been enough grace to go around and we have every reason to believe "God is able to make [more] grace abound to [us], so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, [we] may abound in every good work." (2 Corinthians 9:8)

Here are some pictures of us celebrating our last day of summer as a family and a few more pictures from the past couple weeks of school.

Storms were threatening so the beach was abandoned, but we had fun collecting shells and flying kites.

 

The boy wouldn't stand still! Typical!

 

Exploring our new city. Hre we are at the Jacksonville Landing. Thankfully Ruby and Schaeffer had safe ones! ;)

Tradition of back to school manis and pedis!

Ruby, our empathetic girl, made Schaeffer this book to encourage him that they would have fun when she got home from school.

In addition to the book, she also made him a necklace to remember her by throughout the day. It was inscribed "Ruby's Boy" to match the "Daddy's Girl" necklace she received for the school year from her Daddy.

The packed-full backpacks. I bet you'll never guess whose is whose! ;)

The sweeties on their first day, along with a salamander Ruby found on the sidewalk!

Walking in on the second day.

The line of cars waiting to pick up kids after school. You can't tell here, but it was about 6 lanes wide! Thankfully, it has gotten much shorter this second week.

One of the things we miss most this summer is using our firepit since more heat is the last thing you want in Florida summers. We tell the kids maybe we'll use the fire pit over Christmas! Until then, we made oven s'more dip for an after dinner first-day-of-school treat.

Schaeffer really is enjoying being an only child for a few hours a day. Here are my super boys on Matt's day off. Schaeffer asked him if they could match.

He loves not having to share the Wii!

Looking deceivingly angelic as we color at the table.

This is more like it. We're getting good at building bat caves!

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Grace For Every Hurdle

It's been a few weeks since your ninth birthday. Did I really think if I didn't write my annual post to you I could bypass the reality that we most likely only have nine more years together? And I feel like your dad and I are still hunched over you in the back seat, trying to figure out how to get your blasted car seat out of our car, so we can carry you into the house for the first time!

You firstborn children have a hard way to go in some respects. Your firsts are our firsts, so sometimes we hobble along together taking first bites, steps, swims, and drives. We learn early that he catches us when we're falling, steadies us when we aren't as ready for that next step as we thought, calms us when we're the ones up crying in the middle of the night, and encourages us when we thought we should be done cleaning up messes by now, but instead the messes are bigger and worse than a pile of crumbs on the floor after dinner. And through it all, we feel the unrelenting clock and calendar keep pushing us forward to the next phase.

So, it has pushed us to the start of your fourth grade year. Around here, I feel like we're training for the Olympics as we get ready for the next grade of school. We've had our talks - and yes one of them was "the" talk. We've studied the Word. I've warned you of the hard path of the sinner, and I've reminded you that the year ahead is as bright as the promises of God. You know that fearing the Lord is living in the awareness of him - he's always with you, loving you, caring for you, and providing just what you need - and from that awareness flows true wisdom and knowledge.

But still my heart trembles when I think of letting you go again into another year without me. And this public school mama with a homeschool heart has to remind herself of victories past as we face the first day at a new school all over again.

The first morning of school last year, I got a message from a likeminded friend who walked a similar path, encouraging me that the Spirit would be faithful to give us grace for every hurdle. Oh how I needed those words! Just pulling into the parking lot on that first day was a hurdle, let alone walking those crowded halls full of strangers, and then letting you go under someone else's care for 7 1/2 hours a day. It took weeks before I wouldn't cry as I ran errands and drove by the exit for your school, knowing you guys were close but not with me.

The year definitely presented it's hurdles, but just as my friend reminded me, the Spirit gave grace for each one.

About a week into school, Daddy was walking out after dropping you off and introduced himself to the assistant headmaster, Al Carter. Your dad gave him his church business card, telling Al he was a pastor in the area and that he was praying for him. He had no idea that new-to-the-area headmaster was a Liberty grad and would visit our church the following Sunday with his Wheaton grad wife and their two kids. He had no idea that first quick exchange in the hall would result in their meeting weekly for early morning coffee and spiritual encouragement. But God did. Grace!

Thankful for our friendship with Al and Liz!

