Doubly Loved

I got a foretaste this week of maybe what being a grandparent will be like. A grandmother once told me, "You love your grandkids so much because you love them twice. You love their parents and then you love them. They're doubly loved!"

And so are these dear ones.

We spent nearly 7 years loving their parents, our friends and precious brothers and sisters in Christ, and for the past week we got to love those parents' kids. Thank you for sharing them with us. They are doubly loved. . .and doubly missed.

 

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The Road of the Cross: A Birthday Letter

Sweet Girls,

When I first met each of you, you were sandwiched in the middle of your school-aged years, your childhood behind, and the teen years beckoning you in, for better or worse. And for all the devouring they could have done, God's grace has kept you and brought you to this day. I'm thrilled to be part of celebrating, even across the miles, His strength that has kept you, love that has held you, and care that has sheltered you.

Rachel, we first met at a baptism dinner where our family sat with yours. We were all new to CBC and going through the awkward formalities of getting to know each other. You didn't seem too excited to be there but were nice enough to smile and tell us a little about yourself. The next year, you started attending a new school that God used to change everything for you. We watched you grow from a 13 year old with little joy, to an 18 year old overflowing with joy as you called to tell me your friend we'd been praying for from softball, had accepted Christ! Look at you now, seeking first his kingdom, prioritizing your life around his mission, and looking more and more like Jesus, whose joy it was to do his Father's will.

Morgan, there is the same age difference between me and you as between me and my mom. It's no wonder we feel a bit like mother and daughter. We have shared and had our share of suffering and sadness, haven't we? Like the van ride home where I cried telling you it was worth it for me not to have a dad if it helped you see that God is good in all he does and that he is the only one who can be trusted to never let you down. There were weeks on end I'd sit in your driveway picking you up and bringing you to our house for Bible studies or the occasional dinner or a meeting at the church office to talk before Weds evening church. I had babies clinging to my legs, but we did what we could to get together and seek for God. And to those who have sought him, he has never said no! Look at you now, wearing mercy's robe and that ring of grace, given to you as gifts from the only Father we've ever really needed.

And Laynie, our first interactions were over lunch on a Sunday afternoon in the Macy's restaurant. You were bravely facing the fear of leaving your Mama's tender teaching and starting your junior high years at a new school. Only God and your parents know how deep that trial was. But the love of God was deeper still, wasn't it? I remember sitting in your living room as you cuddled with your Mom and echoed her sentiments that "a relationship with God was worth it - worth whatever - because he was so good." I love that tender heart of yours. And how could I not also love how well you have loved my babies over the years, taking care of them for us as a ministry, on occasions too many to count? You are the example they looked to, that teenagers don't have to be rebellious and disrespectful. That the church is where the real action is. That it doesn't matter what age you are, you can still serve God faithfully and passionately. Look at you now, still facing your fears, but instead of fearing your circumstances, fearing the God with whom you know from experience that nothing is impossible and who always keeps his promises.

There is a reason this point of your life is called a crossroad. You are faced with decisions all around, many of which could alter the trajectory of your life forever. But my prayer is that you each would see your need for the cross more and more on this road. That all Jesus accomplished for you and in you there would become more real and precious to you with every step you take.

Happy 20th Birthday, to you, my sweet friends!

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No Turning Back

Our lives met that summer. Paths crossed and eyes locked. Love tiptoed in and grabbed hold of our hearts and turned them right over. Although everything seemed just perfect when we'd met for lunch, counting the hours until we could talk or see each other again. Trying as hard and we could to be reasonable about this whole relationship thing. Yeah. Like that happened. Then you put a diamond on it in November. And the rest is a flurry of white satin, fresh calla lilies, and covenant-making, with fondant on top.

I threw what few things I had left at my mom's house into my suitcase that significant summer day and we loaded into my little Honda CX - now ours - and I followed you north without looking back. Instead, I looked...at you.

When you talked. When you ate. When you listened. When you didn't even know it. My eyes were fixed.

We had to start making a way in life - now ours - and sometimes it was as clumsy as a three-legged race...trying to work in tandum but tripping up and falling down and wondering if we'd ever move forward in this mission God had for you and me - now us.

When no one else saw us he did and in mercy he told us to take up our mess and walk.

"For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and He will guide us." (Psalm 48:14)

I met your people and they became my people. Your meat-loving appetite influenced me. And you even started to consider food from Panera to be a meal, not a snack. But what I began to notice wasn't that I was becoming more like you or you were becoming like me but that we were becoming us...a whole new unity...not completely you and not completely me, but absolutely right.

