Motherhood and the Pinnacle of Christian Womanhood

Six years ago today at 8:38 PM, I entered the ranks of those who have gone by the beloved name of  'Mom' for centuries before. I now had my own stories of the physical changes involved in pregnancy, the tipping scales, the unpleasant Dr. appointments, and my own labor and delivery drama. I also could understand the simultaneous joy and fear that grips the heart of a parent when she holds the precious and pathetic fruit of her labor in her arms for the very first time. In some sense, it felt like I had "arrived." But had I really? And if so, to what had I "arrived"?


Following Stella's birth, a dear friend asked me, "So, now do you feel like you've reached the pinnacle of Christian womanhood having given birth to a child?" I thought about the question and wasn't really sure how to answer it. In some ways, it made sense there could be some type of progression upward from becoming a wife to becoming a mother. But on the other hand, I thought of other godly Christian women, like the one who asked me the question, who might never marry or become a mother. And what about those who become a mother by other means like adoption? Were they denied the privilege of this 'pinnacle'?


Since then, I have read many articles and books (thank you Wendy Horger Alsup, girltalkers, and Russell Moore to name a few), listened to many sermons (thank you John Piper and Ken Brown) and have had many gospel discussions (thank you Matthew Owen) which have informed my thinking on the subject quite a bit more. So much so, I thought it only fitting to post some of these thoughts for Stella on her 6th birthday.


I have loved almost every second of the past 6 years. Of course, there was a learning curve and the sleep deprivation and the subsequent physical exhaustion that really is unique to a mom caring for young children. I have celebrated milestones to the hilt, cried my eyes out on the first day of school (and the second, and third, and....), studied toes like a podiatrist, received an honorary Doctor of Medicine for all my google searches of illnesses and webmd inquiries of symptoms and treatments, and cradled babies in my arms in the wee morning hours. I have loved it all.


But none of the jobs or duties, or even the roles, in and of themselves, of being a wife and mother, have made me become more of a godly woman than I was as a single 26-year-old Christian woman seeking to serve God where I worked and in my local church. What I mean by that is, the progression of my Christian womanhood didn't occur on June 15, 2002, at Cambridge Bible Church when I got married, nor did I reach the pinnacle of it on July 28, 2005, at Oakwood Hospital when I became a mom. It occurred thirty some years ago in my grandparent's bedroom when God gave me the gift of faith to believe that Jesus was my only hope. Sin's ultimate power was broken in my life and I was freed to use my womanhood for the glory of Christ. Whatever that was to look like and however, in God's good providence, He would manifest it in my life. 


There are lessons for you here, Stella girl. I don't know if God will have you marry. I don't know if you'll be blessed with academic achievements and a brilliant career. I don't know if you'll ever have children. I don't know what roles you may have, positions you may hold, and acts of service you might perform. But you must remember that your identity is not ultimately in a role or a position or in your abilities. If Christ saves you, His identity is yours.  


For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. (Colossians 3:3, 4)


It can never be taken from you like a role can (husbands can leave, and sadly enough, tragedies can happen leaving some moms without children) or like a position (hello unemployment rate) or like talents and abilities can (arthritis, alzheimer's, cancer, and the list goes on). 


Whom have I in heaven but you?
   And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail,
   but God is the strength of my heart
   and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25, 26)


The other lesson is one of joy. Your dad read me an excellent quote from Jonathan Edwards the other night on The Good Life. Basically, it is a reminder that we were created to find our ultimate joy in God Himself. So much so that we will be enjoying Him forever - from now through eternity. Our earthly jobs and positions are temporary. I won't be a wife and mom in heaven. Those are wonderful and passing means to the ultimate end of glorifying Him. I don't know what your means will be, but I know what your end should be. Don't waste your time and joy on lesser things. Pursue Him and you won't lack anything even if this world or sadly enough, the church, can make it seem like you're missing out. Seek the Spring of Living Waters and your well will always be full.


Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
   for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry,
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:8-10)


“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
   the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
   broken cisterns that cannot hold water." (Jeremiah 2:13)


There is nothing better or more fulfilling than knowing Christ. Not even loving and raising you these past six years, my sweet girl. So follow and enjoy Him and you'll reach the pinnacle of Christian womanhood.

I Love Being Ruby's Mom

Usually, on a birthday post, I would reminisce about your different milestones and accomplishments of the year. However, on your 3rd birthday, as I look back, the things that actually stand out most to me are the milestones I have reached because of you.

When Stella went to school last fall, I barely knew the little two-year-old sitting across the table from me at lunch. I think I only saw the challenges your spiritedness provided. As the months passed, my eyes were opened to a new world of appreciation for the unique way God made you - so different from your sister and so different from me.

