Things Worth Crying Over

Parenting is a big job. We are entrusted with little desperately wicked sinners, cute though they may be, who need everything from demanding physical care to consistent training in righteousness. Parenting certainly doesn't need to be overly complicated since God really has equipped us as parents with everything we need for the task through His Word, prayer, and the help of other believers. But that doesn't change the fact that dealing with these kids is hard work.
 
We knew part of our job as parents would be to help our kids physically with numerous tasks like getting dressed, learning to use silverware, and potty training. We also expected to train their understanding with information that would help keep them safe like looking both ways before crossing the street. We were prepared to take the knowledge of God they were born with and use it as a means to keep pointing them like arrows to Jesus and His saving grace.

But, as we enter our 7th year of parenting, I can see why people said to us after Stella was born, "Just be prepared. You really won't get a good nights sleep for 18 more years." Well, although Stella's certainly sleeping through the night at this point, in some ways I feel like the hardest part of parenting is just beginning (and I can hear the collective "Amen!" resounding from you parents of older kids!). The talks, the questions, the explanations, the curiosity, and dealing with the newfound self-and-others-awareness are taking more and more time the older she gets. And I'm even with her all day every day AND she's not a teen yet!

There's a whole lot of living between what our expectations were of helping our children physically, helping them know how to function safely, and presenting them with the facts of the Christian faith. And it's in that whole lot of living where sleep is lost and precious time is invested.

One of the many investments we are discovering we need to make is the investment in training their affections - what they should love and hate and why. We are having more hard conversations about the evils in the world. Stella knows our elderly neighbor wanted to die and took matters into her own hands by starving herself to death. She's seen moms, whose gazes were set in determination, walk into an abortion clinic to take the lives of their precious unborn babies. She's sensed the insecurity of being a minority, though only for a few hours, as she and Ruby were the only Caucasian children playing on the packed playground on Belle Isle. She's delivered Christmas presents in a Detroit neighborhood were people were so fearful of crime they put bars over the doors and windows of their homes. Some of these things we exposed her to intentionally and some came about just through everyday life in this broken world.

We've seen her lip tremble and her eyes fill with tears as she started to grasp the sadness and hurt of sin. We've seen her struggle with the temptation to keep quiet and be ashamed of the gospel and ask, "What will people think? What if they make fun of us?" And in all honesty, we want her to deal with these difficulties in an age-appropriate way. We want these things to move her heart so she has some perspective. Perspective that there are things worth being angry about. There are things worth taking a stand for regardless of the outcome personally. There are things worth crying over. And in the big scheme of things, it's not the absence of a DS under the Christmas tree. Of course, there are childhood excitements and disappointments, and joy and tears do and will continue to come from those things. But, by God's grace, we want to keep before our kids the perspective of a life that's motivated by God-centered affections and passionately poured out on things worth living and dying for.

"Who confronts them [our children] with urgency and tears? Who pleads with them not to waste their lives? Who takes them by the collar, so to speak, and loves them enough to show them a life so radical and so real and so costly and Christ-saturated that they feel the emptiness and triviality of their CD collection and their pointless conversations about passing celebrities? Who will waken what lies latent in their souls, untapped - a longing not to waste their lives?"

-Piper, Don't Waste Your Life

My Thomas Eyes

 

photo source

 

As Christians, I know in many ways, we are waiting for our faith to be sight. We trust we will one day see with our eyes all of the promises that we now cling to by faith. We, like the hymn-writer, long for that day when our faith will be sight. But for now, we wait.

Kind of.

Over the past few years, I've been on a mission to study through the Old Testament. Even after many Bible classes in college, and a decent grasp of different theological concepts, I was ashamed that I really didn't have a better understanding of the whole counsel of God. And more importantly, I knew I was missing a more complete knowledge of Christ since all the Scriptures testify of Him (John 5:39).

So, after one of the girls in our College and Career class explained to me how Pastor Ken suggested to shore up those weaknesses and set Bible study goals, I decided to get started. I knew it might take the rest of my life, but even if it did, it would be time well spent.