Almost without noticing, we were moving forward together without struggle, not even always side by side. And that was fine. We had a mutual trust and a deeper understanding that freed us to do what we needed. Still my eye would catch yours across the room and you'd throw me a heart-melting wink and our world would stop momentarily - eyes still fixed. But then my people, your people, our people...all His people. We were on mission.

Then it came time to leave those people and I found myself still looking at you. Not back. I chose you again over my comfort and familiar.

I hope you saw it in every box I packed, that I gladly gave it up for you. I hope you noticed it in every hard goodbye I said, that I loved you more. I know you did, because you know when a woman follows a man it doesn't mean she has forgotten the way or can't find it on her own. You know I'm on this path whether you're with me or not, and I know that's one of the reasons you love me. I'm not a tagalong. But following my Lord often shows itself most by my willingness to follow my man. And, I'm all in with you, Honey, no turning back.

 

To keep it real though, occasionally this path with you can feel about as spacious as a public transport in China. Is there really room for us both on here and are you sure you didn't miss your stop?! :)

But along with the narrowness, also comes a chance to widen my heart, to make room for more people to love and more love to grow for the same people, including you. Because God's love is an ocean and from my heart should flow waves of it reaching all He can through me.

Following also means I doubly feel the joy and pain of the path. We see the pain of our people and carry that pit in our stomachs along with them. We see the the Spirit drawing attention to Christ in someone's life and we have no greater joy! But too, I see my sin struggles and I see your sin struggles. I feel my need for the gospel but I also feel your need for the gospel. You struggle through a passage you're preaching on and to some degree I do too. We are united. When your heart gets cut mine bleeds. And when you smile my heart laughs.

Did anyone tell me marriage is borrowing another persons trouble and triumphs and gladly taking them as your own? Your sickness, your health, your poverty, your wealth. It's all mine too. Marriage is raw commitment. Following is counter-cultural.

But I've seen you forsake all you have to take me up with my sin struggles and untamed tongue and stunted fruit-bearing and wake up with my bed head and bad breath and it's beautiful. And I know you've carried my cross more than a time or two. Day after day it's a flesh and blood example to our kids of what Jesus did for them. It preaches to our neighbors that there is a better way - albeit not perfect - than the craziness of all the redefining the world's trying to do.

So, on your 35th birthday, I want to tell you I'll stay on this path with you and your people - our people. I'll cling to you and your happiness and heartaches like they're my own. I'll look your sin in the face and humble my proud heart, freeing you to need the gospel too, like you've done so many times for me. And I'll keep my eyes fixed on you, learning all I can from you, loving all there is to love about you. No turning back, no turning back.

 

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God's Wisdom on Display - Final Part

I've been reading through Hebrews 11 lately. Some recongize this chapter as the "Hall of Faith" because it catalogs acts of faith God enabled his people to do through the ages. My heart resonated with the final verses when the author, clearly overwhelmed with God's equipping his servants to perform all he asks, says, "And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell of Gideon, Barak..." and the list goes on.

I've spent the last weeks cataloging, from my perspective, some of the ways God has shown his great wisdom in our lives through the faith of the people at CBC. But we have run out of Sundays there, and time fails me to tell so much more. However, I have saved a very special family for last, because without them, none of the other posts would've been possible.

Over twelve years ago, Pastor Ken, Kim, Laynie, and Anna, set out to plant a church in the downriver area that would break down the unnecessary objections unchurched people had to church, so they could be reached with the life changing gospel of Jesus. Pastor Ken started with a clear vision of where CBC was headed and a plan to get there. The small handful of people who sat in the launch meeting that first night, has now grown to a vibrant, diverse, healthy church of over 300 people.

Matt and I moved here during CBC's first years as a church plant. I had the blessing of getting to know Kim as she exercised at the Curves where I worked. We made a quick connection then, having no idea how closely God would unite our paths in the future. Really, I had absolutely no idea, the new acquaintance I loved talking to a few mornings a week, would become as close as a sister and someone upon whom I would lean heavily to get me through the early years as a mom of three and learning the ropes of helping my husband in ministry. I cannot count the times she came to my side with meals, inexhaustable love for my babies, wise advise spiritually and practically, a humble example, words of encouragement, fervent prayer, and a heart so quick to serve. She has shared her own daughters with us and the 5 kids together have such a close bond. They are like family to us.

