Showing posts with label Remembering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Remembering. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

You Don't Know How Long You Have

The kids that used to drive her crazy were mostly grown and now had driven her to her knees instead. And not just them, but this granddaughter she was helping to raise and the ladies in Appalachian Ohio who knew her but didn’t know her Jesus.

So, that early morning when I didn’t think anyone else was awake and found her in the living room on her knees in front of her chair, her Bible open and head bowed, I knew I was seeing the secret to how she loved and lived when she got up off her knees. The God of wonder she saw in the pages of that Book convinced her he was still in the business of jaw-dropping, life-changing work. In fact, she knew it from how her own life was changing.

Since I was born that pedal to the metal day in April, God, through better teaching at a new church, was softening my grandma’s heart with compassion and genuine Christ-like love. She was seeing the depths of her own sin and knew what people needed most wasn’t to clean up their lives on the outside to make God happy but to be washed
clean on the inside.

So, she made it her business to take his heart-cleaning message to all she knew. We’d load up in the car and drive those twists and turns to visit ladies in the hills who chewed tobacco and didn’t have any teeth. We’d walk and talk with neighbors nearby. If she knew you, she loved you, and wanted you to know of an even greater Love than hers.

My grandma was the first missionary I knew, although she never moved out of southeastern Ohio. She lived his mission right where she was all day, every day. She was the first person to tell me about Jesus. God helped her to turn all those sorrowful regrets she had from not raising her own kids in a Christian home, into faithfulness to teach me about him. When we lived with her, and then later when she had me on weekends and in the summers, she’d start in the morning talking about Jesus and off and on all day, until we ended our day praising him and thanking him still. 

She lived and breathed the Word of God and packed his truth in my heart from the time I could barely speak. I was the three-year-old memory verse champion at their church because of her.

I, like young Timothy, saw faith first in my grandmother. And soon, her faith became my faith too, when I asked her how I could be part of God’s family. Belonging to his family was the truth God used to show me I was not one of his children. In a very small way, I must’ve known I could survive without an earthly father, but couldn’t without my Heavenly one. And this gracious Father, who had such compassion on this fatherless little girl, accepted me as his very own daughter, when I asked him to save me from my sins. And my precious Grandma was kneeling there beside me as I prayed to him.

A few years later, when I called their house to see if she made it home safely in the snow storm from the Christian school where she taught, and my grandpa couldn’t answer me but asked to talk to my uncle instead, I knew something was horribly wrong.

The car had to be removed with the jaws of life from the creek where it sunk after spinning out of control on the ice and snow-covered roads. Her possessions were found down the creek after it thawed.

I remember someone handing me her Bible they found there. The pages, now dry, were crinkled and brittle from being wet. I held it in my hands and opened it to see her markings covering the pages. The ink was blotchy and her handwriting faded. I may have been the only one who knew that before it’s pages were wet with creek water, they were wet with the tears of a kneeling mother praying urgently for her grown children to come to faith, and the tears of a friend burdened for her friends and neighbors to trust Jesus, and the weeping of a grandmother asking God to protect and grow her nine-year-old granddaughter to become a godly lady.

But now I’m not the only one who knows, Grandmothers, not to underestimate your influence over your grandkids. What they see you value and the priorities that shape your day are teaching them. What you talk about and who you talk to are communicating something to them too. 

You may not love their home life or the way their parents do things, but for the sake of their souls and their future, love them enough to give them something more than toys, sweets, clothes, and trips. Give them something that 30 years later, when you’re dead and gone, still will be bearing fruit in their lives and in others lives because of your intentionality, selflessness, sacrifice, and grace-driven persistence. 

My grandma would want me to tell you, you don't know how long you have, so don’t waste your grand-mothering.

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For Reflection

My grandma was killed in that car accident in 1985, at the age of 49, when I was just 9-years-old. In those 9 short years I had with her, she shaped the rest of my life by investing in me spiritually. 

What children/teens has God placed in your circle of influence?

How are you using your time with them and what priorities are you communicating to them through your words and example?

Have you bought into the American mindset that since the work of parenting is over you can now indulge and entertain your grandchildren instead of passing along your faith and growing wisdom from the Lord?


If so, how, by God's grace, can you be more intentional in giving your grandchildren something that will outlive you?

Monday, October 23, 2017

Pedal to the Metal

Her mom’s black patent leather shoes clicked over and over on the tile as she tip-toed around the kitchen. The quieter she tried to be, the more magnified the clicking was, reverberating through the house like a clanging cymbal. 

My mom, a teenager about to become a parent, sat in the living room clenching her teeth, mostly because of her mom’s annoying tip-toeing on blast, but also because of the contractions starting closer together.

Her official due date had come and gone. So, April 22nd became the day both anxiously dreaded and eagerly anticipated by the family. An unplanned pregnancy invites that kind of mixed emotion, I suppose.

Her parents had kicked her out of their house when they found out she was pregnant. Their own act of rebellion to match hers. They tried to ignore the life growing in her. But God was using my life to stir more life in them. A life he wanted them to live in love, not one lived meeting sin with sin, but one responding to sin with grace.


