Let's Do This

 

In March 2013, we filled out the initial online application for Domestic Infant Adoption through Bethany Christian Services. By May 2013, we had completed the formal written application and received approval from them that we were ready to proceed to the Home Study phase!

A few things here regarding why we chose Bethany. Choosing an agency was actually pretty easy for us. (We didn't look into any other agency, so unfortunately I'm not a good resource as to the different agencies out there.) Being a counseling major in college, I had done a little work with the local Bethany office in Greenville and was very familiar with their services and years of experience. We wanted an agency that was well-established and had a good, ethical reputation. Also, as I mentioned yesterday, on Sanctity of Life Sunday, Matt had become acquainted with one of the employees from the Bethany office nearest us in MI.

One of the questions we asked early on was how they handle expectant mothers who contact them. We were concerned that the expectant mothers not be manipulated in any way to make an adoption plan for their child, unless that was something they initiated. Bethany assured us that their first goal in dealing with calls from expectant mothers is to provide them services and support to keep their family together (if that's what the expectant mothers want). (And as a side note, they are adequately equipped and have many ways to offer whatever support an expectant mom and her baby may need.) It is only if the mother indicates that she is unable to parent her baby and brings up the option of adoption that it is discussed. We are probably all familiar with horror stories of expectant mothers being forced to make an adoption plan or having their baby basically kidnapped from them for adoption so money can be made. Although we'd like to think that type of thing doesn't happen in America, our techniques here can be more sophisticated, involving steering expectant moms by verbal manipulation to come to the decision we think they need to make. The rights of those in distress need to be protected. And this is where the true freedom of choice is involved for expectant moms. They should be absolutely free to chose the life they want for their child. Is it in the child's best interest for them to parent or for them to make an adoption plan for someone else to parent their child? Just because they might be in a difficult, unplanned circumstance, or poor, or even struggling with chemical dependency doesn't automatically mean that they are incapable of parenting their child and determining what is best for their child. We were thankful for Bethany's priority in keeping families together and also in supporting expectant mothers and their needs in any way necessary.

Also, we wanted an agency where we could get education and support through the adoption process for ourselves. We came with many questions, but also, in some ways, we didn't yet know what we didn't know. Bethany did an excellent job in the trainings they offered in stripping away any romanticized reasons we had for adopting so we could examine our motives and see where we needed to get more education and/or adjust our expectations. They did this in several ways which I plan to explain in my next few posts.

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What's Packer Got To Do With It?

Over the course of a year, God was leading us along in learning more about adoption and seeing how we personally could be involved. I was working through the information I received and was aware of the growing burden I had to help expectant mothers who were in a difficult circumstance. While God was doing these things in my heart, he was working in Matt's heart too.

Adoption can often be thought of as a female thing. It's the woman who initiates it, etc. But it has been so encouraging as we've been more involved in the adoption community to see men who are passionate about following the biblical command of helping orphans. It's not just a woman thing!

Matt attended a Sanctity of Life service in January 2013 that left quite an impression on him. He heard a Bethany Christian Services employee talk about the need for adoptive parents in the state of MI. He saw that by adopting from birth, we could help prevent another child from entering the foster system down the road.

Around the same time, he read J.I. Packer's chapter on adoption in Knowing God. His first response was new found gratitude to God for bring him into his family as a co-heir with Jesus, having the full rights of a son. He saw the opportunity for our family to be a living, breathing representation of the gospel. Once far off, now brought near. Barriers dividing, like ethnicity, broken down. A diverse family, united in spite of the challenges, because they are loved equally and extravagently by their dad.

Adoption changes everything - for us inwardly because we are secure as God's children and for how we view all of life outwardly because this is our Father's world. He has left his dearly loved children with an inheritance that equips them to carry out his will in his world. What were we waiting for?!

"[A]doption...is the highest privilege that the gospel offers...In adoption, God takes us into his family and fellowship—he establishes us as his children and heirs. Closeness, affection and generosity are at the heart of the relationship. To be right with God the Judge [justification] is a great thing, but to be loved and cared for by God the Father [adoption] is a greater." (J.I. Packer, Knowing God)

"Our understanding of Christianity cannot be better than our grasp of adoption... If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God's child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all." (J.I. Packer, Knowing God)

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Nobody Said Choosing Life Was Easy

(Note: This article originally appeared here in January 2013. It is a significant part of the story of our adoption journey and we want it documented in this current series.)