I often felt like I was going back to the beginning with this whole parenting thing. You made me see things from a perspective I never would've considered. You helped me realize, even in parenting, love doesn't believe the worst. Rather, "Love...is ever ready to believe the best of every person." (I Cor 13:7) And so I had new eyes to watch some of God's beautiful image in you, though still in need of redemption, being expressed.

Mostly, though, you've confronted me with my own selfishness. You wanted to go outside when I would've preferred to stay in. You wanted to run around when I wanted to color with you. You weren't interested in sitting and being drilled on your ABCs. You had to interact, physically handling the magnetic letters and putting them on the fridge as I tried to teach you. And, to be honest, I still don't know if you know your ABCs. And I learned that's OK too. We'll keep working on them. Even in parenting, my agenda isn't the ultimate agenda. God is using you to work on me as He uses me to work on you. I think, in my pride, I had forgotten the first part of the equation. The humbling bottom line is, you have helped me see how far I have to go and how much I have to learn.

Rufey Jean, we love so much about you. We love your determination, your strong will, your nurturing compassion, your competitive fearlessness, and your empathy. 

You remind me of another Ruby. One I read about in John Piper's book, Don't Waste Your Life, during my first few years of marriage. Here's her story:

"In April 2000, Ruby Eliason and Laura Edwards were killed in Cameroon, West Africa. Ruby was over eighty. Single all her life, she poured it out for one great thing: to make Jesus Christ known among the unreached, the poor, and the sick. Laura was a widow, a medical doctor, pushing eighty years old, and serving at Ruby’s side in Cameroon. The brakes failed, the car went over a cliff, and they were both killed instantly. I asked my congregation: Was that a tragedy? Two lives, driven by one great passion, namely, to be spent in unheralded service to the perishing poor for the glory of Jesus Christ—even two decades after most of their American counterparts had retired to throw away their lives on trifles. No, that is not a tragedy. That is a glory. These lives were not wasted. And these lives were not lost. '“Whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it”' (Mark 8:35)."

Dear Ruby! We see the same determined passion in you as was in Ruby Eliason. But not yet set on that 'one great thing' - God and His glory for the good of others. So we continue to plead with God to save you and direct your energies and empathies to His service and His way.

Thank you for what you're teaching me, Rufey Jean. I love all the spiritedness your 24-pound little body holds (and even the overflow which can't be contained in your tiny frame!).  We're going to run our legs off today in your honor...and I better get a head start! Happy 3rd Birthday!

Our Feet are Firm, Held by His Grace

I was attempting to write a thoughtful and touching post for you for our anniversary. But then the kids woke up. So much for thoughts period. It's fitting for our lives at this point though, right? We start the day already behind and collapse exhausted into bed at night with a lot still left undone. I love doing all the crazy hard work this life - and especially this Christian life - requires right beside of you.

This picture makes me laugh. We took it in fun on our wedding day. But it gets more real as the years pass, doesn't it? Having a marriage that glorifies God demands some toughness. And so does training kids, day in and day out, in the way they should go. It's just plain trying and tiring. And daily taking up our cross and following Him has a cost too. But there is grace for all of the obedience and work these things require. It's that grace that's brought us safe to the nine year mark, and that same grace will give us the desire and power to please Him tomorrow and the next day and the next.

"Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. " 

Philippians 2.12, 13

I'm so thankful for what God has done in us the past nine years. Let's keep obeying Him, gritting our teeth and flexing our muscles, working hard by His power with all the energy He supplies, for as long as He gives us.

God's Power and My Black Thumb

When Matt, Stella and Ruby surprised me with these flowers last week, a few conversations followed.

Stella: Daddy, tonight can we pray that God will help Mommy remember to water the flowers we got her?

Stella later that night: Mommy, God is so powerful and He can do anything. He can even help you remember to water your flowers so you won't kill them.

Stella the next morning: Mommy, do you see these little buds that haven't opened? They're green. Is green your favorite color?
Me: Giving her a look that says, "You know what Mommy's favorite color is!"
Stella: Exactly. So you need to remember to water them so they won't be green but will grow into big orange flowers.

Do I have a bad reputation with caring for flowers or what?! I foresee an unfortunate object lesson in the near future explaining to Stella God's power and man's responsibility. Why do my short comings always provide plenty of material from which to teach our kids?

