To Help Me On To God

The hymn "Am I a Soldier of the Cross?" poses the question, "Is this vile world a friend to grace to help me on to God?"

Of course, no, this vile world isn't a friend to grace. But God in His grace, has put many friends in this world who are helping me on to Him.

I often picture what the events described in 1 Corinthians 3 will be like:

12 Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— 13 each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.

I know that I alone will be responsible for any work that doesn't survive and is burned up. But the work that does survive? That's a different story. I will receive a reward for that? Really? I surely will have to pass off that reward to the others who have helped me build.

And there are many who have helped and are helping me build. Some are friends I have lived closely with - Marcia, Bridget, Joy, Vivian, and Charisse come to mind. Some are friends I haven't necessarily met in person, but who have been a means of grace in my life through their writing and testimony - Elisabeth Elliot Gren, Jim Elliot, Jay Adams, John Piper, Janelle, Nicole, Kristin and Carolyn and others.

But one friend will most definitely deserve my reward instead of me. Elizabeth and I, independently of each other, read Shopping for Time in 2008. A few months later, we were talking about the book and the topic of the "5 AM Club" came up. We both were burdened with not wasting the busy season of motherhood God had us in, and before the conversation was over, we committed to text each other wake up texts early in the mornings (not 5 AM, but still early for us!).  And all praise to Christ, we are still texting each other early in the morning!

Being a night owl, I always preferred reading in the evenings. But then newborns and toddlers came along and my time really was not my own anymore. I needed to rise early if I was going to have meaningful time with the Lord. I think the sentences from the book that God used to get my attention were:

[Quoting Martha Peace] 'I have heard of women who pride themselves on being "night people". That means they have trouble getting up in the mornings because they come alive at night. They may stay up till all hours reading, watching television, or pursuing some sort of interest.  They next morning they are too tired to get up and care for their family... these women are not "night people". They are lazy and selfish. Who would not rather stay up late to do whatever they please and sleep late the next day? Once a young wife begins getting up earlier than her children and husband, she will cease to be a "night person". She will be tired and go to bed at a reasonable hour so she will be there to serve her family the next morning.'

Guilty as charged! We've all been those lazy and selfish women- and continue to battle that temptation. Yet each of us can testify that our early morning time is often more profitably spent than our late-night hours.

And, although there still are those who are more productive at night, rising early has definitely made me less of a night person! It's ironic then, that I'm writing this post after midnight, right? :)

The fruit that rising early has borne in my life is hard to articulate, but I will try. My husband describes spiritual growth in terms of what it's like to see a child again who you haven't seen for a few years. The child's physical growth would be very obvious over time, but day in and day out, if one was watching the child, the growth would barely be detectable. I love that illustration because it reminds me that spiritual growth will happen over time and actually IS happening now. I might not always see it. In fact, I often am only confronted with how short I fall. But day in and day out as I rise early and sit at Jesus' feet and feed on His Word, change is happening in this sinful heart of mine! And that change is helping me to build on the foundation of Jesus Christ. So on the day when I stand before Him, there just might be some work that is not consumed. What a thought! And on that day, I surely will bow my unworthy self low to the ground and thank Him for people like Elizabeth, who helped me on to Him.

our 3 babes

he is almost 10 months old and doesn't have a tooth in his mouth yet. but, the poor babe is miserable. i have a feeling in a few weeks he's going to have a mouth full of chompers. i love his little gums though and am enjoying his toothless grin for a little bit longer!

and this girl...she never sees an obstacle. just a hurdle - literally. she herkies, toe touches, long jumps and high jumps around our house. she will often be seen with a ball in her hand. yesterday she was tossing it up the steps and catching it as it bounced back. and her energy is paralleled only by her compassion. this tough girl has a nurturing heart. and she loves lions. not sure why, but she does. mean ones and nice ones.

and then there's the kindergartener. she's busy pretending to be mrs. hubbard, learning her sight words, vowel sounds,  word families, and numbers, and wishing for snow days and summer break. lunch and recess are still her favorite parts of the day. :) she and her sister love knock knock jokes and can compete with any boy in their potty humor. really. did i just admit that?!

i can't say i wasn't warned

about the love a mama has for her boy.

happy 9 months, little mr.

we love you!