The year started off with a 'big bang' (literally) when your teacher presented a differing view of origins than you believe. You raised your hand and questioned and challenged. You had to learn to do it respectfully and to kindly interact with others who don't hold your beliefs. It was an early lesson in showing love and honor while disagreeing. Grace!

At Thanksgiving, you got to do a presentation poster featuring people, places, and things you were thankful for. You had the idea to include Jesus in the "person" category, our church as one of the "places," and the Bible in the "thing" column. You described why you were thankful for each one. "Because he's perfect, because they are loving friends, and because it teaches us." Grace!

Around Christmas, I volunteered to work in the Secret Santa shop and Al's wife happened to be working the same shift. In between helping the classes, we'd discuss the quick version of our spiritual journeys, relishing in providence right there in the public school gym. Grace!

That morning, I helped a little boy shop who wanted to pick out a gift for his dad. I pointed out a few options and asked if his dad might use either of those things. He looked up at me and said, "My dad died two weeks ago." And I remembered one of the reasons we were at the school. I have biblical obligations to you, one of which is to lead you in learning how to help your sick or sorrowing peers who might need Jesus. Grace!

I loved volunteering for field trips and reading groups and getting to know and have fun with your classmates. We have great memories of those "special voices" I'd let you guys read in and then "freeze!" Making new friends together was yet another evidence of grace!

I couldn't have been as involved as I was without the help of sweet friends from church providing childcare. I needed their support and help, and they were there for us. Grace!

And this dear woman, who I struggled leaving you with that first day of school, became a precious addition to our "most loved people" list. Mrs. Wall cried as you parted ways on your last day of school and is planning to visit us next summer. The perfect teacher for you - and me! Grace!

As I walked into your school that last day, I had a lump in my throat and fought back tears once again. But this time, they were tears of gratefulness to God. They were tears over faith that grew from seeing those halls as a fearful place to a grace filled place, where God didn't leave us or forsake us. I felt him near and dear there. I wouldn't trade this past year of school for anything, not even having you with me all day every day (although I can never get enough of our special time together). I wouldn't trade it though, because it's a better place to be desperately needing God to work and then finding him working in unexpected places and through unexpected means. Like the joy of finding streams in the desert. Only God can do things like that!

Maybe last year was an unusual year. But maybe it wasn't. So I will remember these triumphs of grace as we jump the hurdle of pulling in the parking lot tomorrow, your first day of school. I'll remember that you're there to get an education which isn't just about learning math and reading. Because I can tell you he's Lord of the nations, but wouldn't it be great if you could see that he's Lord of Orange Park first? Wouldn't it be instructive for you to grow up seeing God isn't like us and his image isn't monochromatic? As Aunt Charisse pointed out, wouldn't it be good for you to watch us appreciating and embracing home as a haven where we retreat after the hard work of being on mission is done? Wouldn't it be better for you to see my and your dad's example (clumsy as it is) of actually being in the world but not of it? And wouldn't it be faith-building for you to have the confidence of witnessing that as my and your dad's light shines in darkness, the darkness can never extinguish it?

There are so many more firsts for us to experience together, my Stella Grace. Another big one is tomorrow. There is even more for you to learn - for us to learn - in the school year ahead. Like we always have been, we're by your side, looking to him for grace as we jump through the hurdles...for at least nine more cherished years!

 

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Already Not Yet

At our church's business meeting last Sunday, Matt gave a 3-month update since coming to OPBC. Overall, we are thankful for a smooth transition to life in Florida. In some ways, it seems like we just got here and in other ways, it feels like we've been here forever.

Just Got Here

The bugs. I thought it was only in Texas where everything is bigger, but I think that applies to FL too. We (and by we I mean I was in the same general vicinity when these things happened but as far away from said incidents as possible) killed our first snake, have rescued 2 huge bull frogs from our pool, and hired an exterminating service so we can sleep in relative peace knowing palmetto bugs aren't taking over our house while our eyes are closed.

Speaking of frogs, I thought our new neighbors were playing music with a booming bass like we were used to in MI. Then Matt informed me those were not the familiar sounds of raucous music, but of nature. Nature?! What's that?! We lie in bed at night listening to the serenade of frogs now. Can't decide which I dislike more, nature or human nature! ;)

A frog spying on us outside our living room door!

