Artist Appreciation

For one of your birthday gifts this year, you wanted to go on CustomInk to design your own T-shirt. You knew just what you wanted the T-shirt to say: “I am made by an Artist.”

Your acknowledgement of that truth shot through my heart and struck me deeply. I absorbed the blow and considered why it hurt me so much.  Of course, I knew God made you. On your birthday last year I even wrote about what a comfort that fact was to me. But, it seems to be another thing to call him an artist because that implies he’s still making you. And this is where it gets tricky. I want you to be the way I want you to be, which in most ways lines up with how he wants you to be. But in other ways it doesn’t. Because I also have my selfish motivations in there – what I want you to do with your gifts and potential, when I think you should be over certain fears and struggles, and, sad but true, what I think will make my life easiest or me a “successful” parent.

This truth you want on your T-shirt rips that artist’s brush right out of my hands, and reminds me it’s not ultimately my work to do. And so, I see what he’s making you in a whole new, beautiful light, with new freedom to watch the Master Artist do his work on you and allow me an apprenticeship.

I see him paint you with layers of colors – color combinations so varied I didn’t even know they existed. The brightness of them can be blindingly brilliant at times and the dark, in contrast, overwhelming and perplexing. And then there’s a depth of texture he uses, showing nuances only the finest artist can depict. I can get lost in the texture – wishing it was all smooth and clear – but, oh, it’s in that texture that the artist shows his profound wisdom and the extent of his knowledge of you. So, I watch and learn from him. He knows what he’s making you. And, of course, there’s dimensions of you he depicts that show perspective beyond the here and now. They show an eternality of purpose I cannot begin to comprehend. So, once again, I surrender my brush to him.

I notice you aren’t the only artwork in his portfolio. He’s a prolific artist, this Creative Genius, and I know he’s simultaneously at work on me, often corresponding specifically to his work on you. We are part of the same collection, inseparable, linked by his sovereign design, his permanent exhibits. And the same detail your life displays, he conveys in mine too. Sometimes I resist it, but when I catch a glimpse of such handiwork, skill transcending the best romantic, impressionist, abstract, and cubist artists of all time, I stand in awe of his expertise.

And that’s right where he wants both of us to be. Standing in awe of him. Because this whole parenting thing, ultimately, is his means to the end of my knowing him better. And, really, this whole childhood thing for you, is his means to the end of your knowing him better. He’s using us in each other’s lives so we see him, understand him, love him, desire him, and know him above all else. We both must submit to the Artist and let him have his way. We can trust he knows what he’s doing with us. Because he promises, when he’s done, to put those he has saved on display for all eternity, “in order that he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. . .for we are God’s handiwork.” (Ephesians 2:7,10)

God's Ruby

I kiss your cheek at the stroke of midnight and from a heart bursting with love and concern spontaneously pray God's care over you in this next year of life. You're another year older today and I hope we are another year wiser. There's so much inside of this bundle of Ruby and 8 years isn't near enough time to unpack it all.

You are complex and I listen to your heart open as words and tears pour out. The fears that grip you, sometimes paralyzing you. The empathy that affects you to the point of physical illness. The sensitivity to injustice that makes you put pencil to paper and write a confrontation to your class about racism and bullying. The discipline that makes you to run laps and do push-ups and practice soccer in the front yard. The continued outbursts of anger when you're told no or contradicted. The desire to control situations and manipulate them to get what you want. The compassion that motivates you to give when the rest of us turn our heads and move on. How you can seem aloof and disconnected and then unearth a profound thought, keen observation, or timely encouragement.

You say that you used to be "iffy" about the existence of God. But now you see him everywhere. All around you, in answers to prayer and how our life plays out. But you say trusting him makes you nervous. Kind of like riding a roller coaster, you say. Like you know it's going to be great and that in the end it will be fine, but it's just how you'll get there that makes you nervous.

You pray about specific things over and over and report that God doesn't take the struggles away. But when I tell you instead of asking him to take them away, to ask him to help you trust him through them and change you through them, you nod in an unexpected and eager submission that I don't often see. And I wonder what's going on in that heart of yours?

God knows though, so I continue to take those snapshots of your heart, only small glimpses I get, to him. He has you figured out and all sorted out because he made you. He knows everything about you. All those paradoxes that confuse me and all those extremes that scare me, aren't perplexing to him in the least. He's steady and sure in what he's doing in your life while I can be overwhelmed, and just plain tired.