A Feminist by Nature

The other day the girls and I were recounting God's blessings and help to our family through 2010. We were talking about Matt's ordination which prompted Stella to ask, "Can girls be pastors?" "No...", I said, but was interrupted mid-sentence by, "What?! Why not?!" The part of me that is still being sanctified wanted to criticize God's way and affirm my little girl and encourage her to be  "liberated" and "independent." But, thankfully, because God is freeing my feminist heart from the foolishness of the world's way, I said, "The Bible says..." but once again, I was interrupted by an indignant, "That men are better than women?!" So I continued, "No, not at all! The Bible teaches that God made men and women equal in worth. But God has given us different jobs to do...and we have to trust that God's way is best." She was obviously disappointed.

I'm sure this is the first of many conversations we'll have about this subject. Not because there is anything extraordinarily rebellious about Stella above any other girl. But because she's a daughter of Eve - the first woman to believe the Devil's lie and question that God's plan for her was best.

We as women, and humankind in general, need to keep being cured of our suspicions of God. Milton Vincent says, "[T]he gospel changes my view of God's commandments, in that it helps me to see the heart of the Person from whom those commandments come. When I begin my train of thought with the gospel, I realize that if God loved me enough to sacrifice His Son's life for me, then He must be guided by that same love when He speaks His commandments to me. Viewing God's commands and prohibitions in this light, I can see them for what they really are: friendly signposts from a heavenly Father who is seeking to love me through each directive, so that I might experience His very fullness forever."

And I'll need to read that again...and again...when I'm tempted to indignantly question God's wisdom. Stella revealed openly what my heart often says to itself in a more "mature" way. May God help us both to submit to His loving ways and start our thinking with the gospel.

2011

By faith we'll walk as You walk with us.                   -photo by joy m., 2003

Grasping the Heights

It's that time of year again. Time to reprint one of these and fill in the blanks for the year ahead. 

What a helpful exercise it has been this past year! So as to keep it from being a wasted effort, Matt suggested we review it together each quarter and see if we were making progress and evaluate adjustments necessary to keep moving forward in the year by the grace of God. I remember one of the times we went through it, Schaeffer was very new. I wondered if I'd be able to keep my eyes open as we went through each question :), but it was just what I needed. I need help, with or without a newborn, to keep "grasp[ing] the heights of His plans for [me]." 

This year, we're inviting our Stella girl to join us. We are helping her establish some spiritual age-appropriate goals. Not because we're trying to give some false assurance to her still unconverted heart that she is capable of becoming moral enough to earn God's favor. We're doing it to help show her the humility in such an exercise. None of us "hit the mark." But the main reason we're having her do it is because we want her to see the One who does hit the mark. He lived a perfect life that never needed improved upon. His active obedience simultaneously condemns and offers hope. For every way we fall short, He kept God's standard perfectly. We want this to help her realize her desperate need to cling to Christ for salvation. 

As we spill much ink filling the blanks for the year ahead, we ask: "Lord, please set our minds on things above not on things on this earth. We want to see things from where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. We don't want to be earth bound and content with where we are during this short sojourn here -- playing with mud-pies as it were when all of the blessings in Christ are available to us. Give us eyes to grasp the heights of your plans for us which are nothing less than Christlikeness. Make us like your Son. Help us mortify the flesh with all of it's sinful desires. Lord, we need Christ!!!!"

Now I lay me down to sleep

Sometimes going to sleep is a fearful thing. With our three precious ones snug in their beds, it's hard to close my eyes and surrender to the vulnerability that comes with sleeping because I know all that could happen in this sinful, dark world around us. That's why last night what made me drift off in peace wasn't visions of sugar-plums (whatever those are!). It was the reality that "everything sad is coming untrue." It was the fact that Jesus came to earth and identified with us in this horrible place so He could do exactly what  He was supposed to do - save His people from their sins. And He's doing it right now! The restoration has started every time a sinner bows the knee to Him. A little bit of the horror of this sinful world and the hopelessness of sinful hearts comes untrue. Eventually this world that is broken and lost and paralyzed in fear - to the point that people put bars over their windows and buy home security systems - will one day be restored to perfection. Every molecule will function as it was originally intended and every knee will bow in submission to His Lordship. It all will be made right because we have a glorious Christ (part 2 should be up soon) who is greater than sin!


This is the hope of Christmas! And so we say with the heavenly hosts, "Glory to God in the highest!" The kingdoms of this world will become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ! And He shall reign and there will be peace on earth...and in my heart tonight when I lie down to sleep again.