And although we didn't know it would happen, he certainly did. He knows the plans he has for us and has led us each step of the way. As we sat in the Browns' living room last week, we recounted with them how God has used CBC in our lives in general, and their family in our lives, in particular. Matt wasn't using hyperbole when he told them our time spent with them has been just as valuable, if not more valuable, than his time spent in seminary getting his Master of Divinity degree. We needed to be at CBC these past years and we needed their input in our lives. We needed to think through the philosphy of ministry at CBC and we needed the practice of doing ministry through that grid. It was essential for our own personal growth in the Lord and for our helping others follow him as well. We leave, not just with invaluable experience, but with full hearts. We can't give what we don't have, and Pastor Ken and Kim, and Laynie and Anna, and all of CBC by following your example, have given us much, so in turn we can keep giving.

And we are ready to do just that, at our new church, Orange Park Bible Church. The words Pastor Ken preached last week rang in my ears even this morning as I repreached them to myself, "We do what we do because he is worth it. And as we show his worth, we show his glory."

So we are here because he is worth it. And we want to keep grasping, together with all the saints, now those at OPBC, "how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:18, 19)

Just as we needed to be at CBC, now we need to be here at OPBC. So let's do this for his glory!

 

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God's Wisdom on Display - Part 3

Sunday was our last day singing in the Worship Music Ensemble. One of my favorite things about singing in ensemble is that we get to look at everyone while we sing. To me (although I know not many would be comfortable with this!) it is the perfect way to apply the "to one another" from Ephesians 5:19. "Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit." I like the idea that I am actually saying the words of the songs to specific people in our congregation, face to face, just as I do when I am in a conversation with someone, encouraging her in her worship of Jesus in whatever circumstances she finds herself. For instance, I love the line from "Glorious Christ" that says, "And all will be made right when You appear." When we sing that, I always try to look for specific people I know need reminded that endurance is worth it. That the injustices they are suffering will be righted in the end because Jesus who died will most certainly have his justice satisfied.

So Sunday, instead of melting in a heap of tears like I was tempted, I intentionally looked out at everyone and allowed their different stories to run through my mind. Their sometimes bleak, but still, so full-of-hope stories we've had the privilege of being part. I saw them offering worship with what I knew were broken hearts, mended hearts, skeptical hearts, believing hearts, hard hearts, distracted hearts, struggling hearts, and changed hearts and I didn't want to forget a second of it. I heard their singing and wanted the sound never to stop ringing in my ears, filling my soul, and being implanted in my mind. I wanted to remember their faces and the grace that had brought them safely to that point in their stories on Sunday, March 30, 2014. Because, although God isn't at all done writing their stories, he's phasing us out of them, and I don't want to forget where they were when we left so someday I can glory with them in all he wrote after us.

A few of the stories I will remember are these ladies'.

I've watched these ladies on our Leadership Wives Team through the years and intensely observed their lives. We've shared burdens some others might never know. We've prayed for each other and seen God answer prayer. Being the youngest in the group, I have gleaned wisdom beyond my years. I thank God for each of these women and the ministry they have had informally teaching me reverence, self-control, to love my husband and children through each very different and sometimes heartbreaking season, to be busy serving (even in the retirement years), to be kind and selfless, and not to be anxious even in financial hardship. Thank you ladies for letting your good deeds recommend the Word in my life. You've lived out Titus 2 right before my eyes!

 

And we know these people's stories reeeaaaally well. :)

At one point, we joked that every member of the Crossroads class had fallen asleep at our house at some point in time for some reason or another. We have had so much fun together eating, bowling, retreating, birthday partying, frisbee golfing, picnicing, concerting, laser tagging, and the list goes on. We've been with them through the "we either need to get married or break up" relationship phases, and then the "I'm crying so hard my heart is absolutely broken" phases, and the too long "I just wish I was dating enough to risk having my heart broken" phases. The first wedding ceremony Matt had the privilege of performing was for a close friend and Crossroads class member. The first wedding in which Stella was a flower girl was for another Crossroads friend. They helped us get ready for our next babies by watching our kids so we could paint or organize or have a date night and surprised me with a generous baby shower. They've faithfully prayed with us at an abortion clinic that we saw close its doors! I won't rewrite what I've already said here about the profound way these people have shown us Jesus and helped make us more like him. But please read it and remember that your familial status, yes, even in the church, doesn't matter one bit when it comes to God's using you for his glory. We have been changed because of spending the last several years serving with you. We love you like we love our own children. Seriously.

We are eager for God to keep writing the story of your lives with all the bumps, turns, and adventures that involves. Remember, as we studied in our A Praying Life series, that although we don't know how he'll get us there, we know it will be a happy ending. In fact, it will be even greater than we can conceive!

