The Joy of You

I watch you out the window as you run to our mailbox, eagerly anticipating the treasures in today's delivery. Any mom who spends her days at home can relate to this simple highlight of the day. And just like you don't want to miss the joy of the mail, I'm so thankful I haven't missed the joy of you, my boy.

Your sweaty curls bouncing, your eyes lighting up and smile spreading wide when you see your mama's there. You wave in excitement like it's the first time we've seen each other all day and run to the door to report, "It's boring mail today, Mama."

I remember that other day watching for you, just five years - more like blinks - ago. What would it be like having a boy? How would I parent you? What new things would I learn?

And then I held you and knew it would be OK. That I'd learn about you and how to one day at a time.

And by God's grace, I have.

Since then, I've learned that you are an early riser, even beating the sun up some mornings. You are immediately cheerful and busy from that first flip of your light switch. You throw open your drawers, get dressed and make your bed right away, ready to begin the play and conversation of the day.

I say conversation, because I've learned that you are a talker. Wow, can you pile up words! And I'm not always good at it, but I make myself stop and listen and look you in the eye, trying to make sense of how you're trying to make sense of life.

I've learned that you have a tender and empathetic heart. You have ears that hear both the faintest ambulance siren off in the distance and the one blaring right next to us, and always want to pray for those in distress. Even you know all is not as it should be in this broken world and have learned to call out to the only One who can fix it.

I've learned that you are a classic extrovert. You love meeting new people and your energy level rises exponentially in comparison to the number of people in the room. The sooner you can get to know them, the better. You call our neighbors by name and make small talk with them from across the street. Your friends at the YMCA can't wait for you to get there because everything's more fun with Schaeffer! One of the employees who could have today off is actually coming into work just because it's your birthday! You love people and people love you.

Along with that, I've learned that you do not lack confidence. Before your first ever soccer game you declared, "I'm gonna be good, Dad." And when you head into a new situation with new people present, you've been known to say, "They'll like me, Mom." I tease your dad that you have what I like to call "male reality distortion" (shown humorously in the Dove ad parody, "Men: You Aren't As Beautiful As You Think"). But whatever it is, prayerfully tempered with a good dose of reliance on God, I know it will serve you well in this hard world as you take risks and enter intimidating situations.

And because of all that I haven't missed, Son, there's so much that I'm going to miss about you when you head to kindergarten in just a few months.

But the Bible tells us you are another arrow for us to send off. So we'll start with that first brave five-year-old step into a new place, meeting that new person God has already prepared for you to learn from. She'll teach you things in a different way than I will, and it will be good for you to learn from her approach and to learn to respectfully submit to her authority. You'll meet new kids God has hand picked for you to grow with. Some will make you cry and some will make you laugh (and some will make you do both!), and you can count on the fact that I won't miss the opportunity to help you through it all with the only help I and your dad know, God's Word.

We won't miss the chance to apply it to your hurts and joys, your relationships - good and bad, your choices - easy and difficult, your education - what we agree with and what we don't, and your sin - always warring within you, in school and out.

But for now, these last few months we still have everyday together, we'll keep waiting for the mail, meeting new people, and praying for hurting ones.

And as much as I love writing about what a joy you are, I think it's time to close this post. Because I hear you a few rooms away, already awake, I'm sure dressed in your superhero shirt of the day, ready to talk and play...and I don't want to miss it!

Happy 5th Birthday, to our Schaeffey-Boy!

Photos Credit to Robyn Moore

 

Birth Announcement - here

First Birthday Tribute - here

Second Birthday Tribute - here

Third Birthday Tribute - here

Fourth Birthday Tribute - here

 

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Rock of Ages When the Year is Long

So you have the audacity to go ahead and turn another year older, do you? In motherly determination, I push deep and try not to feel the angst. It's hard for me this year, I'm not going to lie. Maybe it's because my soul was dripping wet with thousands of tears and hung out to dry these past weeks. Maybe it's because a new church has rushed into our lives like the wind, blowing everywhere kindness and love and I'm left spinning in the reality of overwhelming grace. Maybe it's because I've been caught up in the chaos of the past twelve months and my earth has quaked and who says God never speaks in those? Because if he doesn't speak in the tumult what good is his speaking at all? Sometimes I need him in the still but most of the time I need him in the noise. And He's been there. I've heard him over it all...when I've listened.