I often think of Psalm 139 in terms of personal application, but it brings me such comfort as your mom when I apply it to you too.

You have searched Ruby, Lord, and you know her. You know when she sits and when she rises; you perceive her thoughts from afar. You discern her going out and her lying down; you are familiar with all her ways. Before a word is on her tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem her in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon her. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can she go from your Spirit? Where can she flee from your presence? If she goes up to the heavens, you are there; if she makes her bed in the depths, you are there. If she rises on the wings of the dawn, if she settles on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide her, your right hand will hold her fast. If she says, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created her inmost being; you knit her together in my womb. I praise you because she is fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Her frame was not hidden from you when she was made in the secret place, when she was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw her unformed body; all the days ordained for her were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts about her, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when she awakes, she is still with you. Search her, God, and know her heart; test her and know her anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in her, and lead her in the way everlasting.

I cannot attain to God's knowledge of you, Ruby. So I trust your Maker with you, the precious girl he fearfully and wonderfully knit together in my womb and in my heart. I ask him to use me and Daddy to keep leading you in his way, working out all those days he ordained for you even before we got to hold you and hug you and love you. We get to be used by him in your life, starting with new mercies this morning on this new year of your life. You are his first, so Happy 8th Birthday to God's Ruby. . .and thankfully, ours too.

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You Are Strong but Not Strong Enough

 

How can I almost cry through a soccer game watching your little body sprint and muscle bound legs extend up and down the field? It's not like you're wearing a cute dress with your hair in curls singing a sweet, smiley song in a school program. You're sweaty and throwing elbows and have fire in your eyes and there's really nothing sentimental about it. But I almost cry through all of your soccer games because along with that YMCA uniform, you wear your heart on your sleeve. I see it and it pulls my heart right into my throat. You are fighting to win that game and that ball with all the strength of your 40 lb body. You want to run fastest and be the best and I see your exertion and know as hard as you're fighting if this all ends in disappointment, you'll fall hard. Your emotion usually evokes my emotion. . . for better and worse. After all, the days are long and mama's temper is short. Isn't that how the saying goes?

Godly Women are Strong Women

I've spent most of the past 7 years clarifying womanhood for you in these posts so you could be assured godly women are spiritually strong women. You love muscles and rough and tough and I think that coincides beautifully with the inner grit required of a woman following Christ's path. No flowery beds of ease. In fact, sometimes, no bed at all, just like the Savior she follows.

So knowing the foundation we've already given you in some of what it means to be a Christian woman, this past year we have been encouraging you in one of the many paradoxes of the Christian life. Strength through weakness. There's a true, lasting strength you won't experience until you are weak, at the end of yourself, undone by your sin, and realizing your neediness.

#mightyruby

Last fall, when Kacy Catanzaro became the first woman to complete the City Finals Course and make it to American Ninja Warrior National Finals, the trending hashtag was #mightykacy. You watched her 5 ft frame defy obstacles that should've been too hard for her at her height. You said you couldn't wait until you're old enough to try out! So we started calling you #mightyruby on occasion to encourage you to aim high and use your God-given athleticism as far as God allows it to take you.

#mightiergod

At the beach on Saturday, the tide was low, so we ended up farther away from you than normal. I kept my eye on you though, and couldn't help but see the contrast of your little form against the unending shoreline on each side of you. I watched the waves tumbling in, threatening to devour you with each thrust, one after another. You were for the most part, oblivious, until we we stepped into those crashing and foamy towers and then you clung onto me realizing again their power and your weakness. I told you, in so many words, that waves are one of God's many ways of flexing his muscles. And that as strong as we might feel, we wouldn't last long if we tried to fight against them. I asked you if you could strain your eyes to see where the ocean ended and you laughed saying, "No!" As we jumped through the current, I reminded you the Bible says God holds these immense, expansive and devouring oceans in the palm of his hand. Amazing. Do you see it, Ruby Jean? #mightyruby is no match for #mightiergod!