On this 40th anniversary of the Supreme Court's landmark decision legalizing abortion on demand in all fifty states, I want to publicly thank my mom for choosing life. In doing so, I am in no way criticizing birth mothers who choose life and bravely made an adoption plan for their baby. I am also not degrading those who had an abortion and have lived with regret and remorse. I hope to write more on that later in the week. And, I am certainly not advocating that the biblical view of the married two parent family can be set aside because it's old fashioned and unnecessary in the 21st century.

What I do hope to show is that grace is greater than sin.

When I stand outside the abortion clinic in Dearborn, I see the young girls and women who pull in, alone, desperate, conflicted, and down right terrified, and imagine an 18-year-old named Jodie feeling those same things. I see one light a cigarette, inhaling and exhaling a few times, hoping to draw some courage from the nicotine to take the next few steps. I see her glance around at us there on the sidewalk, ready to offer help, and turn her head away quickly so as not to meet our eyes. Then I see her get out of her car, throw her cigarette on the ground, extinguish it with her foot, and set her gaze on the entrance door. As we call out to her, I know she wants to believe what we're saying is true. I know she wants to believe that there are other options. That even though her life will be hard, she can make it. That she really isn't alone. But she keeps moving forward anyway, trying to silence the voices. About ready to reach out for the door handle, she abruptly turns around, running back to the car with tears streaming down her face. It seems she changed her mind! She starts her car and speeds out of the parking lot.

That might seem like a happy ending. And, indeed, it certainly is for the most important chapter. But the story is nowhere near over and so I weep for her still. Because even if she chooses life and to raise her baby, I know how incredibly hard it's going to be for her. I know the jobs she'll have to settle for just to make ends meet. I know the social life she'll give up, because really, who wants to date a girl who admits she has a 1-year-old at home? I know the academic and vocational dreams that will be put on hold, some permanently, because her attention will be divided. I know the family tensions that will be present because of the constantly pressing need to find childcare and, at some points, even housing. I know the financial strain that will weigh on her day in and day out. And I know because Jodie did choose life. She allowed me to be born alive - not dead - as she could've easily done in her circumstances in 1975. And God has shown me much grace through that scared and lonely teen mom, who allowed me to take my first breath.

Not only did she give me life, but she also sustained my life. I don't believe we are captive to the doom and gloom statistics I hear regarding babies born out of unwanted pregnancies, because I believe in a God who is sovereign over statistics. He can take desperate situations and heart breaking realities and weave a beautiful tapestry, sewn with a blood-red thread, pointing to the cross that breaks the power of sin and death. He can turn the hearts of the mothers toward their children, motivated with all the natural affection common grace can offer. And I know because God did that for us.

My mom taught me many good things precisely because of our difficult circumstances. I would not have learned these hard lessons to the same degree otherwise.

1) There is something worse than taking nine years to complete your undergrad degree. Many women have climbed the corporate ladder successfully, stepping on toes all the way up. For some women, the most injured in the process, aren't the co-workers they've jilted and undermined to get where they are. At the bottom of the corporate ladder are thousands of babies, crushed underfoot, as their moms chose their death over the potential death of their career.

My mom's climb was incremental and slow, but as a successful business woman at age 55, she's shown me that pragmatism is no way to live your life. It's good to have big dreams, but not at all costs. She taught me it not only matters where you end up, but how you get there. And I got to have a small part in her climb.

While most parents were pulling all-nighters helping their kids complete last minute projects (and believe me, we did that too!), I was proofreading her papers. Every weekend seemed to be "Take Your Daughter to Work Day" for us. When she worked in accounting, I'd help her sort checks in numerical order, count change from the vending machines, and any other small task that would help her get it all done. I remember staying up into the wee hours to help her complete a huge project for her marketing class. Who knows how many magazines we scoured and cut our way through looking for examples of different advertising layouts.

Mom taught me it's good to reach the top, but it's even better to get there the right way.

2) You can choose life precisely because of the Women's Rights Movement. They want you to believe having a baby will ruin you, but it is that equality for women that allows you to give birth and still have opportunity. Anne-Marie Slaughter might be right that Women Still Can't Have It All, but that doesn't mean they can't have anything. Her article was fairly pro-family for a feminist writer, but still, I shudder to think how many abortions it set in motion. Even if the "arc of a successful career" isn't just right, or in my mom's case, is completely wrong, chances are, you still have a good shot at success.

