The Ecuador 5

 

    photo source 

Sunday is the anniversary of the death of Nate Saint, Jim Elliot, Pete Fleming, Ed McCully, and Roger Youderian. I mark this date since Jim Elliot was one of my best friends in college. We went through similar crossroads of faith during our young adult years and his example assured me of my calling to live as a missionary wherever God had me.

"Wherever you are, be all there," he said. "Live to the hilt any situation you believe to be the will of God."

My heart pleaded the same, when he prayed, "Father, make of me a crisis [person]. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me."

He didn't let his pursuit of holiness stop him from befriending those who weren't like him. He told of this opportunity: "These are the days of exercise over Herb Gundelach and Bill Wilbur. They came last Sunday and were startled by the claims of the resurrection. Both men stirred and responsive. Spent eight hours in their smoke-filled apartments yesterday. Ah, it is a privilege to speak of the honor of Christ while choking on tobacco smoke."

After hearing his heart's cry, I started to let my own grasp loosen on things never really mine: "Father, let me be weak that I might lose my clutch on everything temporal. My life, my reputation, my possessions, Lord, let me loose the tension of a grasping hand...Rather, open my hand to receive the nail of Calvary - as Christ's was opened - that I, releasing all, might be released, unleashed from all that binds me here. He thought heaven - yea, equality with God - not a thing to be clutched at...so let me release my grasp."

Yes, he lived 49 years before me and was killed before my mom was even born. But he, like Abel, through his faith still speaks (Hebrews 11:4).

Last summer, I had the joy of introducing Stella to him through this video. His life story is a little heavy for a then 5-year-old, but it's one she needs to know. Believing the gospel and following Jesus aren't easy, contrary to what much of American Christianity portrays.

Living in the 'land of the free', we aren't sure all the ways we can communicate to our kids the historical norm of suffering for His name. We personally don't experience it, so we can barely lead by example in this area. We know we can do better taking risks for the gospel, though.

Because, as Matt reminds me, we need to be ready to suffer. The expectation of suffering has to be on our radar.  No, we shouldn't seek it out unnecessarily, but we shouldn't be shocked or frustrated when it happens either.

I Peter 4:12-14: "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you."

Another verse that helps keep Bible perspective before me on this topic is John 12:24: "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."

Suffering and physical death for His sake bears gospel fruit. God used Jim Elliot's death to convince me that Jesus is better than life! And I am just one of 'many seeds'! A tribe of Auca Indians (now called the Waodani) in the jungles of Ecuador are convinced of the message too!

 ________________________________
All Jim Elliot quotes taken from, The Journals of Jim Elliot, ed. by Elisabeth Elliot, 1978.

Facing the Fear of 2012

Sometimes there is joy at the beginning of a new year - the excitement of the unknown, the freshness of a clean slate, the optimism of new opportunities and adventures. But often for me, a new year is ominous.  It causes an unsettled fear that some bad things are lurking around the corners of the calendar page. Will this be the year of an unwanted diagnosis? A life-altering accident? A death?

There are ways of dealing with these fears. Some calculate the likelihood of certain things happening and find comfort in the odds of the unlikely. Others practice the power of positive thinking, or to put a "Christian" twist on it, believing in "faith" that God has good things planned for His children which don't involve suffering. Some turn to medication to help calm anxiety and ease the harshness of reality.  And others enter the year as Epicureans, eating drinking and being merry with no thought of the future.

None of those options are really helpful to me. They can even be harmful, unnecessary crutches, keeping me from relying on Christ completely. So how do I face 2012?

My fears remind me of my humble position. I am finite. I have  limited knowledge and am dependent on God for everything from the care of my family to the next breath I take. Going to sleep reminds me of the same things.  When I close my eyes, I'm humbly admitting  my weakness - I need sleep, and my dependence - I trust One who needs nothing and sees everything when I am unable to see anything. Those reminders are magnified at a new year, when it's not just 7 hours I'm depending on Him for, but 12 months...52 weeks...365 days!

A few years ago, I read Womanly Dominion, by Mark Chanski. Although I don't prefer the way he handles some of the subjects in the book, there are a couple chapters that more than make up for the weaknesses. The chapter, "Womanly Dominion in Facing Your Fears," is one of them.

Time and time again, I have gone back to the Bible truths he posits. He says, "Fretting and paralyzing fear is no condition for the spiritually healthy, well-adjusted child of God. Psalm 37:1 says, "Do not fret..." The wise woman will continually tell herself, "Do not fret." "The wicked flee when no one is pursuing, but the righteous are bold as a lion" (Proverbs 28:1). Lion-like confidence is the fitting face and heart for a woman of God. Retreating and paralyzing fear is the handiwork of the Devil."

So he counseled me, as he did a 20-something woman sitting in his office fighting oppression and depression stemming from the fear she'd never marry:

'"Stare your worst fears right in the eye...You need to climb into that attic [of your worst fears]...It seems unbearable. But is it really? Shine the light on it. I know it seems unendurably bleak and dark like 'the valley of the shadow of death.' But shine the light of God's word on it. Look! You're not alone at all. Your Good Shepherd is with you there in that...valley. He's pledged, 'Lo I am with you always, even to the end of the age' (Matthew 28:20). Your Father promised to provide all of your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). If you spend some time meditatively exploring this attic in light of the Scriptures, you'll sleep much better and glorify God much more."'