 

The sun is penetrating. I love seeing it shine in the sky from my air conditioned house, but it's heat is inescapably direct. The way MI cold chills you to the bone is the same way the FL heat cooks you to the core.

People are nice. Like really nice. In line at the store the clerks ask how you're doing and really care. The drivers aren't ready to pull a gun on you if you don't move the milisecond the light turns green. There's a general trustworthiness between neighbors and people in general. It is a welcome change.

Been Here Forever

Our church family. These people have opened their arms to us from the minute we set foot in the church. They have overwhelmed us with kindness and love and yet have given us room to adjust and space to transition. I even had some people thoughtfully say they were praying for me as we went back to MI for Matt's sisters wedding and then had to leave again, knowing how hard that would be. They have brought us meals, stocked our pantry, worked on our plumbing, tagged along for an IKEA road trip, painted walls, installed molding, invited to play dates, helped with demolition and retiling, mowed our grass, and in general have opened their hearts in friendship. They haven't made us "earn" their trust or held us at arms length until we prove we are who we say we are. Conversations flow easily and God has given us quick connections over everything from the people and books that have influenced us, to past sorrows and struggles, to the music we like. But most of all, God has united us around the Christ we love and serve. We are thankful for people who had been walking a distant but parallel path with us, now walking together, lives joined in a happy intersection. Blessed buds of promising friendships for the sake of his name.

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Cause our Faith to Rise

You crossed the finish line of another year, but I'm the one who's out of breath, heart racing, and legs about to give way. It's been a rough one, hasn't it? But we made it with God's help.

You keep this mama on her toes occasionally, but more often on her heels, struggling to catch up.

It's not lost on me that you are the first baby we really waited for, begged God for, and didn't take for granted. You are the baby whose first cry helped dry my tears of the previous two years of losses and longing. And the one who has since brought me to tears of desperation as we seek to shape you and lead you to Jesus.

You. The baby I cradled with grateful awe. The baby I'd risk waking up at night to pick up and snuggle, just because you were actually there.

You. The baby God would use to bring us to our knees in humble submission. And keep us there ever since.

You. The baby whose eye lashes I watched unfold and whose eyes I can read like a book. And it's always a complex action adventure, full of unexpected and eventful twists.

You. The baby who has shown me my lack of patience, selflessness, love, wisdom, and understanding of the gospel, and my abundance of pride, selfish ambition, fear, and weakness.

You are our answer to prayer. The gift of our longing. The tester of our faith. The reminder of God's faithfulness and care even when darkness seemed to hide his face.

God knew we would need this visual testimony of your life through the years as we parent you. He knew we would need to remember in all of our teaching you, correcting you, loving you, and training you in righteousness, that what we really need is to glance at you but gaze at him. And as we glance and see all the nuances of fallenness surface from your heart, they should serve to help our faith rise and our eyes linger over the reminders of his power to bring life from death, abundance from emptiness, joy from pain, and answers after silence.

We need this witness of your life, Ruby Jean, and so do others. It's my prayer today that I wouldn't waste it...and that you wouldn't either. So even though I'm still catching my breath, I guess we're off again, racing into another year!

"Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." (Hebrews 12:2)

Happy 6th Birthday to the baby who is the substance of what we hoped for and the evidence that what we see definitely isn't all there is.

 

 

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Rock of Ages When the Year is Long

So you have the audacity to go ahead and turn another year older, do you? In motherly determination, I push deep and try not to feel the angst. It's hard for me this year, I'm not going to lie. Maybe it's because my soul was dripping wet with thousands of tears and hung out to dry these past weeks. Maybe it's because a new church has rushed into our lives like the wind, blowing everywhere kindness and love and I'm left spinning in the reality of overwhelming grace. Maybe it's because I've been caught up in the chaos of the past twelve months and my earth has quaked and who says God never speaks in those? Because if he doesn't speak in the tumult what good is his speaking at all? Sometimes I need him in the still but most of the time I need him in the noise. And He's been there. I've heard him over it all...when I've listened.