3) Life is hard. I knew about interpersonal struggles, financial problems, death, and abandonment at a young age. My naive, rose-colored glasses of adolescence weren't in place for long. But that has been a good thing. I was under no impression that my ultimate hope was in this world. I knew how messed up it was. And in time, as God showed me where true hope could be found, I appreciated even more the bright promise of eternal life against the dark backdrop of this sinful world I knew.

So as my mom taught me, we too want our kids to know sin, in their own hearts first, has consequences. We want them to see that sin makes life hard. We even want them to see us struggle through sin and argue from time to time. Because in our marriages, families, and churches we need people who don't blush at sin. Who aren't shocked by it, and who don't ignore, minimize, or hide it, but know how to deal with it. We need people who are less prone to throw the first stone and more prone to see the Physician came, not for the well, but for the terminally sin-sick. And that's all. of. us. We need people to love God and others much because they realize they are the ones who have been forgiven much.

4) You can be your child's friend. It has been said that teen moms and their kids grow up together. In some sense that's true. And there are advantages to it. Like sharing clothes, shoes, and make-up! But really, in all honesty, I liked being with Mom. She told me "no" on the important things, but she also said "yes" to a lot of unimportant things. She didn't parent for my approval, but she also didn't distance herself from me. We were a team. "Just the two of us. We can make it if we try. Just the two of us, you and I," we'd sing in the car together. And my friends would envy our closeness as she and I would sing what we called "our song," Huey Lewis' "Happy to be Stuck With You." We even had our own choreographed hand motions to go along with it.

5) Grace overcomes guilt. Being a mom is a guilt-laden profession. I've said before, I'm only seven and a half years into it and already have a long list of regrets. I can't imagine what it must feel like to start out with the cards stacked against you, so to speak, and to be fighting an uphill battle.

But, I've seen grace abound where sin abounded. I've seen joy and peace surface where there was none before. And I've seen a mother and daughter emerge from the battle, scarred and wounded, but hand in hand, because God offers forgiveness. And, to be honest, even those wounds are sweet, because they tell of His protection when Satan would've been pleased to devour us. They point to His power to seek and save, and keep what is His, at all costs. Even His own life. And because of that very good news, Mom and I can face our past, each other, and the future, through the power of His indestructible life.

Life. That's what this day is about. Life here and now. Fight for it. Give it. Sustain it. And eternal life to come. Preach it to yourself first, then share it with the world who so desperately needs saved from all this death.

 

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What Schaefer Taught Us - Final Part

While I could post more about what we learned from our time with 40 Days for Life at American Family Planning on Schaefer Ave, I think after today's post, I will have conveyed at least a few of the most important lessons as pertains to our journey toward adoption.

Today, the one last aspect I want to highlight about our time there is more personal. When I stood on the sidewalk at the clinic watching the women exit their cars and walk through the doors, I remembered my own start in life, unplanned and difficult. I saw my mom in those women and saw myself as the life-changing problem in their wombs that had to be dealt with.

As God often does, when we set out to help other people, he shows us how much we're the ones who actually need help. And although I had dealt with many particulars of my past years before, there was something about being in that circumstance that made my empathy surface to a whole new level. It reminded me that the past doesn't stay in the past and as much as we want to deal with it and put it behind us, we can never really let it go.

And I'm glad I can't be free from my past, because it's precisely why I was empathetic toward those women in desperate situations. Because I saw what my and my mom's life had become, against the odds, and had so much hope for them. And if they didn't have hope for themselves, if they couldn't imagine how that baby might actually stabilize their instability and sober their insobriety, I wanted to help them have hope, whatever that might look like. Whether by hearing our story and lifting their eyes from their present circumstances to what might be, or even in a more tangible way, like loving and raising that baby in their womb for them, that they just didn't feel equipped to parent for whatever reason.

Tomorrow I'm going to repost something I wrote after our first few visits to the clinic, telling a portion of my and my mom's story. It is still the most read post on this little blog, getting over 1,600 hits. While the numbers don't mean much, they do tell me that it was one of the most helpful posts I've written and that it is a message that needs to be heard. And because it reflects such a significant part of our adoption journey, it deserves to be documented in this series about our family's adoption.