Starting in the Fall of 2008, I opened my Bible to Genesis 1. With a couple detours in between for a mini-study in Proverbs and reading the Bible through with our church, 3 1/2 years later, I'm nearing the mid-way point of Nehemiah.

I am seeing how Scripture fits together better and am finding the historical narratives fascinating. The biggest benefit though, has been the strengthening effect this study has had on my faith. We long for the dots to be connected between what we believe (our creed) and where we live (our conduct). A college professor used to tell us that faith, the evidence of what we can't see, is the necessary link that connects the two.

So it makes sense then, that the Old Testament would serve to build our faith...to connect the dots, as it were. For it's there we see God clearly explain a creed and prescribe a conduct and offer the promise of His provision, protection, and presence to His people as they seek to obey Him by faith in their world. It's also there we meet person after person made of flesh and blood like us, faced with diverse trials and temptations like ours.  We see some obey and many of them stumble and struggle and question and doubt and sin against Him and each other in appalling ways. But the hope-filled back drop of it all is that same faithful, covenant-keeping God we met at the very beginning who always does just what He said He'd do and who is always just what He said He'd be. The great "I Am" is in the background of every sin of disobedience and every triumph of obedience. We see Him keeping His promises to thousands of generations, tending to His people ever so gently and ever so fiercely, but always doing exactly what He should do. In my studies so far, I have never seen any injustice with Him. I've never seen Him abandon His children or be slack concerning His promises. I, like David, have never seen the righteous forsaken. But I have seen Him calm their fears, persevere in patience, repair their relationships, lead them day and night, keep them from their own way when it wasn't best, and give them their way when there were lessons they needed to learn. I've seen Him take stuttering, fearful servants and show His greatness through them. I've even seen Him use the wickedness of sin and evil intentions of sinners for the good of His people and the furtherance of His worthy name. He has remained the same up to Nehemiah 5 and I'm not expecting Him to change in Nehemiah 6!

At times, I grow weary in doing good and am tempted to lose heart and doubt if He really is who He says He is. I wonder whether He can be trusted to do what is right by me. And in those times when my faith wavers, when He asks me to take that next step of obedience, I have Old Testament story after story coming to mind confirming that, "Yes, Erica! He is trustworthy. He will only do you good! He is too powerful to ever let you down. Don't be afraid! You know He will never leave you. He will do exactly as He promised." And in those moments, I really believe my eyes get a glimpse in the here and now of evidence I can see which strengthens my resolve to wait for what I can't see...yet.

100 Days of Grace

Today marks our 100th day of school. We've celebrated by having a toast bar for breakfast, recounting His provision and care for us, praising Him in prayer for helping us through the past 100 days, and are looking forward to an afternoon movie. We aren't counting the days primarily so we can know how many school days we will have completed by the end of the year, but so we can have a tangible way to show we have a God on whom we can count!

It's hard to measure grace. We know it's multiplied abundantly (grace upon grace - John 1:16), just what we need (My grace is sufficient for you - 2 Corinthians 12:9), and is given when we need it (receive mercy and grace to help in time of need - Hebrews 4:16). We know the origin of it (God of all grace - 1 Peter 5:10) and where it can be found (the throne of grace - Hebrews 4:16). And all that's a perfect summary of these past 100 days. Our God, who is full of grace, has abundantly given us better than we deserve, when we need it, in a way that magnifies His strength and our weakness. For all this we praise Him!

It is encouraging to look back at the large portions of workbooks completed. Miss Long and the Shorts have become beloved family members. Number bonds have made us feel like we'd be "bound" to certain units in Singapore Math forever. But God makes things "click" at just the right time. We don't function like a well-oiled machine around here, but we do function, and that's yet another evidence of grace!

I love having these kids with me all the time (most of the time). I love being part of and observing their discovery process. All truth is God's truth, and I know that what is true about everything they are learning points to Him as the source of it all. 