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen!" (Ephesians 3:20, 21)

 

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God's Wisdom on Display - Part 2

I remember sitting in a class on 1 and 2 Corinthians in college and realizing for the first time that God designed the church so there would be unity amongst diversity. I think then, I mostly saw that truth in the context of spiritual gifts - that he dispersed differing gifts to each member of the body for the benefit of the whole. Of course, that's a big part of it. But, I don't know that I really caught a glimpse of and began to experience the full benefit of a church living in true gospel unity until these past few years.

I Can't Grow Without Them

When we first came to CBC, we were eager to get involved in a community group. From the beginning, we loved the close fellowship the small group format afforded. It provided a quick way for us to get assimilated in our new church home. It didn't take me long though, to love community group not just for the practical reasons of friendship and opportunity for service, but because I realized that I honestly couldn't grow spiritually without it. And I mean that - I couldn't grow spiritually without community groups. That's a bold statement, so let me explain.

It has been said that Christian people are often educated far above their level of obedience. In fact, many churches follow an educational model of ministry that views its purpose to be primarily about teaching - Sunday School, Sunday Morning Worship, Sunday evening worship, and Wednesday evening service. Obviously preaching and teaching are vital. In the New Testament, Paul exhorts Timothy to "preach the Word." But, our functioning as a church goes beyond sitting in a pew and gaining more and more knowledge. James warns us, "Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says!" At some point, we have to start connecting the dots between what we believe and how it effects our lives on Monday morning when we're late for work, angry at our spouse, and overwhelmed by our to do list. If we aren't applying God's Word, James says we are in danger of being deceived. Deceived about what? Well, deceived about what we really look like spiritually. Deceived about our maturity and our growth in Christlikeness. And that's where I was a few years ago. I was well educated and versed in the Scriptures, but lagging behind in some significant ways because I wasn't equipped to skillfully apply God's Word to my life and wasn't benefiting from seeing others do it too. So I needed the application oriented nature of community groups to spotlight those dark corners of my heart that I didn't really want to deal with. But when I heard others humbly working through how fleshing out a certain truth from the previous week's sermon applied to them in their specific situation of widowhood, single-parenting, stressful work circumstances, or different ethinic context, the Holy Spirit chipped away at my pride and kept me from deceiving myself into thinking I'm not a desperately wicked sinner with a lot of baggage to boot too. And that environment created a humble, interdependence among us.

I'm thankful for a church where it's safe to be a sinner. I have needed the people in our community group these past years. I've needed their struggles, their transparency, and their gospel determination to grow. I have needed the benefit and sharpening effect week after week of living closely with people whom I have little to absolutely nothing else in common but Christ. I trust I am a more mature Christian now because sharing in their life experiences has had a completing effect on me and my spiritual perspective.

After a tearful prayer time during our last meeting a few weeks back, I looked around as people started to disperse. Jan was gathering plates and cups to throw away. Dave was taking out the trash and telling me he used the last trash bag, even reminding me I needed to get more by leaving the empty box on our counter. Carol was in the kitchen shutting off the oven I had absent mindedly left on for the past hour. I saw the beauty around me of a body selflessly caring for each other and realized we really were functioning like a family. We have spent the last several years together learning each other's preferences and carrying each other's heavy loads and it has made us love each other more than ourselves. That's true gospel unity.

I Can Sing Harmony With Them

We have been blessed to have the Taylor family as part of our community group for about 3 years and they have added a deeper dimension to our gathering. Hope became a fast friend and we have shared suffering and sins, triumphs and trip-ups more times than I can count. We've wept bitter tears because we know too well that life is a battlefield even starting at birth. But we've rejoiced in great healing grace since, although we aren't there yet, he's taking us there. And I've confessed to her any step forward I take in my sanctification is with a limp. She knows what I mean. She been around my heart a time or two and loves me still and keeps raising the banner.

She's of African decent with some Native American ancestry represented too. And in addition to everything else we've discussed, she and I, along with our community group as a whole on occasion, have had very candid conversations about ethnicity. So, Hope, my precious sister and dear heart-to-heart friend, this is for you.

Piper says he prefers the term racial harmony over racial reconciliation. And I have to agree with him. But what that doesn't mean is that the majority culture sings the lead and the minority culture finds the harmony. Girl, you've taught me that and I hope by now you can hear me in the harmony. Better yet, I hope you know I can play the background.