Maybe it's because in the quaking, I've wondered where this year has crumbled and gone and what my investments have been and I've wished for a do-over. A year of quiet. A year filled with snuggles and meaningful memories. A year of steadiness and handling the distractions better. A year of schedule and predictability. Instead we've gotten a year of upheaval and unexpected change. Adoption paperwork and meetings and grant applications and fundraisers and an untimely funeral and interviews and a survey trip and a new school and a candidacy and speaking engagements and a move.

And what happened to that schedule posted on the board that can become my idol? It became my idol, that's what. And what happened to those lingering breakfasts around the table talking catechism and rehearsing for unlimited minutes how the gospel applies to anything and everything? Those minutes got cut short because it took more time to put on armor this year. What happened to the reading corner and the table time and the limit of a short half-hour recorded TV program per day? They turned into grabbing a book when we could, multitasking by playing a game over lunch, and more TV than is probably healthy for a three-year-old.

So here we are, supposed to be celebrating another year of your life and I'm the one throwing a toddler's tantrum inside. Not ready for more change. Not ready to let these past months go because they aren't what I wanted for you...for us.

But once again, God. He's here. And I have to remind myself that he changes everything because he changes me. You know what the funny thing is, Son? He changes everything by never changing a thing about himself. Look outside at that grass. It grows and will be taller tomorrow than it is today. And see those flowers pretty and bright? Look again the next day and their beauty will fade. Stare your mama in the face in a few months and you'll see laugh lines plunging deeper and wispy gray hairs refusing to keep on their mask. But in all of this change, he never changes. The mountains can quake and crumble into the sea and so can my heart, and our schedule, and our life as we know it. But not him. Who is a rock except our God? To him we can run and find safety.

And you need to do that. You've made a hotel room your bed for three weeks now and before that slept in a sleeping bag for awhile in a bare room that used to feel like home. And the God-man knows a little something about make-shift housing, with animals bleating and living like he wasn't staying here for long. And he wasn't. Because he moved and left his home in heaven - talk about a transition - to come get us, so you and I might have a home there with him. He was a perfect boy for you because he knew your biggest problem isn't your imperfect mom who lets you down, but your sinful heart that's already let him down. And his character never changed. He grew on to be a perfect teenager, never sneaking out at night or clamming up in rebellious apathy or looking girls up and down lustfully. He became a perfect man, always doing his Father's will even when that bitter cup was so hard to swallow, he drank it down obediently. And, Son, he became sin and his Father forsook him for a time so you could become righteous and have an unbroken relationship with that Father in heaven. And, oh, how these truths bring comfort! Mending disappointing relationships, restoring a home, forgiving sin, washing away regret in redemption. A God who lived through the fire and flood and so promises to walk with us through them too. What great hope we have for the year ahead!

But tumult can leave a bruise, and your mama's going to look at this black and blue often and remember. I'll remember our home isn't really on Connie anymore than it was on Keppen. The people we want to be like roamed around in tents and this world wasn't even worthy of them. So what am I really living for anyway? Order doesn't come from having pictures on the walls and your own bed to sleep in. Obedience gives order. First things first. And my success as a mom isn't in our schedule or books read or unlimited hours of instruction or limited hours of technology. My success as a mom is found in Christ's success for me. He is all I am not, and will never be, regardless of how peaceful and pretty my circumstances are.

As I hear you sleeping soundly and breathing heavily just a few feet away from me and your dad in this, our {always} temporary home, I admit to you I don't know what your fourth year holds. But I guess that doesn't matter so much after all, does it? He's got us and he says he always will. That's something we can count on. So let's put our roots down there deep in the Word. Because those promises? They're never going to change.

 

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New Friday Night Tradition...

Camping out in Schaeffer's room!

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Unremarkably Remarkable

Photo Credit: Zachery David Photography

We knew what we'd name you long before we saw you. Your name waited for you. But on that rainy December day leaving our ultrasound appointment, we pulled it out of our hearts and said it right to yours.