A Christmas Favorite

Holy Child who chose the hearts of men

To be His favoured home
Leaving heaven’s gates for Bethlehem
God came to call His own
Now to us the highest King is born
Behold the Royal Son
Glory kneels to mend all that is torn
The promised Child has come

Joy and pain as man He knew on earth
No place to lay His head
As a servant He embraced this world

And on a cross He bled
Having borne the deepest grief of man
He rose to heaven’s throne
Now I’m sheltered in the Father’s hand
I stand by grace alone

May the gift of God amaze us still
The triumph of all time
As His child I kneel to Heaven’s will
To make His purpose mine
Though this road be scarred with trial and pain
It’s paved with lavish grace
Knowing Him will be my greatest gain
My hope the Saviour’s face

                                                     -(Holy Child Who Chose the Hearts of Men, Getty)

these cheeks!

Our Prodigal God

The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

                                -Zephaniah 3.17

Pounding on Wittenberg's Door

photo: wikimedia.org

Romans 1.17 - For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

Happy Reformation Day!

My Worst Subject

I've never been good at math, but I really want and need to be good at this kind of math!

Giving Thought to Gospel 'Math': Why Jesus + Nothing = Everything

Through the Years

26th

27th

28th

29th

 30th

31st

We only have digital pics from the past 5 years, but I remember some things about the past 9 birthdays we've celebrated together. They are marked by different ways we've celebrated...where we went, what we ate, and gifts you received. But the thing I remember most as I look through the pictures and think back through the years, is what God was doing in our lives during those times. Like the M Div mid-semester deluge of reading and papers, the Audi project, my sickness after Stella was born, the church planting survey trip, many MACPs, and many pregnancies. These pictures are a reminder that as we mark the years, we are marking God's work in your life. He is growing you from one degree of glory to another with each passing year. That's cause to celebrate! Happy Birthday, Love!


And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. (2 Corinthians 3.18)

Taking Heed

During Summer Bible Conference in 2006, Pastor Dan Davey spoke on the topic of preparing our hearts to hear the Word of God in corporate worship. He passed out a sheet called "Take Heed How You Hear" by John Piper. On the sheet are 10 practical preparations. The sheet has served me well on Sunday mornings since that time and helped me to deal with my self-centeredness, irritation with others and easily triggered temper (starting w/ my own family on Sunday as we seek to get out the door), dull emotions, and waning appetite and affections for sacred things - namely God Himself. I need my heart searched, sin exposed and love ignited to do the blessed work of worship. So as the best day of the week is a few hours away, let our preparations begin!

Click it or Ticket

Guess it's time to start buckling him in!

A Day of Firsts...and Seconds

Wow! The house was so quiet today. It was nice hearing the little things that a 2-year old does. It's not that she was doing anything different than normal. It's just that it was actually noticeable today! I heard little feet walking around in shoes that were way too big for her. I heard the "pat, pat, pat, pat" that gives Rocket more power. I heard words and groups of words that I've never noticed coming out of her mouth before - noticed being the key word. Has the poor child been talking this much for awhile and I'm just now realizing all the words she's putting together?! Lunch was quiet too and there were no art supplies scattered on the table to be cleaned up when I served the food.
But, it was a good day.
Even though it was a day of firsts, for the second time in my motherhood, I also had the joy of once again focusing my attention and energy almost exclusively on the toddler stage and all the good (and bad!) that comes with it. I cracked open "God's Wisdom for Little Girls"  and tears filled my eyes. I vividly remember the day I started going through that book with Stella just a little over 3 years ago. I remember it so clearly because it was at a crossroads of sorts in my life. We had just been through over 30 weeks of pregnancy between 2 pregnancies which both resulted in miscarriages. I was putting Stella to bed for her afternoon nap. All I wanted to do was go to bed myself and cry. God was working in my heart and testing my affections and I was struggling. I knew I needed to begin working with Stella more intentionally in biblical instruction. But to be honest, it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was confronted with the sinfulness of my heart at that moment when I realized I could very easily neglect the opportunity to train and teach Stella and instead give into the temptation to become embittered over God's sovereign choices in my life in taking away something good that I desperately wanted. I remember fighting Him. And I remember His grace conquering those rebel powers that were rearing their ugly head. I bent down and picked up the book from her book basket and opened it to the first page. I read to her through tears that day. Tears, because of the battle I was fighting, and tears, because of the verse, in God's providence, I read - "Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies." (Proverbs 31:10) I wept as I read the word 'rubies' because we knew if we had another girl we would've named her Ruby. I prayed with Stella and asked that God would work those virtues in her heart by His power and walked from her crib. By His grace and power alone, I was taking a small step in submitting to His will.  At that point in time, that difficult obedience to deny my fleshly desires and responses in that hard circumstance, lead to many, many wonderful times of instruction with my Stella girl over these past years. Because, most importantly, those big brown eyes looking up at me needed me to tell her of a Jesus who is good all the time - even when Mommy's heart is breaking and even if I had to say it in tears. He gave peace in the storm and satisfied my aching heart in a way nothing - not even a precious baby - could have. So today, when I opened that book, I remembered all of this. And I will tomorrow too. Because now some big blue eyes, which happen to belong to our little girl named Ruby, are looking up at me and she needs to hear of that same Jesus too.