 

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What Schaefer Taught Us - Part 3

In April 2013, we were thankful to see American Family Planning at 4132 Schaefer, close its doors for good. Stricter legislation to regulate abortions was instrumental in this closure, since Dr. Ann didn't want to comply with the new requirements. We knew God had answered our prayers and was even being merciful to those who didn't readily recognize it, removing the ease of obtaining abortions in that area. In June, Matt was asked to participate in the Memorial Service for the thousands of babies who lost their lives there over the years. For the first time in all of our visits to the property, we were able to legally set foot in the parking lot, which actually felt more like a graveyard. The sun peeked from behind the clouds that hot summer day, in contrast to the bitter cold mornings we had spent there just a few months before. It was a kind reminder to us that the Son is risen with healing in his wings. Ultimately in the next life, but still in this life for those facing the tremendous difficulty of an unplanned pregnancy and for those who continue to deal with the post traumatic stress of having an abortion. Here are Matt's timely words.

 

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What Schaefer Taught Us - Part 2

Margaret Sanger, former President of Planned Parenthood, said infamously in the 1930s, "Colored people are like human weeds and need to be exterminated."

Her goal of genocide and Hilter-like eugenics has been alarmingly successful with more African-American babies being aborted than born in places like New York City.

The strategic placement of abortion clinics in minority areas contributes to this. (I do realize this is a controversial issue. Some observe that it is in those minority areas, which are often low-income areas, where clinics should be since those are the people who are the most adversely affected by an unplanned pregnancy and those are the places where unplanned pregnancies occur more frequently.)

Then there's also the contribution of white manipulation, heavy-handedness, and oppression which my friend Hope shared with me.

Hope, a previous member of an African-American church in Detroit, told me of Planned Parenthood approaching church leaders of black congregations and offering money to them so they would refer members of their congregation for abortions. This wasn't to "help" the poverty-stricken during a time when they were trying to get on their feet economically. This was all part of Planned Parenthood's goal in the "Negro Project," to eliminate those they saw as unwanted and undesirable in society.

Who inculcated these minorities and lower-income individuals with the mindset that it's better for them to walk to the nearby, conveniently located abortion clinic to get an abortion than it is to walk there to get condoms? Planned Parenthood made the bed for them and they are lying in it. Abortions are how Planned Parenthood wanted births controlled. Not condoms. Condoms don't always work. But killing does.

Unfortunately, there is conflicting opinion on the matter of abortion in the African-American community itself. One outspoken pro-life black pastor declared, "The most dangerous place for an African-American is inside the womb." This statement created no small stir among African-Americans in the recent past, some trying to use it to educate on unprotected sex and its consequences. Other blacks dismissed it and were offended by what they called racist wording.

Amidst the confusion, one person was clear on what his goal was in the abortion industry. That man was Dr. Joon-Nahm Ann, abortionist at 4132 Schaefer in Dearborn, MI.

Upon entering the back door of his clinic one of those freezing mornings in February of 2012, he looked at us and gave us the Nazi salute. And who were the women sitting in his waiting room that we had watched go in the front door just minutes before? A disproportionate amount of African-American women.

Coincidence? Or precisely the way Sanger planned for it to be?

 

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What Schaefer Taught Us - Part 1

In God's providence, Kim Bean from 40 Days for Life contacted us in mid-November 2012, asking if we would take over the leadership for the next 40 day prayer vigil coming up in February 2013. We met with her at the end of November to see what would be required. As we prayed about it in the following weeks, we decided if she would agree to co-lead the next campaign with us, we would do it.

She agreed and on a frigid, snowy Saturday morning in February, we layered up our clothes and our hearts and topped the hill on Schaefer Ave in Dearborn, getting that same sickening pit in our stomachs as when we watch Schindler's List. The darkness of what went on within the concrete walls of that little white box of a building seemed to make the sun hide its face.

We knew the laws and we knew we'd follow Kim's experienced lead.

Contrary to what the media will have you believe, pro-lifers aren't a bunch of Bible-thumping, clinic-bombing, lunatics untouched or unaware of the complications of the issues surrounding the abortion debate. Many of them are people who go on the front lines to find people who need help and resources and seek to give whatever they can to help that expectant mom through this significant unplanned event in her life. Some are liasons equipped with all the information an expectant mom would need to know, able to refer her to medical facilities, or housing options, or utility funding. Others are out there to give what they can of their own possessions, their car, their house, their money, and their time not just for the sake of the baby but for the sake of the expectant moms and dads who are in desperate situations. And they aren't just committed to these people for the 9 months of pregnancy. They are committed to making lasting relationships to help see them take healthy steps for their future. One family owned a nice bed and breakfast in an unscale area and offered the rooms to families needing housing.