Joel Schaeffer Owen.

Every time I see it, I am reminded that we indeed gave you a good name. Not good, as in tasteful (although we think it's that too), but good as in respectable.

"A good name is more desirable than great riches." (Proverbs 22:1)

It's packed with three-generations of pastoral punch, the legacy of a Christian theologian and philosopher who convinced your Dad God is There and He is Not Silent, and the testimony of one of the most remarkable men we've called Pastor.

On your first birthday I reminded you of true greatness - being last and least like Jesus - evidenced in a story about Francis Schaeffer. On your third birthday, I want to tell you of a man who hasn't written any books or started any international ministries, but who has humbly served God in the same local church for nearly twenty-five years.

In 1988, Joel and Nancy, along with their energetic Matthew Joel and pig-tailed Jennifer Elizabeth, moved to the little town of Cambridge, Ohio. Joel had completed his Master of Divinity degree some years earlier and was serving as an elder at Mt. Calvary Baptist Church, ministering to souls for free, and painting walls during the day to pay the bills. They heard of a small, struggling congregation in Southeastern Ohio. After visiting and interviewing, Joel took the offer of Pastor at Cambridge Bible Church, not even knowing what salary the church would be able to pay him. You see, Schaeffer, he had a message to share that meant more than money. He had a God to follow he knew would meet his needs. That God had encouraged him, in a similar way He encouraged a lowly shepherd, but soon to be king, named David. “I took you from the pasture and from following the flock to be ruler over my people Israel.” (2 Samuel 7:8) Joel took comfort in that verse because he saw God could take anyone – even an unremarkable shepherd – and use that person for His remarkable purposes. So Joel humbly reminded himself that all God would ask, He would provide.

It's no surprise, then, when the need arose to supplement his pastoral salary, Joel didn’t think he was too important to go out and get a job to support his family. When his son, Matt, was older, he had the privilege of working with him for several summers. Matt says he learned more about his dad and from his dad during those days spent working with him, than he learned in all their other time together. He learned that his dad was who he said he was. He learned a work ethic that didn't stop until lunch - even when others were taking breaks. Joel had a good testimony on the job and showed Matt how to live a life worthy of the gospel even when doing seemingly insignificant things like shoveling gravel.

The desire to humbly serve is what led Joel to persevere, even during circumstances like coming to church on a couple of occasions and absolutely no one else showing up. Whether pastoring a congregation of 10 or 90, Joel prepared his sermons the same way. He never prepared less or eased up because he thought it might not matter as much. At least outwardly, he never expressed frustration or voiced discontentment, and as a result, he did not lead his family into bitterness toward the ministry. In fact, just the opposite happened. Joel and Nancy instilled in Jenny and Matt a love for Christ and a love for the ministry. Joel evidenced that he was truly serving the Lord because he didn't get hung up on whether he was happy with the results or not. He knew he was not ultimately serving results or the satisfaction of feeling effective; he was serving Him.

Humble service was what lead Joel and Nancy to show mercy to the homeless drifters who would find the church listing in the yellow pages (actually their home phone number) and call asking for help. From putting gas in tanks, to giving rides to the bus station, to putting people up in a motel, to making meals or buying groceries, they helped people and expected nothing in return. Sometimes, the giving hurt. Like the time Joel helped a young family get back on their feet and get a job. He even went so far as to loan them money only to have them skip out of town a couple of months later without ever paying him back.

 

The desire to humbly serve the church is what still leads Joel to spend his evenings, Saturdays, and Sundays studying for the three to four messages he has delivered each week for over two decades. He doesn't have a hobby. Serving the flock of Cambridge Bible Church is his life.

So, Son, learn from this humble man, Joel, the same man you love to call Gampy, something Pastor Ken often says to us, "Faithfulness is success." Don't be drawn away by sights that dazzle, crowds that might applaud, your name in lights, or on the cover of a book. The gospel ministry, whether vocationally or not, requires your putting your hand to the plow and not looking back. It involves your setting your face like flint and not looking to the right nor to the left. Because the gospel is a treasure, entrusted to fragile and common flesh and blood, so that unremarkable Joel, and you, his unremarkable namesake, might show that the remarkable power of faithful and humble service is from God.