Stella waking up this morning

  (notice Ruby still asleep in the fetal position and Hello Kitty precariously hanging off the edge of the bed - love it!!)

Just a little bed head!! :)

Eating breakfast with Ruby looking on

The pile of things she had to take to school. We were cracking up when she walked out of the gym this morning because she looked like she might not make it another step under the weight of everything!

Mommy and Stella almost 5 years ago to the day

and Mommy and her girl today

Stella couldn't have been more excited!

With her wonderful teacher - notice the teddy bear on Stella's shoulder!

"For the joy of human love...

brother, sister, parent, child...

 Christ, our God, to Thee we raise, this our hymn of grateful praise!"

Reflections as the First Day Approaches

I just can't stop thinking about Stella starting school. Of late, I have been enjoying reminiscing about some precious memories she and I have made over the past five years. Like last night...I was walking through the grocery picking out a kiwi and remembered a silly song we sang about kiwi one time (that turned into many times) when we were shopping. Then I was over in the book area and remembered how we used to load up on books for her to look at while we shopped. (She is very easy on things normally and the books were no worse for wear. I have tried this with a certain other beloved child in our brood and have ended up purchasing a book because of what resulted in a poor decapitated pop-up zebra who couldn't escape her grasp...but I digress!) There are many of these special moments I'm reminded of lately. But I must admit I've been plagued with feelings of guilt too. Questions arise in my mind, "Have I taught her enough?...played with her enough?...pretended enough?...disciplined right and enough?...loved enough? Have we memorized enough Scripture? Have we exposed her to enough and sheltered her from enough?...kissed enough boo-boos?...wiped enough tears?" and the list goes on.

To get relief from these thoughts I don't ultimately comfort myself by looking back at our daily schedules and completed projects and filled workbooks and tattered-paged books and pictures of fun outings, and videos of songs sung, verses memorized and catechisms recited. Those things are comforting to some degree because they are evidences of God's grace and strength equipping Matt and me to lay a good foundation for the future and serve our family in meaningful ways. But ultimately my comfort from these guilt feelings isn't in what I've done. Because the truth is I haven't done enough. And even what I've done hasn't been done as well as it could've been. I have fallen short even in the best of times. So ultimately I go back to the fact that we have a God who IS enough. He always accomplishes what He sets out to do and He does it perfectly. He is never angry or mean or spiteful. He is never preoccupied or impatient. He is never absent or neglectful. He always has time, is never late or forgetful, and He always follows through on His good intentions. And because He is enough and always does enough, I comfort myself that Stella has the greatest hope for the future. As good as our memories are, I pray that the best is yet to be for her. That she'll know her perfect heavenly Father soon and have all her needs and wants fulfilled in Him for His glory. I can't do for her what He can...and I was never intended to. So when I'm tempted to despair at opportunities missed or good days passed, I look to Him for hope...hope for me and hope for her. And that is enough!

A few pictures of Stella-girl going in for her interview with Mrs. Hubbard in June:

Tay-fur, Tay-fur, Tay-fur

Ruby started saying Schaeffer's name last week. Until then she had referred to him as "baby" but now she chants his name and moves her arms imitating him. It's too cute.


Our boy is 3 months old today. He still has some of his newborn-ness - he's still all balled up (maybe it's b/c I mush him up so he stays that way), he still makes a few of the cute little "new" noises, he's still a bobble-head, and he still smells like a newborn - but I know over the next few weeks these sweet things will disappear all too soon.


So for the next month I'll be mushing and listening and sniffing (selectively!) to enjoy these fleeting moments all I can. Don't grow too fast, baby boy.

Snuggling with his Ammy

 

I had to put this picture in of Stella (above) b/c he sleeps the exact same way she did! They both love to throw their heads back and sleep almost in a back-bend! 

With our sweet friend Isabelle