The First Grader:

By far, one of the greatest joys this year has been watching Stella become a competent reader. Mrs. Hubbard gave her such a good foundation last year and it has all really come together for her. I know everyone learns at a different pace and it mostly evens out by middle school, but it is thrilling to see her reading my old books which I wasn't reading until the 4th grade. She is in love with E.B. White and has read Charlotte's Web numerous times. She has also read Stuart Little and is over 1/2 way through Trumpet of the Swan. And let me tell you, she has no shortage of opinions and critical thoughts about what she's reading. I was telling her E.B. White wasn't alive anymore and she exclaimed in disappointment, "Are you serious?! I was really wanting to talk with him about doing a second Charlotte's Web. I mean Charlotte has these spider babies and another book would be perfect to develop their lives." And she has her first crush on a character. She told me, "Mom, I wish Sam (in Trumpet of the Swan) was real. I think I'd marry him." She has a sheepish little grin on her face when she's talking about him too. Oh dear.

The Preschooler:

In true Ruby fashion, our preschool lessons have involved her exclaiming, "Now yisten, Mommy, to what I'm going to teach you today!" Asserting authority seems to be a strength of hers.  But physical little Ruby settles down just enough to have completed many worksheets and units from Two Teaching Mommies. They are perfect for her at this stage. She's glad when it's done though and she can flip over her page to draw the classic preschool circular person with arms and legs protruding from the round form. She is showing a love for learning in between the "meals" she preparing, books she's "reading," super-heroes and "mean guys" she's channeling, and babies she's mothering. She is the complete package, let me tell (or warn - depending on the day) you. Strong and sweet at once.

The Toddler:

Schaeffer's favorite school time activity is coloring...on the couches (upstairs and down), pillows, bedroom comforter, and the front door. Yes. He has done all of that at different times over these past 100 days. Following in his sisters' footsteps, he has grown to love the Little Einsteins. He comes for cuddles while I teach, which quickly deteriorates into his grabbing for the scissors or stapler or some other dangerous object. He sits on my lap while we read, loves trains and cars, and hits his head, walls and sisters frequently. He keeps our day interesting...and interrupted....and I wouldn't want it any other way.

(Pictured here "answering" the catechism question, "Are there more gods than one?" with "No. There is only ONE true God.")

The Weary Mom and Teacher:

She runs on grace powered by the gospel and, she admits, large quantities of coffee. She tries to fill her heart full each morning so she can serve from the overflow, but by 9 AM, the overflow is gone, and she can be found as a permanent fixture at the throne of grace. Her children have seen the worst of what's in her heart this year, but the best of Jesus, in turn. She isn't super woman, by any means, and feels like "super" only describes her neediness and weakness. She confesses that she's eager for nap time/quiet time each afternoon, and struggles with time management, keeping the house clean and organized, and the pull of the wonders of the internet, like everyone else. She stands in awe of God's grace and knows the theme of her days is "nothing in my hands I bring, simply to Thy cross I cling."

So we've counted 100 days of God's grace to us. Here's to counting on Him for the next 100 as well!

disturbingly transparent

ruby praying this morning:

"...and please give me a new heart so i can know how to love....so i can love my sister and not kill her."

my iphone's glimpses of 2011 - final installment

october - december (top left to right):

1) does it get any sweeter? sisters thanking God for providing their food.
2) can you give me a hand? another fall craft.
3) read too much paul tripp? i mustache you a question.
4) already asking for the keys? schaeffer drives the motor city.
5) another you tube video laugh? or was it awkward family photos?
6) does she get paid for this? stella organizing the lip glosses at express.
7) did the collage really cut out the girls enjoying their tea party? ugh.
8) can stella escape ammy's throw of the big ball? thanksgiving fun.
9) ever wake up on the wrong side of the crib? he does.
10) should we be worried? "mommy, do i have to clean my purses out? they're full of my mean guy stuff!" yikes - a chain saw? a staple gun? a drill?
11) been to the holy land? closest we've gotten is "a night in bethlehem" at bethel assembly of god.
12) how could i not take a picture of this sweet sibling interaction? enjoy it while it lasts.
13) think they're a little excited to paint their chalkboard placemats? gotta love their high class garbage bag smocks.
14) will there be any rolo pretzel turtles left for our neighbors? "mommy, can i have another one?"
15) how long will it be before i let ruby use a glue stick again? gift bags for christmas treats.
16) who's concerned about eating raw eggs? beaters are just too tempting.