Pro-lifers also aren't ignorant that the people who work at these facilities need jobs to support themselves and their families. So relationships were built with them to see what their needs were and if we could help find them a job outside of the industry. One of the workers would wave to Kim and even crossed the sidewalk to hug her regularly before her shift started and thank her for her kindness and help. She wanted out but felt trapped.

Amazing commitment and love. Not judgment and condemnation. Where do you read these stories in the headlines?

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We Have Obama To Thank

As Pastor Ken says, "Everybody works for God."

And President Obama is no exception.

The November election of 2012 was formative for us. A pro-abortion president was reelected for another 4-year term. As I stated in Sunday's post, earlier in 2012, we had briefly explored 40 Days for Life as one option for how to more actively stand for life but hadn't settled there yet. I'm not sure excalty why this was the case, but the election of 2012 brought with it the full weight, for the first time in our adult lives, and subsequent realization of the morally slippery slope we were on as a country and it hit us square between the eyes. Maybe we were at a more settled state in our adulthood, no longer working our way through the very preoccupied seminary years. Maybe we were at a more settled state in our family life, emerging from the darkness of dealing with long and difficult pregnancies as well as having growing children whose eyes were being opened to the sad world around them. We were keenly aware the slip had been happening for many years (read decades) before, but for whatever reason, we had clarity at this point and knew this was our time to try and take matters into our own hands instead of passively relying on conservative politics to do what needed to be done.

Journal entry from November 8, 2012:

"Obama winning reelection has made us certain about getting involved in [some type of] Right to Life action. We're going to have to be more active this way, since our time in the voting booth is one thing, but not quite enough."

 

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I'll Go There

In yesterday's post, I mentioned that I had some uneducated apprehensions about pursuing adoption. I'm going to be honest about these apprehensions because I think it will be helpful. It's easy to post articles like I've see float around social media on "What NOT to Say to Adoptive Parents," but truthfully, I'm going to be an adoptive parent and have had to wrestle with some of those very things we want to self-righteously shame other people for asking/saying. Someone humbly and patiently bore with my ignorance so I could gain more knowledge and I'm grateful for it. And we're adopting, in part, because of it!

1) Will I love this child like the child/children I gave birth to? Will I feel like he/she is "my own"?

2) Will I be tempted to spoil them/over compensate because of their difficult story?

3) Will I find my child from a different ethnicity as beautiful as my children with my and my husband's genes?

4) Has God eradicated from my heart the sinful racism I was born with so that I can genuinely appreciate and educate my child in his/her birth culture?

5) Will my child have a propensity to different/"scarier" sins because of being adopted/their birth parent's history?

6) What are birth parents really like? Are they the stereotypical irresponsible teen drug addicts sleeping around with whomever, whenever?

7) What if the birth parents change their mind?

8) How expensive is adoption and how do you get that much money?

Adoptive parents aren't people with super-human ability to overlook and love more than other people are. We've had to address our own fears and lack of knowledge as we approached adoption. If we are humble and recognize that, perhaps we can actually help answer peoples questions and objections and assist them in gaining correct information. I've heard many people place adoptive parents on a pedestal. But honestly, sometimes adoptive parents can feed that perception. If you can be a parent in general, chances are you can be an adoptive parent too. All parenting is hard, sometimes heartbreaking, but often joyfully rewarding work. Different situations have their unique challenges, and while the specifics will look different depending on those circumstances, you need support for both, you need basic education for both, you need adjusted and realistic expectations for both, and you need faithful, sacrificial love for both. So don't let the fact that you have questions and fears stop you from considering adoption as a viable option for adding to your family.

NOTE: I'm speaking in this post of adoption in general and the need to normalize it and not make it seem extraordinary and doable only for those whose love is "elite" or who struggle with infertility. Obviously there are children, particularly children from severely abusive backgrounds, as well as special needs children and babies born with drug addictions, who have exceptional medical and psychological needs. These children may require additional care and their adoptive parents may need more training and education. I'm not minimizing or ignoring those circumstances, just not dealing with them specifically in this post.