I was against racism before I met you. But you have given my fight against racism a face. Employees on the elevator can't ask you if your mammy put your hair in braids and expect me to take it. I'm not on their side just because my skin matches theirs. All our blood runs red and you and I have more in common because his red blood has run all over us. And so I listen and learn what it's like to be one of the only African American families in a white church. I hear Thabiti say, "It seems to me that the one thing my fellow White pastors routinely underestimate is the tremendous social and psychological costs African Americans pay to be a part of non-Black congregations." And I know you've counted the cost, my friend. You've taught me just as eloquently as Jasmine that black people aren't just black, but cinnamon, and chestnut, and bronze, and their eyes aren't just brown and their hair texture isn't just coarse.

So I'm proud when my baby girl draws a picture of an African American with hazel eyes and when she asks if your kids are her cousins. And some people say Christianity isn't about unity of the ethnicities, but if it's not about that what in the world is it about? Because the last I read, the gospel is being preached to all the nations so one big diverse throng will be gathered before Him on that glorious day when some will realize they might do away with affirmative action but God has never needed it. Guess we better get used to harmonizing because in heaven the Lamb is all the glory and we'll be playing background together with all of our fair and taupe, cinnamon, ebony, and beige hands raised to Him. And we'll cry:

“Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!” (Revelation 7:10)

We've already started, you and me and Matt and Andre, Carol, Jim, Wes, Jan, and Daynah, Marcy, Mark, Phil, Nancy, Kim, Dave, Amanda, Betty, Liz, and Rachel. And although our song is about to have an interlude, there are more people he has in this city for you guys to reach and for us to reach in our new one. There are more barriers of sins like racism and self-centeredness that the gospel is going to obliterate because that's how powerful it is when we are on our 1-1-6. And I can't wait until we are reunited and can see how our family has grown! Then we'll be in our true home that he's preparing for us all - not in Michigan, not in Florida, but in heaven. Maybe Dave will still be taking out the trash and Carol and Jan will be helping in the kitchen. Regardless, there won't be any parting there, no sad good byes to share. And together we will be with the Lord forever!

 

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God's Wisdom on Display - Part 1

I don't mean to be melodramatic when I say that as each day passes, my heart gets heavier and the growing lump in my throat makes it harder to swallow. We're down to just three more Sundays at CBC. I can't even type those words without tears.

As I sort through things to pack, our possessions, although not worth much to many, I see tangible ways God's great love has been shown to us through his church. There are the clothes for our kids, a much loved CD, a favorite toy, many books, and the scarf I wore today...gifts from God's people to our family. Those small things are treasures to us because we treasure the people behind the gifts.

The couch with stains where Phil spilled his coffee, and our table where David copied down a phone number and the numbers transferred through his paper into our tabletop. The chairs Vin and Melissa sat in when they told us they were expecting Aurora. The sectional that's absorbed the jumps of Krisalyn and Olivia's little feet. Everywhere I look, I am reminded that our lives have been tied tightly and eternally with people God loves, has given us to love, and from whom we've received so much love. And it hurts to think of those ties being loosened by miles that will separate.

"God's intent was that now, through the church, [His] manifold wisdom might be made known." (Ephesians 3:10)

The church was a marvelous plan - God's plan - to put His wisdom on display. These past years at CBC, we have been blown away by the numerous times and ways God has shown us how wise he is. We've had front row seats seeing God at work in people's lives. There's nothing more exciting than being part of God's church. What a privilege it is to be married to a pastor and help him do the work of the ministry. More often than not, after church people leave our house for one thing or another, I want to crank up "Behold Our God" and fall down in worship before him. He is good. And loving. And powerful. And wise. We've seen it over and over and it never stops making our jaws drop and our fingers point to the God who alone does great wonders.

So, as these next weeks wind down, I hope to highlight just a few ways God has used CBC to put His wisdom on display for our family, so you too can behold our great God!

Here are a few things from our service today.

Matt's friend and Cassie's husband, Carl, got baptized today. Carl is a former athiest whose life has started being drastically changed by the gospel these past six months. You should hear this guy articulate the gospel and see his passion for Christ's glory!

Buried in his likeness...

And raised to walk in newness of life! "Go 'Acts' on the world, Carl!" (Inside joke. But, if you've read the book of Acts, you'll get it!)

And Nolan, a college student, joined our church in membership today. When many of his peers are leaving the faith, he sees the importance of choosing the right road, at this crossroads of his life.

Our God is indeed great!

 

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Living in Community

Means crumbs in your couch and satisfied souls! For the record, the latter is definitely worth the clean up of the former. Now just remind me of that during the five o'clock mad dash as we get ready for groups! :)

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