You Can't Whip God

Today my grandpa would've turned 75. He's been gone for almost three years now, but he still has a message that needs to be heard.

Jerry Neuhart was born in 1937 to Hilda and Frank, in the beautiful rolling hills of Southeastern Ohio. He grew up in the small town of Senecaville and learned about life from the perspective of a farmer working horses, milking cows, and feeding chickens. He was one of six boys and three girls.

He loved hard work and valued earning a living by the sweat of his brow. He was a man's man and was drawn to the head-turning, full throttle cars of the fifties and sixties. He could be found on "the strip," drag racing in his free time.

He married Carol Jean Beggs in 1959, and they had three kids Jodie, Tommy, and Bradley. Life was moving along as normal until God brought the gospel message across their paths in the mid-1970s. Grandpa said, "When I first heard Glenn Thorn tell me [the gospel] I knew that's what I needed." And God gave him and Grandma faith to believe it.

Their lives changed pretty radically. They started going to Roadfork Baptist Church where an eager young man, fresh out of Bible college, had just taken the pastorate. Pastor Tim Valentine took Grandpa under his wing and faithfully fed him God's Word. And Grandpa grew.

He and Grandma caught a vision for God's mission when Pastor Tim and Becky moved on to plant a church. Grandpa made the long drives to New Hampshire from Ohio and back to help excavate the land and get it ready for the building process. They prayerfully considered relocating to be part of this new church with the Valentines, but God had other plans for them.

Eventually, they ended up going to a church in Woodsfield, Ohio, about an hour from where they lived in Senecaville. The long drive didn't hinder their involvement. They were a significant part of that ministry as well. So much so, they both agreed Grandma would volunteer her time and teach Kindergarten at the church's Christian School. This was no small sacrifice considering the distance. But they followed God's call.

They weren't aware that shortly after making this decision, part of His call would be one of the hardest calls Grandpa would ever receive. It came December 13, 1985. The snowy roads were slippery that day as Grandma was driving home from school. She hit some ice and lost control of the car killing her, his wife of over 25-years, and Brienne, his sweet 5-year-old granddaughter, who was in Grandma's Kindergarten class. Grandpa got the shocking call from the police that evening. The years of pain, processing this life-changing tragedy had begun.

And it did take years. The questions, the doubts, the anger, the what-ifs, and the brutal realization of sudden separation. These are almost more than the human heart can take apart from the grace of God.

In late 2008, Grandpa began experiencing some physical symptoms which lead to a series of diagnoses, ultimately landing him in the hospital with metastatic brain cancer. In January of 2009 from his hospital bed, he was ready to talk about the trials of the last couple decades. He said to me, "I've learned you can't whip God. I've tried [these past years], but you can't whip Him." He assured me of his continued but tested faith in the gospel. God still had a strong grip on him through it all!

The last few months of his life were a struggle as cancer ravaged his once strong body. It was difficult to watch. But he had surrendered to God's sovereign loving hand and his soul found peace. God comforted him those last months with precious promises from His Word. My mom read Scripture to him. One night, though he barely had the energy to speak anymore, he starting quoting the beginning of John 14 while my mom read it aloud. 

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for  you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." (vv 1-3)

I don't know where you might be in your processing of the heartbreaking trials and unthinkable tragedies of life. Life in this fallen, sin-cursed world is never easy. But for some, the cross God calls them to bear is especially heavy.

My grandpa who walked that hard, trial-laden path has words of rest for you, "You can't whip Him." So trust Him. Surrender to His sovereign plan. You will find Him to be more kind and loving than you could ever imagine. You might not have all your questions answered, but He will give just what you do need to get through; His peace, His presence, and, most of all, the comforting hope provided in His Word.

Serving the Sent

Few things rock my world more than hearing a good sermon on missions and reading a good missionary biography. Both enlarge my vision of the greatness of God - He's Lord of the nations! - and His mission for us on earth - to tell others of His greatness displayed in the "happiest news" ever (that's Ruby's description of the gospel). Recently, God has been giving my vision some needed expansion.