So that's why we point out the sin in your heart, so you will see your need and let him conquer all of those rebel powers fighting within. That's why we love you enough to show you the battle you're fighting is a losing one and holding onto your sin isn't a sign of strength, but foolishness because it's leading you to the grave. We don't mince words but speak the truth in love so you will know, as Hannah prayed dedicating her child who was an answer to her prayers and weeping and longing too, "It is not by strength that one prevails; those who oppose the Lord will be broken." (1 Samuel 2:9)

See the weakness and neediness in your sinful heart #mightyruby. And bow the knee to #mightiergod. That is my heartfelt and heartbroken prayer for you in this 7th year of your life. Because Ruby, your physical strength might take you far in this life, but you can't strong arm God to get to heaven.

"[God] said, ". . . my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses. . .For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9,10)

 

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Cause our Faith to Rise

You crossed the finish line of another year, but I'm the one who's out of breath, heart racing, and legs about to give way. It's been a rough one, hasn't it? But we made it with God's help.

You keep this mama on her toes occasionally, but more often on her heels, struggling to catch up.

It's not lost on me that you are the first baby we really waited for, begged God for, and didn't take for granted. You are the baby whose first cry helped dry my tears of the previous two years of losses and longing. And the one who has since brought me to tears of desperation as we seek to shape you and lead you to Jesus.

You. The baby I cradled with grateful awe. The baby I'd risk waking up at night to pick up and snuggle, just because you were actually there.

You. The baby God would use to bring us to our knees in humble submission. And keep us there ever since.

You. The baby whose eye lashes I watched unfold and whose eyes I can read like a book. And it's always a complex action adventure, full of unexpected and eventful twists.

You. The baby who has shown me my lack of patience, selflessness, love, wisdom, and understanding of the gospel, and my abundance of pride, selfish ambition, fear, and weakness.

You are our answer to prayer. The gift of our longing. The tester of our faith. The reminder of God's faithfulness and care even when darkness seemed to hide his face.

God knew we would need this visual testimony of your life through the years as we parent you. He knew we would need to remember in all of our teaching you, correcting you, loving you, and training you in righteousness, that what we really need is to glance at you but gaze at him. And as we glance and see all the nuances of fallenness surface from your heart, they should serve to help our faith rise and our eyes linger over the reminders of his power to bring life from death, abundance from emptiness, joy from pain, and answers after silence.

We need this witness of your life, Ruby Jean, and so do others. It's my prayer today that I wouldn't waste it...and that you wouldn't either. So even though I'm still catching my breath, I guess we're off again, racing into another year!

"Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." (Hebrews 12:2)

Happy 6th Birthday to the baby who is the substance of what we hoped for and the evidence that what we see definitely isn't all there is.

 

 

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Breaking Molds and Taking Numbers

Zachery David Photography

When your birthday rolls around every year and I ponder the focus of my post for you, I notice that the opening line in my head is always the same, "Oh, Ruby!" But after I recover from the initial exasperation I feel, I'm eventually able to collect some thoughts. Your dad and I laughed together about my inclination and I wondered to him if that's one reason God commands parents not to exasperate their children...because children so take the wind out of their parents' sails, it makes sense our temptation would be to respond in kind. And boy do we need supernatural help not to! Whew. Christian parenting is all of grace!

So, Ruby Jean, now that your Mama has caught her breath, I do have a few things to say to you on this milestone birthday.

I guess this post could be a sequel to your birthday post from a year ago. More kicking over icons and helping you derive your identity from Scripture. That's the way you roll. Breaking molds and taking numbers.

As we observed a sporting event not too long ago, I heard a Christian say something to the effect, "It's okay if girls aren't aggressive in sports because according to the Bible women aren't supposed to be aggressive." That statement rubbed me the wrong way when I heard it and as I've thought more about it I realize how strongly I disagree. Don't get me wrong. It's one thing if our kids, boys or girls, don't excel in athletics because they just aren't into getting elbowed or kicked or hit with the ball or don't have the ability or coordination to be competitive. But the statement went beyond that.

Yes, I've read the verses commending a gentle and quiet spirit in women, but gentleness doesn't mean weakness and quietness doesn't mean passivity. I would argue that it in fact takes assertiveness, and even aggression, to conquer those rebel powers that would incline a woman to respond otherwise. And, as I mentioned last year, that's the problem I have with some teaching I've heard targeting Christian women. It holds up a personality quality as the goal not a divine work of the Spirit. That kind of teaching goes beyond Scripture and turns into a form of oppressing women instead of freeing them to depend on their standing before God in Christ as the basis for their ability to bear fruit in keeping with His Spirit - like the fruit of gentleness. Which, by the way, is a fruit men should be bearing too.