It was a lesson they fought. One rainy day my pregnant mom was walking the streets in Byesville. She saw a truck she recognized and knew it was her dad’s. Maybe he was coming for her! As he stopped at a red light, she ran up and pounded on the passenger window yelling, “Dad! Dad!,” trying to get him to look at her before the light turned green. But he didn’t budge. His foot pressed against the gas, thinking if he pulled away fast enough he could run from what God had him to learn, leaving her standing in the street, wet and cold, because of her expanding waistline.

But God always wins. Those he pursues can’t get away from him no matter how hard they press the pedal to the metal. 

In time, Mom was back at her parents, sitting with her dad, as he invited her to give me their last name since Mom would not be marrying my biological father. Most parents struggle over a first name for their baby, but Mom had to struggle over a last name for me. By grace, I would became a Neuhart, taking my maternal side's last name.

Maybe it was the aggravation of the clicking patent leather on the tile that accelerated the contractions, or just nature taking its course. Whatever it was, my mom got a seat in her parent's vehicle that day, April 22nd, no pounding on the window required, as they sped, pedal to the metal, to the hospital for my birth. 

My life certainly did awaken more life and grace in my grandparents' heart. They lovingly provided a roof over our heads. But even more, Grandma gave me, her originally unwanted granddaughter, a front row seat to the wonder of a life transformed by the power of the gospel. 
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For Reflection

How is someone else’s sin affecting your life right now?

How are you responding to this unwanted and/or unplanned trial, circumstance, or relationship? 

What would it look like for you to respond to sin with grace instead of meeting it with more sin?



Thursday, August 20, 2015

Marked By Motherhood

I walked you to the door of the Kindergarten building and let go of your chubby hand. That hand I've held for five years telling myself on so many occasions, "Don't forget what this feels like, Erica." You took your place in line and started taking in your new surroundings, thinking thoughts sprinkled with cluelessness and over-confidence, I'm sure. :) Stella, with the sweet swagger of an upper elementary classman, assured me she knew the way to her portable. So it was just me and Ruby headed to her building. And the girl who has never had a smooth start to school wrapped both arms around my neck and kissed my face and went in with a skip in her step. I was so grateful. Because on that day I was the one struggling.

The 1st day of school we had an ER visit because of a tripping accident on the way out the door. So, this is the 2nd day!

I could've gone out a different way, but I just had to walk back by your building again to see if you were still in the hall and if I might get one last look at you. Sure enough you were. And all of the sudden our roles were reversed and instead of your saying, "Look at me, Mommy! Watch me do this!" I was the one fighting for your attention, wanting so badly for you to look one last time so I could blow you a kiss and give you a thumbs up. In spite of the other distractions, your eyes made your way to mine and I got to wave to you again. My boy. The last of the trio of blessings who've been with me for 10 years now.

For 10 years I've had a baby on my hip, a toddler under my feet, or a preschooler at my table. For a decade I have been surprised by the monsters I've seen surface from my own heart, chased monsters all around the house, and prayed away monsters in the dark. For a decade I have worn spit-up covered clothes, transition clothes until I "lose my baby weight," or the same clothes three days in a row. For these past 10 years I have had Mommy brain, Mommy hair, Mommy jeans, and finally realized becoming a mommy is something you never recover from. I've been marked by it forever.

So when I got back to the quiet van, I was ashamed at how many times I had wished for the quiet that all of the sudden I had and despised. I opened the door to our house and instead of being frustrated that I had to answer the same question for the millionth time ("What are we were going to do today?!"), I was frustrated that no one was asking. And just like that, I realized the door was closing on the little years with our three. Just. Like. That.

There are numerous things I can pour myself into in this new school-aged season of life, and I will. There are things I cherish about their ages now and ways it stretches me and drains me and keeps me on my knees, and I want to be faithful here and now. And by God's grace, I will. But this week, I'm letting myself feel the weight of the goodbye to this season of life with my babies. I'm rehearsing lessons learned, facing oh so many regrets with the forgiveness of Jesus and the good news of the gospel keeping me from despair, and remembering the sounds of laughter, pitter patter of newly walking feet, squeals of excitement, the bright wonder of little eyes, unending interrogations about everything, tender cuddles, loud belly laughs, silly tickles, filling, refilling and spilling sippy cups, and wiping bottoms, noses and mouths. So bear with me if I remind you how fast it goes. And bear with my puffy eyes and stuffy nose and sentimental reminiscing. I've been marked by motherhood, and I couldn't be more thankful.

 

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Believing Thomas

[Thomas] said to [the other disciples], “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe." Then [Jesus] said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; but blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” (John 20:25, 27-29)

Too often I can relate to the infamously nicknamed "Doubting Thomas" in the verses above -- the one who needed to see before he believed.

But I knew a Thomas who believed without seeing. He believed Jesus was all he claimed to be and did all he claimed to do because that's what the Bible taught and that was enough. He believed those things with some questions still unanswered and some hopes still unfulfilled.

Not anymore though. Today he sees face to face.

He knew there was a seeing with the eyes of his heart first that was more important than seeing with his physical eyes. And I know he'd want me to tell you, as well, to, "[S]ee that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him." (Psalm 34:8)

Happy 53rd Birthday, to the uncle who pulled my first loose teeth, showed me how to rake leaves, and most importantly, taught me how to walk by faith.

Thomas Robert Neuhart

October 8, 1960 - October 2, 2013

Uncle Tommy and Aunt Brenda with Ruby in 2008
Uncle Tommy and Aunt Brenda with Ruby in 2008