Celebrating Grace: Mother's Day 2011

2 girls

+ 1 boy

  

with bugs bunny teeth

= a very blessed mom

and daughter

remembering the grace of the gospel: a letter for my mom on mother's day 

A story, some verses and a song for your first birthday

In 1966 I joined Operation Mobilization for a year of ministry in France, but spent two years in India instead. While in London that summer, at the one-month OM orientation, I volunteered to work on a clean-up crew late one night.

Around 12:30am I was sweeping the front steps of the Conference Centre when an older gentleman approached and asked if this was the OM conference. I told him it was, but almost everyone was in bed.

He had a small bag with him and was dressed very simply. He said he was attending the conference, so I said, ‘Let me see if I can find you a place to sleep’. Since there were many different age groups at OM, I thought he was an older OMer.

I took him to the room where I had been sleeping on the floor with about fifty others and, seeing that he had nothing to sleep on, laid some padding and a blanket on the floor and used a towel for a pillow. He said it would be fine and he appreciated it very much.

As he was preparing for bed, I asked him if he had eaten. He had not as he had been travelling all day. I took him to the dining room but it was locked. So after picking the lock I found cornflakes, milk, bread, butter and jam — all of which he appreciated very much.

As he ate and we began to fellowship, I asked where he was from. He said he and his wife had been working in Switzerland for several years in a ministry mainly to hippies and travellers. It was wonderful to talk with him and hear about his work and those who had come to Christ. When he finished eating, we turned in for the night.

However, the next day I was in trouble! The leaders of OM really ‘got on my case’. ‘Don’t you know who that man is on the floor next to you?’ they asked. ‘It is Dr Francis Schaeffer, the speaker for the conference!’

I did not know they were going to have a speaker, nor did I know who Francis Schaeffer was, nor did I know they had a special room prepared for him!

After Francis Schaeffer became well known because of his books, and I had read more about him, I thought about this occasion many times — this gracious, kind, humble man of God sleeping on the floor with OM recruits! This was the kind of man I wanted to be.

Of course, I will never attain the intellect, knowledge or wisdom of Francis Schaeffer. But I can reach out to younger people and minister to them in Christ’s name by living a life of humility. What about you?

HT: Evangelical Times

Have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2.5-8

It's not a coincidence the hymn we chose for you before you were born is "May the Mind of Christ My Savior". Our dream for you isn't that you'll be CEO of your own company, although there's nothing wrong with that. And we don't care if you have multiplied degrees to add initials to the end of your name. More than anything, precious son, we plead with Jesus to make you last and least, like He was, so you will know true greatness.

May the mind of Christ, my Savior,
Live in me from day to day,
By His love and power controlling
All I do and say.

May the Word of God dwell richly
In my heart from hour to hour,
So that all may see I triumph
Only through His power.

May the peace of God my Father
Rule my life in everything,
That I may be calm to comfort
Sick and sorrowing.

May the love of Jesus fill me
As the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing,
This is victory.

May I run the race before me,
Strong and brave to face the foe,
Looking only unto Jesus
As I onward go.

May His beauty rest upon me,
As I seek the lost to win,
And may they forget the channel,
Seeing only Him.

lyrics: Kate B. Wilkinson

promises

Me: Ruby, I don't want you to turn three! Will you stay two?
Ruby: I will come back to two after I turn "fee".


Last night after reading about Cain and Abel...
Stella: Ruby, I promise I won't ever kill you. Even if I get really angry at you, we'll just work it out.

missing gramps

jerald t. neuhart

feb 3, 1937 - mar 30, 2009

strong working man hands.
8 oz. glass bottles of coke.
CAT heavy equipment.
chevy trucks.
and a God who keeps His promises.
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." philippians 1.6

Online Chore Chart

I think during Spring Break we'll try to implement this chore chart for the girls. I've already input most of their jobs and I think Stella will enjoy some computer time checking off her and Ruby's chores. We've done a paper chart with stickers on the closet door and on the refrigerator. However, our budding artists have their work displayed on these locations now. And to be honest, I can't stand the thought of one more paper floating around this house!!! Have any of you used this site before?

on long winters and a quaking earth

spring is in the air. this song speaks of what we love most about spring - new life. resurrection hope.

this is called...

grace.

need i say more?

i'm loving these

it's nice to have a resource like these ways to play. it's one less thing for me to plan!

To Help Me On To God

The hymn "Am I a Soldier of the Cross?" poses the question, "Is this vile world a friend to grace to help me on to God?"

Of course, no, this vile world isn't a friend to grace. But God in His grace, has put many friends in this world who are helping me on to Him.

I often picture what the events described in 1 Corinthians 3 will be like:

12 Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— 13 each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.