Although some might not agree, our pastor in college used to say, "The best pastors are would-be missionaries who are frustrated because they got left behind." He encouraged men preparing for ministry to pursue missions first. So that's what we did. We traveled a few hours down to Ohio for a meeting regarding taking the gospel into the Middle East. Matt attended a roundtable discussion on creative inroads to China. He spent one summer in Australia and a few weeks in Africa. At one point, we did survey trips to downtown Chicago, planning to plant a church in that urban, multi-ethnic context. But with all of the seeking out of opportunities and eagerness to pack our bags and go, for now, God has chosen to keep us in a situation not so different from the one in which we grew up. Of course, we want to be where He wants us, but I think we'd both say it's a bit frustrating...in a good way; the way our previous pastor meant.

Hearing Matt preach on missions back in November revealed this fact, as his missions-loving heart was laid bare.  He challenged our congregation from Hebrews 13:3 about caring for those suffering for the gospel as if we were suffering ourselves. He asked if what we're doing as a church looks even close to what that verse advocates. Needless to say, the message was convicting. And, as only the Holy Spirit applying the Word to hearts can give, there seems to be fruit that is remaining.

Just over two months have passed now, and how am I doing serving those who have been sent? Are they out of sight, out of mind? Or am I mutually feeling their woes, bearing their pains, and sharing their joys?

God has brought a few resources across my path that have given me some fresh ways of seeking to serve them better.

1) This post and video gave me a concrete idea of some things they might need and advice on shipping to other countries (remember though, shipping into some areas isn't preferred or possible). I don't always know what their needs are and hate sending open-ended inquiries to them. ("Do you need anything?" type questions makes it awkward for them to respond specifically.) Now I have an idea of what might be helpful and can offer specific things, giving them the freedom to elaborate accordingly.

2) Another helpful resource I've drawn from is this list. It's intended to help kids grow in their love for missions, but could be helpful for anyone!

3) No doubt though, the best way I can serve our missionaries is through prayer. Specific prayer. Do I even know enough about them to pray specifically? Do I pay attention to the answers to prayer and requests they take time to convey in their prayer letters/e-mail updates? Have I found out a little about the area where they serve so I can pray for them more knowledgeably?

I just finished reading a passionately written missionary autobiography by David Sitton called Reckless Abandon. I love the very practical advice his wife gives to help us pray for missionaries:

When people ask me how to pray for missionaries, I tell them they need to be remembered daily, because these kinds of stresses are everyday realities. Pray for the big things: that the gospel will advance through their efforts; that they will be sustained through loneliness; that the Lord will provide financial partnerships; and that He will protect them from illness and those who would do them harm. But also remember to pray for the everyday things: transportation to the market, strength to do tasks such as washing clothes and making meals, finding correct boundaries in relation to possessions and privacy, and enduring the stress of long periods of separation. Pray for the Lord to sustain their relationship with Him and with one another. And, particularly, pray for their children. (64-65, emphasis mine)

I'm thankful to God for my "frustrated" missions-loving husband/pastor who has helped keep expanding my vision of Him. Lord willing, those who've left us behind are more encouraged in their gospel service in both tangible and intangible ways.

my iphone's glimpses of 2011: part 3

july - september (top left corner):
1) in the d for splashing fun
2) new 'do for ruby
3) first pedicure for the birthday girl
4) free manicure for being the cute little sister
5) special cup our tomboy picked out for the ride to new buffalo
6) princess cup for the princess
7) caught foraging in the trash for cinnamon rolls
8) mcdonald's treats for hungry operation playgrounders
9) rest for the weary bike riders
10) at the detroit zoo for wild summer nights
11) school area for a first grader
12) tiger's game for a birthday celebration
13) schaeffer and aunty jenny holding on for dear life
14) some sunshine for the schoolroom
15) salty and sugary treats for movie night
16) mummification experiment for science
17) edible cells for snack time at co-op
18) too tired for lunch
19) forensic evidence of tasted forbidden fruit
20) crafting for fall

Encouragement for this Season of Distress

Most of us moms are put through the wringer during flu and cold season every winter. We are up in the night with sick kids, stripping beds, giving baths, calming fears, speaking reassuring words, cleaning disgusting messes, and doing loads and loads and loads of laundry. We're doing all this while trying to talk but not breathe and suppressing the gag reflex so we can offer comfort.