 

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Wilberforce, MLK Jr., Kim Bean, and Adoptive Parents

Early in 2012, God orchestrated a few circumstances that challenged us in our thinking and consequently, our action. I read a biography of William Wilberforce and John Newton and we watched Amazing Grace, a movie about their fight against the slave trade. We also were educating our girls more about the Civil Rights Movement and in turn got more of an education ourselves. Matt encouraged us to identify what the main civil rights issue was of our day that we were ignoring like so many white-privileged Christians had done in the past with the issue of slavery. We became convinced the issue in our day was *abortion. Obviously, some Christians (and Catholics for that matter) had been fighting for life for decades before, but we had never personally gotten involved in actively trying to speak up for the most fundamental right - the right to live - of those who couldn't speak for themselves. *(Interestingly, earlier this year, Thabiti Anyabwile, posts his similar conclusion here.)

We weren't sure exactly where to get started, but explored an opportunity with a ministry called 40 Days for Life which we heard about through our homeschool co-op. We visited an abortion clinic near us to hold a peaceful prayer vigil organized by that ministry. We also attended a memorial service for babies whose lives had been taken there within the past year. It was on these occasions we became acquainted with a woman named Kim Bean, leader of the Dearborn chapter of 40 Days for Life.

Kim is one of the most approrpriately compassionate people I've ever met. I say appropriately, because she isn't controlled by her emotions (although she feels the right things passionately) and she opens her mouth discerningly, with great wisdom. Her influence was unforgettable.

Around this time, not realizing how the two tracks would eventually coincide, God also crossed our lives with a few families, also from our homeschool co-op, who had adopted transracially. We were praying about adding to our family again and had considered the possibility of adoption, but were still very uninformed. With these new friends, I had the chance to get some of our questions answered. I would sit in the nursery when it was our time to serve together and just grill them with questions. I also got to see them interact together as families and some of my uneducated apprehensions were dissolving.

In May of 2012, we attended our first meeting at Bethany Christian Services in Madison Heights, to gather more information about the possibility of adopting. Sadly, the main things we took away from that first meeting were that there was an overwhelming need, particularly for minority adoptions, and that it was overwhelmingly expensive! We knew we didn't have that kind of money and left less certain than we were before that this was something God would have us pursue.

 

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No Turning Back

Our lives met that summer. Paths crossed and eyes locked. Love tiptoed in and grabbed hold of our hearts and turned them right over. Although everything seemed just perfect when we'd met for lunch, counting the hours until we could talk or see each other again. Trying as hard and we could to be reasonable about this whole relationship thing. Yeah. Like that happened. Then you put a diamond on it in November. And the rest is a flurry of white satin, fresh calla lilies, and covenant-making, with fondant on top.

I threw what few things I had left at my mom's house into my suitcase that significant summer day and we loaded into my little Honda CX - now ours - and I followed you north without looking back. Instead, I looked...at you.

When you talked. When you ate. When you listened. When you didn't even know it. My eyes were fixed.

We had to start making a way in life - now ours - and sometimes it was as clumsy as a three-legged race...trying to work in tandum but tripping up and falling down and wondering if we'd ever move forward in this mission God had for you and me - now us.

When no one else saw us he did and in mercy he told us to take up our mess and walk.

"For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and He will guide us." (Psalm 48:14)

I met your people and they became my people. Your meat-loving appetite influenced me. And you even started to consider food from Panera to be a meal, not a snack. But what I began to notice wasn't that I was becoming more like you or you were becoming like me but that we were becoming us...a whole new unity...not completely you and not completely me, but absolutely right.

Almost without noticing, we were moving forward together without struggle, not even always side by side. And that was fine. We had a mutual trust and a deeper understanding that freed us to do what we needed. Still my eye would catch yours across the room and you'd throw me a heart-melting wink and our world would stop momentarily - eyes still fixed. But then my people, your people, our people...all His people. We were on mission.

Then it came time to leave those people and I found myself still looking at you. Not back. I chose you again over my comfort and familiar.

I hope you saw it in every box I packed, that I gladly gave it up for you. I hope you noticed it in every hard goodbye I said, that I loved you more. I know you did, because you know when a woman follows a man it doesn't mean she has forgotten the way or can't find it on her own. You know I'm on this path whether you're with me or not, and I know that's one of the reasons you love me. I'm not a tagalong. But following my Lord often shows itself most by my willingness to follow my man. And, I'm all in with you, Honey, no turning back.