I know that I alone will be responsible for any work that doesn't survive and is burned up. But the work that does survive? That's a different story. I will receive a reward for that? Really? I surely will have to pass off that reward to the others who have helped me build.

And there are many who have helped and are helping me build. Some are friends I have lived closely with - Marcia, Bridget, Joy, Vivian, and Charisse come to mind. Some are friends I haven't necessarily met in person, but who have been a means of grace in my life through their writing and testimony - Elisabeth Elliot Gren, Jim Elliot, Jay Adams, John Piper, Janelle, Nicole, Kristin and Carolyn and others.

But one friend will most definitely deserve my reward instead of me. Elizabeth and I, independently of each other, read Shopping for Time in 2008. A few months later, we were talking about the book and the topic of the "5 AM Club" came up. We both were burdened with not wasting the busy season of motherhood God had us in, and before the conversation was over, we committed to text each other wake up texts early in the mornings (not 5 AM, but still early for us!).  And all praise to Christ, we are still texting each other early in the morning!

Being a night owl, I always preferred reading in the evenings. But then newborns and toddlers came along and my time really was not my own anymore. I needed to rise early if I was going to have meaningful time with the Lord. I think the sentences from the book that God used to get my attention were:

[Quoting Martha Peace] 'I have heard of women who pride themselves on being "night people". That means they have trouble getting up in the mornings because they come alive at night. They may stay up till all hours reading, watching television, or pursuing some sort of interest.  They next morning they are too tired to get up and care for their family... these women are not "night people". They are lazy and selfish. Who would not rather stay up late to do whatever they please and sleep late the next day? Once a young wife begins getting up earlier than her children and husband, she will cease to be a "night person". She will be tired and go to bed at a reasonable hour so she will be there to serve her family the next morning.'

Guilty as charged! We've all been those lazy and selfish women- and continue to battle that temptation. Yet each of us can testify that our early morning time is often more profitably spent than our late-night hours.

And, although there still are those who are more productive at night, rising early has definitely made me less of a night person! It's ironic then, that I'm writing this post after midnight, right? :)

The fruit that rising early has borne in my life is hard to articulate, but I will try. My husband describes spiritual growth in terms of what it's like to see a child again who you haven't seen for a few years. The child's physical growth would be very obvious over time, but day in and day out, if one was watching the child, the growth would barely be detectable. I love that illustration because it reminds me that spiritual growth will happen over time and actually IS happening now. I might not always see it. In fact, I often am only confronted with how short I fall. But day in and day out as I rise early and sit at Jesus' feet and feed on His Word, change is happening in this sinful heart of mine! And that change is helping me to build on the foundation of Jesus Christ. So on the day when I stand before Him, there just might be some work that is not consumed. What a thought! And on that day, I surely will bow my unworthy self low to the ground and thank Him for people like Elizabeth, who helped me on to Him.

our 3 babes

he is almost 10 months old and doesn't have a tooth in his mouth yet. but, the poor babe is miserable. i have a feeling in a few weeks he's going to have a mouth full of chompers. i love his little gums though and am enjoying his toothless grin for a little bit longer!

and this girl...she never sees an obstacle. just a hurdle - literally. she herkies, toe touches, long jumps and high jumps around our house. she will often be seen with a ball in her hand. yesterday she was tossing it up the steps and catching it as it bounced back. and her energy is paralleled only by her compassion. this tough girl has a nurturing heart. and she loves lions. not sure why, but she does. mean ones and nice ones.

and then there's the kindergartener. she's busy pretending to be mrs. hubbard, learning her sight words, vowel sounds,  word families, and numbers, and wishing for snow days and summer break. lunch and recess are still her favorite parts of the day. :) she and her sister love knock knock jokes and can compete with any boy in their potty humor. really. did i just admit that?!

i can't say i wasn't warned

about the love a mama has for her boy.

happy 9 months, little mr.

we love you!

A Feminist by Nature

The other day the girls and I were recounting God's blessings and help to our family through 2010. We were talking about Matt's ordination which prompted Stella to ask, "Can girls be pastors?" "No...", I said, but was interrupted mid-sentence by, "What?! Why not?!" The part of me that is still being sanctified wanted to criticize God's way and affirm my little girl and encourage her to be  "liberated" and "independent." But, thankfully, because God is freeing my feminist heart from the foolishness of the world's way, I said, "The Bible says..." but once again, I was interrupted by an indignant, "That men are better than women?!" So I continued, "No, not at all! The Bible teaches that God made men and women equal in worth. But God has given us different jobs to do...and we have to trust that God's way is best." She was obviously disappointed.