During these times of giving (and giving and giving!), I remind myself I have someone who is meeting all my needs while I labor to meet the many needs of my family. Of course, Matt is a huge help, and I'm so thankful for his willingness to miss sleep and jump in doing any number of things. But, at the end of the day, the running of the household is my responsibility. Picking up the pieces and putting them back together again couldn't be done by all the king's horses and all the king's men. But we moms have to find a way to do it.

I hear this season is short. Their little immune systems are being built. The days when they don't know what a sick stomach feels like or how to express it in time are coming to an end. They'll run to the appropriate trash receptacle someday. But right now, they run to me.

Their running teaches me to go running too. Not away from it all like I might want, but to my loving Heavenly Father in prayer. He is ready to renew my strength so I can do that next load of laundry. He gives me words of care to encourage my fearful little ones. He helps me have my wits about me when I'm abruptly awakened by, well, I won't say, but you know it well too. He is with me, speaking words of comfort through His Word, when I collapse into bed at night and give into the temptation of convincing myself I can't do it again tomorrow. But the next day, as sure as He makes the sun to rise, He gives me the blessing of fresh grace to meet whatever He brings across my path. So when everyone comes running and I think I can't run anymore, that's a sure sign I have one more place I must run - to Him.

"In seasons of distress and grief, my soul has often found relief,
and oft escaped the temper's snare, by thy return sweet hour of prayer."
-William Walford, "Sweet Hour of Prayer"

you can't believe everything you read, schaeff

paul frank's message

marketing success?

last night schaeff threw himself in anger into the cement water return pipe in our basement, slashing his chin and gaining him a couple of stitches.

contrary to what paul frank says, this chick doesn't dig scars so much, baby boy. nor, as you know well, does she dig temper tantrums. guess this is your welcome to the school of hard knocks. praying you aren't enrolled for long.

my iphone's glimpses of 2011: part 2

april - june (upper left corner)

1) in our bed sick with the flu
2) pneumonia's in our house - poor ruby-bear
3) safe in daddy's arms
4) in the mood for a spring craft
5) in season again - with love from my girls
6) "in"chiladas (corny, i know) and quesadillas for cinco de mayo party
7) in love with our little squirt
8) riding the pony in meijer - because she won't ask much longer
9) brother and sister intently staring
10) in ruby's glove at tiger's stadium
11) at the zoo in toledo - one last kindergarten field trip
12) inevitably getting away with something by flashing those bunny teeth
13) dipping their brushes in sidewalk paint
14) bookworm in danger of tripping
15) inside out?
16) at krispy kreme in denial our ruby is 3
17) in over their heads at swimming lessons
18) inundated with color - using every crayon she has on 1 picture

my iphone's glimpses of 2011: part 1

january - march 2011 (from top left)
1) home improving
2) pampering
3) strep-throating
4) friends playing in the sink
5) salonning with corduory
6) muffin making
7) snow playing
8) after movie discussing at coney island
9) baby boy sleeping
10) penmanship improving
11) sisters reading
12) revisiting dr. poston
13) bread making
14) daddy sledding
15) brownie decorating for valentine's day
16) pareja visiting
17) ruby reading to schaeffer
18) after school snacking
19) fresh smelling baby
20) whoops - double picture that's too much trouble deleting!

Cliqued Up 40 Deep

On Sunday nights, our church breaks into small groups meeting in church people's homes around the area. I've been blessed by this ministry significantly over the past years, and this Sunday night was no exception. Except that it was a blessing in an exceptional way.

As I think back, I remember the usual openness and transparency.  I remember different people confessing specific struggles of jealousy and envy. I recall someone elaborating on his sin of comparing himself with others and the discontentment that breeds.