 

To keep it real though, occasionally this path with you can feel about as spacious as a public transport in China. Is there really room for us both on here and are you sure you didn't miss your stop?! :)

But along with the narrowness, also comes a chance to widen my heart, to make room for more people to love and more love to grow for the same people, including you. Because God's love is an ocean and from my heart should flow waves of it reaching all He can through me.

Following also means I doubly feel the joy and pain of the path. We see the pain of our people and carry that pit in our stomachs along with them. We see the the Spirit drawing attention to Christ in someone's life and we have no greater joy! But too, I see my sin struggles and I see your sin struggles. I feel my need for the gospel but I also feel your need for the gospel. You struggle through a passage you're preaching on and to some degree I do too. We are united. When your heart gets cut mine bleeds. And when you smile my heart laughs.

Did anyone tell me marriage is borrowing another persons trouble and triumphs and gladly taking them as your own? Your sickness, your health, your poverty, your wealth. It's all mine too. Marriage is raw commitment. Following is counter-cultural.

But I've seen you forsake all you have to take me up with my sin struggles and untamed tongue and stunted fruit-bearing and wake up with my bed head and bad breath and it's beautiful. And I know you've carried my cross more than a time or two. Day after day it's a flesh and blood example to our kids of what Jesus did for them. It preaches to our neighbors that there is a better way - albeit not perfect - than the craziness of all the redefining the world's trying to do.

So, on your 35th birthday, I want to tell you I'll stay on this path with you and your people - our people. I'll cling to you and your happiness and heartaches like they're my own. I'll look your sin in the face and humble my proud heart, freeing you to need the gospel too, like you've done so many times for me. And I'll keep my eyes fixed on you, learning all I can from you, loving all there is to love about you. No turning back, no turning back.

 

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My Sister, My Friend

Jenny, you and I were friends before we were family.

In fact, I loved you and your mom and dad so much I had to check my heart to make sure I wasn't just dating Matt as my ticket into your family. :) But, although I of course still love you all, eventually Matt did win me over in his own right!

A little while after I graduated from college in 1998 and went back to Ohio to work, I started attending Cambridge Bible Church (where my now father-in-law was the pastor). You were a sophomore in high school. Before too long, I was asked to be your Sunday School teacher. I was amazed at your maturity spiritually and socially. I didn't realize it was possible to have that much common sense in high school because I certainly hadn't! :) But you had loads of it. I loved your eagerness and attentiveness in class and your seriousness about your relationship with the Lord. But I also loved that you knew how to have fun too. Because of our schedules, it ended up I would pick you up from school once a week and even got to attend a volleyball game or two of yours. It was during those times that I noticed your competitive nature and good sense of humor. We'd laugh together and talk about singing, friends, driving, and a lot in between.

You left for college a few years later, the year Matt and I got married, so at the time we could've gotten even closer, God for his own purposes, took us in two separate directions. We'd look forward to spending holidays together though and you'd always made it a priority to see us in the summers around your own plans and ministry obligations. We loved your visits when we'd have a "Pride and Prejudice" marathon, explore the area, and eat yummy food!

One of the greatest joys in my friendship with you though, was when you moved to Michigan in 2010 to take a new job. You came to us with your own physical struggles, leaving a job you loved and arrived to a house barely held together in the survival mode that's reality with a newborn and with Matt having some strange physical problems of his own. But God knew we needed each other and brought us all back together at just the right time. As a mom with a very needy young family, it's hard to describe the burden I felt lift knowing we finally had family near. I often felt bad that I couldn't be more of a friend to you during that time but I don't know how we would've made it through that year without you. Between a life threatening antibiotic reaction, to chronic ear infections, to pneumonia, to stitches...all this occurring while Matt wasn't feeling up to par, let's just say I could barely put one foot in front of the other. But you were there. I remember coming home from children's hospital in the middle of the night the day of Ruby's reaction and you said you were going to spend the night so we could sleep in. You got up with Schaeffer the rest of the night (what was left of it) because he had developed yet another ear infection that was causing him discomfort. Then you got our kids breakfast in the morning while we got some much needed rest. Only a sister does stuff like that.

It's true what I said in my good-bye letter to you when we moved in April. Saying good-bye to you was doubly hard because you aren't just a dear friend, you are a sweet sister. We love you and love so much about you and it has been a joy spending these past 4 years together as God allowed our lives to overlap so closely again.