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Much of the biographical information shared in this post is reworked from a speech Matt gave at his mom and dad's "20th Anniversary of Ministry" in 2008. But we're not the only ones who think this way about Dad. Read more here.

 

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Even Schaeffer Knows...

Not all jelly beans are created equal!

 

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The Best of Boys

In September of 2010, I went to my first True Woman Conference. There was at least one male attendee among the hundreds of women there. His name was Joel Schaeffer Owen and, the four month old bundle of baby boy, was with me.

I was still pretty overwhelmed at the fact of having a boy. There had been little question in my mind of how to train the girls early on, pointing them to the gospel first, but then to biblical femininity and striving to model it for them, although imperfectly, for sure. But, not growing up with a dad and not having any brothers, made me insecure about how to interact with a boy and how to train him in biblical masculinity. Matt was quick to comfort, assuring me a large part of that job was his, and we'd work together on it. But, of course, the boy would still be spending almost all of his time with me for at least 5 years so I still had some things to figure out.

By the end of the conference, ironically exclusively for women, my mind was at ease and I had confidence in a significant contribution I could have in raising our son. I realized one of the best thing I could do for him as his mom, was to embrace my womanhood for the glory of Christ. (Read here for exactly what I mean by that.) I needed to strive to manifest the wisdom of God's design in creating us differently, male and female. To show him we are purposefully intended to be different, so God could get all the glory for His brilliance in the created order. So I left committed, more than ever, to using my womanhood in an effort to display God's greatness before my son's eyes.

Now, almost three years later, I'm much more acclimated to most things boy. But, even still, I struggle. The other night I was asking Matt what is it about boys that make them act before thinking. Schaeffer's aggressive impulsiveness is such a mystery to me and I am constantly addressing it with him. I had an "Aha!" moment when Matt explained, "The good aspect of God making us like that is so we run toward the fight instead of away from it!" With images of Boston fresh on my mind, Matt's words made me worship God right then and there. There are so many facets to our amazing God! I just keep turning Him and observing Him from the different angles, displayed in His creating people and nature in general, and am constantly breath-taken!

"Keep showing me Yourself, Lord, through the husband and son you've placed in my life! I want to know more of You through the way You made them!"

A few days ago, Matt forwarded me a helpful (and beautiful) article on the topic of manhood. Another piece of the man-puzzle came together for me. (And they say we're the complicated ones! ;). The author describes, in even more detail, what I have been searching for in knowing how to interact with Schaeffer.

"[His mother is] suspicious of women who like to keep their boys in diapers, as it were. So she nudges Luke toward her husband. She buys them the same kinds of clothes. She admires Luke’s skill in hitting a ball, or painting, or building a tepee—whatever he sets his heart upon.

She becomes to him the best of girls, even when he doesn’t know he likes girls yet. She never ceases to be his mother and to command his respect, but she will also claim his duty as her protector. If the groceries are heavy, she asks him to handle them, knowing that eventually he will overmatch her in strength. When that day comes she’ll boast about it to her friends.

Her love for him is necessarily a love for his nature as a boy. One cannot say, “I love my terrier Whitey, but I wish he wouldn’t wag his tail.” She wants him to grow up to be a man whom a good woman would marry. She cannot encourage that by personal example. She encourages it rather by showing the love of a woman for her husband, regardless of the sparks that attend every union of the sexes. And she encourages it by expectation. She calls him to manhood by letting him practice being the man: as a mother teaches her son to “lead” her in a formal dance."

Everytime I read that excerpt I tear up. Partly because it is hard to let go of my growing boy. But partly because, since he has to grow, I desperately want him to grow to be the right kind of man. After pointing him to the gospel, the main way to help him to that end continues to be pretty straightforward. Be the woman God intended me to be and let him practice being - and by God's grace someday he'll actually become - the kind of godly man I'd want to marry. And, if I do say so myself, I have excellent taste in men.

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