I also remember my own contribution relating a vague, theoretical struggle.

As the week has gone on, I've seen the sharp contrast between my answer and theirs. Theirs was specific and raw. Mine comfortable. Theirs was humble confession. Mine was self-righteous blindness. Theirs a shattered vase of perfume poured on Jesus' feet. Mine an Ananias-and-Sapphira-like withholding.

Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:17)

If we've received the gospel call, we are free from the paralyzing fear others won't accept us if they really know us. Why? Because in the gospel we have a secure acceptance in Christ. No one can ever pluck us from His hand and nothing can change our standing before Him. The gospel frees us from pretending we all aren't desperately wicked sinners with a lot of baggage to boot. Why? Because we all meet at the foot of a cross, where our sin is nailed with Christ, seeing the punishment our sin deserves poured out on our innocent Savior.

The gospel frees us to be known by others because we have been fully known, forgiven, and accepted by Him. Maybe I'm starting to get it.

I'm thankful for a church where it's safe to be a sinner. I need these people, their struggles, their transparency, and their gospel determination. I am less of a Christian than I should be if they aren't in my life. And Sunday night was a powerful reminder why.

2nd Semester

Thanking Him for what we've been given -

"Every good and perfect gift is from above..." (James 1:17a)

And trusting Him for what we need -

"...in your light we see light." (Psalm 36:9)

Same students, same teacher, same dependable God.

"The Father of heavenly lights...does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17b)

The Ecuador 5

 

    photo source 

Sunday is the anniversary of the death of Nate Saint, Jim Elliot, Pete Fleming, Ed McCully, and Roger Youderian. I mark this date since Jim Elliot was one of my best friends in college. We went through similar crossroads of faith during our young adult years and his example assured me of my calling to live as a missionary wherever God had me.

"Wherever you are, be all there," he said. "Live to the hilt any situation you believe to be the will of God."

My heart pleaded the same, when he prayed, "Father, make of me a crisis [person]. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me."

He didn't let his pursuit of holiness stop him from befriending those who weren't like him. He told of this opportunity: "These are the days of exercise over Herb Gundelach and Bill Wilbur. They came last Sunday and were startled by the claims of the resurrection. Both men stirred and responsive. Spent eight hours in their smoke-filled apartments yesterday. Ah, it is a privilege to speak of the honor of Christ while choking on tobacco smoke."

After hearing his heart's cry, I started to let my own grasp loosen on things never really mine: "Father, let me be weak that I might lose my clutch on everything temporal. My life, my reputation, my possessions, Lord, let me loose the tension of a grasping hand...Rather, open my hand to receive the nail of Calvary - as Christ's was opened - that I, releasing all, might be released, unleashed from all that binds me here. He thought heaven - yea, equality with God - not a thing to be clutched at...so let me release my grasp."

Yes, he lived 49 years before me and was killed before my mom was even born. But he, like Abel, through his faith still speaks (Hebrews 11:4).

Last summer, I had the joy of introducing Stella to him through this video. His life story is a little heavy for a then 5-year-old, but it's one she needs to know. Believing the gospel and following Jesus aren't easy, contrary to what much of American Christianity portrays.

Living in the 'land of the free', we aren't sure all the ways we can communicate to our kids the historical norm of suffering for His name. We personally don't experience it, so we can barely lead by example in this area. We know we can do better taking risks for the gospel, though.

Because, as Matt reminds me, we need to be ready to suffer. The expectation of suffering has to be on our radar.  No, we shouldn't seek it out unnecessarily, but we shouldn't be shocked or frustrated when it happens either.

I Peter 4:12-14: "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you."

Another verse that helps keep Bible perspective before me on this topic is John 12:24: "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."

Suffering and physical death for His sake bears gospel fruit. God used Jim Elliot's death to convince me that Jesus is better than life! And I am just one of 'many seeds'! A tribe of Auca Indians (now called the Waodani) in the jungles of Ecuador are convinced of the message too!

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All Jim Elliot quotes taken from, The Journals of Jim Elliot, ed. by Elisabeth Elliot, 1978.