You haven't just touched my and Matt's lives, but as you know, you've touched the lives of our kids. One of the things I love most is seeing you in them. Like the way Stella prefers to keep all her food separate and not touching on her plate and the logic and thoroughness with which she approaches a challenging situation. The way Ruby competitively does...well, anything! :) And those gorgeous curls of Schaeffer's are undeniably a contribution from his Auntie. I'm so glad you have left a mark on our lives forever.

And now, it's not just Auntie Jenny we can get excited about seeing, but the man who loves Auntie Jenny too, Uncle Micah. We are thankful to add him into our family celebrations and traditions! Micah, get ready to break piñatas, taste 50 different delicious homemade baked goods at Christmas, and lose at every board game you attempt. :) What can I say? It's the way the Owens roll!

We hope you have had a wonderful first married birthday, Jenny. We are thrilled for the joy you are experiencing in this new phase of life. Our only disappointment is that we can't be there to share it all with you. So Happy Birthday, across the miles, to my sweet sister and dear friend. I love you!

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Adoption Update

The week we moved, back in April, I contacted the Bethany office we'd be working with here in Florida to make sure they had received our file and to get information about moving forward with our adoption in our new home. At that point, it seemed the transfer would be relatively smooth. We were told we'd need to be completely moved in before they could do our updated home study for our new house.

I contacted the office in June to tell them we were moved in and to set up the home study appointment. I was told our caseworker would contact me soon to set that up but was out of the country on a missions trip at the time. We waited almost three weeks without hearing anything. I called the office again and found out they were in the middle of a baby boom with around 7 placements occurring within a few weeks time and that they just did not have the staff to serve everyone currently. The bottom line was that we would have to wait until things settled down in order for our file to move forward. We had to readjust our expectations and realize this office is not as fully staffed as the MI office was and trust again that the timing of our placement is in God's hands.

We then received a slew of paperwork we needed to complete to meet FL adoption requirements which was unexpected and a bit discouraging considering all the paperwork we had already completed through our application process. There's a reason it's called a paper pregnancy, right?! Although it took us until the end of July/beginning of August to complete all of that, we learned more about our new area, tracking down finger printing locations and Sheriff's offices, etc.

Finally, on Monday, we received the call we'd been anticipating and are thrilled to have our home study addendum set up for next Thursday at 3 PM! We are hoping to be a Florida waiting family by the end of Sept, Lord willing- almost a full year since we were originally a waiting family in MI! Nothing like making an already lengthy and challenging endeavor even longer and more challenging! :) All along though, we have been reminded that our expectation is in God alone, not our agency, nor in our ability to market ourselves successfully to birthparents. We want to be thorough and diligent in doing what we need to do, but it is comforting to know he has gone before us.

Thank you to those who have been faithfully praying and eagerly waiting with us. We will let you know when we are officially (and finally) on the waiting list here in FL!

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Abounding Grace

We are winding down our second week of school. There's been enough grace to go around and we have every reason to believe "God is able to make [more] grace abound to [us], so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, [we] may abound in every good work." (2 Corinthians 9:8)

Here are some pictures of us celebrating our last day of summer as a family and a few more pictures from the past couple weeks of school.

Storms were threatening so the beach was abandoned, but we had fun collecting shells and flying kites.

 

The boy wouldn't stand still! Typical!

 

Exploring our new city. Hre we are at the Jacksonville Landing. Thankfully Ruby and Schaeffer had safe ones! ;)

Tradition of back to school manis and pedis!

Ruby, our empathetic girl, made Schaeffer this book to encourage him that they would have fun when she got home from school.

In addition to the book, she also made him a necklace to remember her by throughout the day. It was inscribed "Ruby's Boy" to match the "Daddy's Girl" necklace she received for the school year from her Daddy.

The packed-full backpacks. I bet you'll never guess whose is whose! ;)

The sweeties on their first day, along with a salamander Ruby found on the sidewalk!

Walking in on the second day.

The line of cars waiting to pick up kids after school. You can't tell here, but it was about 6 lanes wide! Thankfully, it has gotten much shorter this second week.

One of the things we miss most this summer is using our firepit since more heat is the last thing you want in Florida summers. We tell the kids maybe we'll use the fire pit over Christmas! Until then, we made oven s'more dip for an after dinner first-day-of-school treat.

Schaeffer really is enjoying being an only child for a few hours a day. Here are my super boys on Matt's day off. Schaeffer asked him if they could match.

He loves not having to share the Wii!

Looking deceivingly angelic as we color at the table.

This is more like it. We're getting good at building bat caves!

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