So, Baby Girl, get this straight. Jesus doesn't want to give you a different personality. He wants to give you a new heart. His Spirit will soften you and change you in marvelously unexpected ways. But, He's made you aggressive, and although it's exhausting now, I don't want you to lose your fight because you think that's what Christian women do at a certain point in their sanctification process. Make no mistake, God wants Christian women to be aggressive. These are just a few ways it shows.

1) Christian women kill sin.

You can't miss the overwhelming number of commands in Scripture given to the entire body of Christ, men and women alike, telling us to conquer and fight. We are in a war and need to have what John Piper calls a "wartime mentality."

"Until you believe that life is war – that the stakes are your soul – you will probably just play at Christianity with no bloodearnestness and no vigilance and no passion and no wartime mindset...There is a mean, violent streak in the true Christian life! But violence against whom, or what? Not other people. It's a violence against all the impulses in us that would be violent to other people. It's a violence against all the impulses in our own selves that would make peace with our own sin and settle in with a peacetime mentality. It's a violence against all lust in ourselves, and enslaving desires...Christianity is not a settle-in-and-live-at-peace-with-this-world-the-way-it-is kind of religion. If by the Spirit you kill the deeds of your own body, you will live. Christianity is war. On our own sinful impulses." (How to Kill Sin, Part 2)

Use your aggression, Tough Girl, to make war in the right ways and against the right things!

2) Christian women boldly give the gospel.

"Missionary life is simply a chance to die." Amy Carmichael, Missionary to India

As your mom, I had mixed emtions seeing the intensity with which you watched the Frontline Missions DVD during our Community Group meeting in December. It was hard to watch because the radical call of taking the gospel to the nations is portrayed accurately. But you gazed at that TV with barely a blink. I knew the risk of it all was appealing to you and even though you may have a lump in your throat from fear, you were drawn to the possibility of putting it all on the line for the greatest cause.

That's pretty typcial. You seem to leave your hard-core game on the floor in your short sports career and in life in general. You scored a couple goals this past soccer season although you were quite a bit smaller and younger than most of your opponets. But what made us most proud was one of your conversations off the field with your new friend and teammate. You asked him if he knew Jesus. Your dad and I smiled at the irony of your unregenerate evangelistic zeal, but also noticed what this reveals about your boldness. You don't shy away from confrontation. We love that fire and pray God will make you a righteous woman who's as bold as a lion for Him!

We only half-jokingly say about you, "This girl's going to do something big. It's just a matter of whether it will be good or bad, at this point." But then we comfort ourselves with the reality that we have great hope in God concerning you and entrust your little flash of blond hair and blue eyes and muscle bound legs to the One who's stronger still. You're always safe with Him. And that's why, although still with a fearful lump in this Mama's throat, we eagerly anticipate the day you too will embrace your chance to die for His glory to be revealed to the nations.

3) Christian women exercise dominion.

God wants Christian women to play their position aggressively. As you grow up in Post-Christian America, it's going to get blurrier and blurrier exactly what that looks like even in the so-called church. So be tethered to the ultimate Authority on ths subject. Don't let culture set your plays.

Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” (Genesis 1:26-28)

Mark Chanski writes in his book Womanly Dominion:

"[A] woman is to dominate aggressively her environment, rather than allow her environment to dominate her. She needs to work and play with a win it instead of with a surrender it mindset. She must rule and subdue rather than letting herself be ruled and subdued. God has commissioned her to assert herself aggressively as a master over the teeming spheres of her life. God has not assigned her to sit on her porch swing with a pink parasol daydreaming what she might do "if only" the obstacles weren't so complicated. No! She's to get out there and do it with all her might!"

Imitate God by ruling and dominating. Play His position for you by helping make this earth His footstool.

So, you're 5-years-old now, Ruby Jean! You have another year to keep running fast and fighting aggressively. And maybe this is the year the One who broke the mold when He made you, will take hold of you and give you something that's really worth running toward and fighting for!

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New Friday Night Tradition...

Camping out in Schaeffer's room!

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1-2-3...

BEAST MODE!

Ruby getting some pre-game soccer coaching from her Dad

 

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