I'm sure this is the first of many conversations we'll have about this subject. Not because there is anything extraordinarily rebellious about Stella above any other girl. But because she's a daughter of Eve - the first woman to believe the Devil's lie and question that God's plan for her was best.

We as women, and humankind in general, need to keep being cured of our suspicions of God. Milton Vincent says, "[T]he gospel changes my view of God's commandments, in that it helps me to see the heart of the Person from whom those commandments come. When I begin my train of thought with the gospel, I realize that if God loved me enough to sacrifice His Son's life for me, then He must be guided by that same love when He speaks His commandments to me. Viewing God's commands and prohibitions in this light, I can see them for what they really are: friendly signposts from a heavenly Father who is seeking to love me through each directive, so that I might experience His very fullness forever."

And I'll need to read that again...and again...when I'm tempted to indignantly question God's wisdom. Stella revealed openly what my heart often says to itself in a more "mature" way. May God help us both to submit to His loving ways and start our thinking with the gospel.

2011

By faith we'll walk as You walk with us.                   -photo by joy m., 2003

Grasping the Heights

It's that time of year again. Time to reprint one of these and fill in the blanks for the year ahead. 

What a helpful exercise it has been this past year! So as to keep it from being a wasted effort, Matt suggested we review it together each quarter and see if we were making progress and evaluate adjustments necessary to keep moving forward in the year by the grace of God. I remember one of the times we went through it, Schaeffer was very new. I wondered if I'd be able to keep my eyes open as we went through each question :), but it was just what I needed. I need help, with or without a newborn, to keep "grasp[ing] the heights of His plans for [me]." 

This year, we're inviting our Stella girl to join us. We are helping her establish some spiritual age-appropriate goals. Not because we're trying to give some false assurance to her still unconverted heart that she is capable of becoming moral enough to earn God's favor. We're doing it to help show her the humility in such an exercise. None of us "hit the mark." But the main reason we're having her do it is because we want her to see the One who does hit the mark. He lived a perfect life that never needed improved upon. His active obedience simultaneously condemns and offers hope. For every way we fall short, He kept God's standard perfectly. We want this to help her realize her desperate need to cling to Christ for salvation. 

As we spill much ink filling the blanks for the year ahead, we ask: "Lord, please set our minds on things above not on things on this earth. We want to see things from where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. We don't want to be earth bound and content with where we are during this short sojourn here -- playing with mud-pies as it were when all of the blessings in Christ are available to us. Give us eyes to grasp the heights of your plans for us which are nothing less than Christlikeness. Make us like your Son. Help us mortify the flesh with all of it's sinful desires. Lord, we need Christ!!!!"

Now I lay me down to sleep

Sometimes going to sleep is a fearful thing. With our three precious ones snug in their beds, it's hard to close my eyes and surrender to the vulnerability that comes with sleeping because I know all that could happen in this sinful, dark world around us. That's why last night what made me drift off in peace wasn't visions of sugar-plums (whatever those are!). It was the reality that "everything sad is coming untrue." It was the fact that Jesus came to earth and identified with us in this horrible place so He could do exactly what  He was supposed to do - save His people from their sins. And He's doing it right now! The restoration has started every time a sinner bows the knee to Him. A little bit of the horror of this sinful world and the hopelessness of sinful hearts comes untrue. Eventually this world that is broken and lost and paralyzed in fear - to the point that people put bars over their windows and buy home security systems - will one day be restored to perfection. Every molecule will function as it was originally intended and every knee will bow in submission to His Lordship. It all will be made right because we have a glorious Christ (part 2 should be up soon) who is greater than sin!


This is the hope of Christmas! And so we say with the heavenly hosts, "Glory to God in the highest!" The kingdoms of this world will become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ! And He shall reign and there will be peace on earth...and in my heart tonight when I lie down to sleep again.

A Christmas Favorite

Holy Child who chose the hearts of men

To be His favoured home
Leaving heaven’s gates for Bethlehem
God came to call His own
Now to us the highest King is born
Behold the Royal Son
Glory kneels to mend all that is torn
The promised Child has come

Joy and pain as man He knew on earth
No place to lay His head
As a servant He embraced this world

And on a cross He bled
Having borne the deepest grief of man
He rose to heaven’s throne
Now I’m sheltered in the Father’s hand
I stand by grace alone

May the gift of God amaze us still
The triumph of all time
As His child I kneel to Heaven’s will
To make His purpose mine
Though this road be scarred with trial and pain
It’s paved with lavish grace
Knowing Him will be my greatest gain
My hope the Saviour’s face

                                                     -(Holy Child Who Chose the Hearts of Men, Getty)