Maybe it's because in the quaking, I've wondered where this year has crumbled and gone and what my investments have been and I've wished for a do-over. A year of quiet. A year filled with snuggles and meaningful memories. A year of steadiness and handling the distractions better. A year of schedule and predictability. Instead we've gotten a year of upheaval and unexpected change. Adoption paperwork and meetings and grant applications and fundraisers and an untimely funeral and interviews and a survey trip and a new school and a candidacy and speaking engagements and a move.

And what happened to that schedule posted on the board that can become my idol? It became my idol, that's what. And what happened to those lingering breakfasts around the table talking catechism and rehearsing for unlimited minutes how the gospel applies to anything and everything? Those minutes got cut short because it took more time to put on armor this year. What happened to the reading corner and the table time and the limit of a short half-hour recorded TV program per day? They turned into grabbing a book when we could, multitasking by playing a game over lunch, and more TV than is probably healthy for a three-year-old.

So here we are, supposed to be celebrating another year of your life and I'm the one throwing a toddler's tantrum inside. Not ready for more change. Not ready to let these past months go because they aren't what I wanted for you...for us.

But once again, God. He's here. And I have to remind myself that he changes everything because he changes me. You know what the funny thing is, Son? He changes everything by never changing a thing about himself. Look outside at that grass. It grows and will be taller tomorrow than it is today. And see those flowers pretty and bright? Look again the next day and their beauty will fade. Stare your mama in the face in a few months and you'll see laugh lines plunging deeper and wispy gray hairs refusing to keep on their mask. But in all of this change, he never changes. The mountains can quake and crumble into the sea and so can my heart, and our schedule, and our life as we know it. But not him. Who is a rock except our God? To him we can run and find safety.

And you need to do that. You've made a hotel room your bed for three weeks now and before that slept in a sleeping bag for awhile in a bare room that used to feel like home. And the God-man knows a little something about make-shift housing, with animals bleating and living like he wasn't staying here for long. And he wasn't. Because he moved and left his home in heaven - talk about a transition - to come get us, so you and I might have a home there with him. He was a perfect boy for you because he knew your biggest problem isn't your imperfect mom who lets you down, but your sinful heart that's already let him down. And his character never changed. He grew on to be a perfect teenager, never sneaking out at night or clamming up in rebellious apathy or looking girls up and down lustfully. He became a perfect man, always doing his Father's will even when that bitter cup was so hard to swallow, he drank it down obediently. And, Son, he became sin and his Father forsook him for a time so you could become righteous and have an unbroken relationship with that Father in heaven. And, oh, how these truths bring comfort! Mending disappointing relationships, restoring a home, forgiving sin, washing away regret in redemption. A God who lived through the fire and flood and so promises to walk with us through them too. What great hope we have for the year ahead!

But tumult can leave a bruise, and your mama's going to look at this black and blue often and remember. I'll remember our home isn't really on Connie anymore than it was on Keppen. The people we want to be like roamed around in tents and this world wasn't even worthy of them. So what am I really living for anyway? Order doesn't come from having pictures on the walls and your own bed to sleep in. Obedience gives order. First things first. And my success as a mom isn't in our schedule or books read or unlimited hours of instruction or limited hours of technology. My success as a mom is found in Christ's success for me. He is all I am not, and will never be, regardless of how peaceful and pretty my circumstances are.

As I hear you sleeping soundly and breathing heavily just a few feet away from me and your dad in this, our {always} temporary home, I admit to you I don't know what your fourth year holds. But I guess that doesn't matter so much after all, does it? He's got us and he says he always will. That's something we can count on. So let's put our roots down there deep in the Word. Because those promises? They're never going to change.

 

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Another Week

Easter bunny craft since we didn't want to end up with a PAAS-dyed hotel room.

Hotel living has its perks!

Thankful for Netflix:)

Can't get over this gorgeous view we enjoy while running errands.

Sweet new friends reaching out to us and our kids...

Ruby asked when we were going to get her one?!

Water gun fights

And wagon rides

Progress on our house...

Last week we were tearing down walls and this week we're raising up floors.

Church friends using their painting talents. This is the early stage of the girls' flamingo room. (I know, I know! I've fallen hard for palm trees and, yes, flamingos!)

 

New series Matt started at OPBC today

Thanks for praying for us!

 

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