These gospel truths enable me to stare the fears of 2012 in the face. Not in a presumptuous way, as if I'm the master of my own destiny, but in bold humility. I can step with joyful confidence into another year. This stepping isn't a blind, existential leap of faith, or a superstitious, rub-the-rabbit's-foot-before-I-jump, leap of faith. It's a step that is backed by all the promises of God in Christ that are "Yes!" And in Him, "Amen!" (2 Corinthians 1:20). It's a step that knows He is faithful to me because He cannot deny Himself (2 Timothy 2:13). Faithful is who He is. It's a sure step, because "I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him [the salvation of my soul] until that day" (2 Timothy 1:12).

With that kind of gospel confidence, I can truthfully say, "Happy New Year!"

this face

 

 

it's because of this face that i got a lump in my throat while eating lunch at panera some months back. i wasn't quite sure why, but then realized i had glanced at men in suits eating on their lunch hour and knew someday this boy would grow up and have to be a man in this cold, hard world.

so i kissed his mushy cheeks, let him cry hard over his boo-boos, held his chubby hand, rubbed his little back, and let him be the baby he still is.

the time will come, all too soon, for me to "close the blinds on my windows" (my mother-in-law's advice) while he tests his physical limits by jumping out of trees and reenacting the x-games. soon enough, he'll have to learn to gladly embrace responsibility by following the hard path Christ, the greatest man, charted first - the path of selfless service for the good of others to the glory of God.

on december 4th, he turned 19 months old. and i looked at this face again and was glad to see he still has bugs bunny teeth. guess that means my blinds can be open awhile longer.

 

bottom photos: amaezing productions, tim peterson

Reformations

On this Reformation Day, I'm thankful for the jars of clay God used to show me the all-surpassing greatness of His power, specifically as manifested in the Doctrines of Grace. 

After laboring under the burden of man-centered theology for about 5 years, I was to the end of myself. I so desperately wanted release from the guilty conscience and fear of judgment that relentlessly plagued me. It was about this time, God in His providence, brought me to a red bound book by Martin Luther in the unlikely place of our small library in Cambridge, OH. I found a companion in misery as I read and related to Martin Luther's efforts, trying to keep God's commands and gain acceptance before Him. The more he labored, the more condemnation he felt heaped upon him. But what glorious freedom he discovered when God convinced him of the liberating truth that the righteousness He justly demands, He also justly provides! And so God used the great reformer himself to start a reformation, of sorts, in my heart.

In the fall of that same year, God also used Dr. Michael P. V. Barrett, to continue lifting my eyes from the despair of bad theology to the precious doctrines I now hold so dear. Dr. Barrett's constant refrain, "Read your Bible, people!" still rings in my ears.  It was in the pages of Scripture where I began to grasp the significance of divine sovereignty. I found a theology that puts God where He deserves to be, in control of all things, starting with the salvation of my soul. God used Dr. Barrett's gospel-centeredness (before it was "in") to tear down my self-reliance and pull up all the stakes I had driven. Burdens began to roll as I sat in his class hearing, "The strength of your faith isn't in the amount of your faith, but the Object of your faith!" I saw my gracious God caring for my soul, leading me in the well-worn paths of His electing love for me where His goodness and mercy were literally chasing me down like a dog nipping at my heels. The more I knew of this God the more I loved Him, continuing still to this very day.

It is appropriate then, on the day the start of the Reformation is remembered, to reiterate my thankfulness for all God has done for me in Christ. My conscience is no longer captive to the word of man but to the Word of God. When Satan and my own heart parade all my guilt before me, I don't try harder to muster more faith to believe or dig deeper for more will power to fight against it . I run to Christ, whose work on by behalf stills all my striving.

A hymn that became precious to me during those reforming years is, "Not What My Hands Have Done", by Horatius Bonar.

Not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul;
Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole.
Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God;
Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.

Your voice alone, O Lord, can speak to me of grace;
Your power alone, O Son of God, can all my sin erase.
No other work but Yours, no other blood will do;
No strength but that which is divine can bear me safely through.

Thy work alone, O Christ, can ease this weight of sin;
Thy blood alone, O Lamb of God, can give me peace within.
Thy love to me, O God, not mine, O Lord, to Thee,
Can rid me of this dark unrest, And set my spirit free.

I bless the Christ of God; I rest on love divine;
And with unfaltering lip and heart I call this Savior mine.
His cross dispels each doubt; I bury in His tomb
Each thought of unbelief and fear, each lingering shade of gloom.

I praise the God of grace; I trust His truth and might;
He calls me His, I call Him mine, My God, my joy and light.
’Tis He Who saveth me, and freely pardon gives;
I love because He loveth me, I live because He lives.

to have and to {loosely} hold

                                      photo: joy mccarnan

you...

seek a city with foundations (Hebrews 13)
boast only in the cross (Galatians 6)
build as a wise builder, on Christ the one foundation of the church (1 Corinthians 3)
preach the gospel of the grace of God (1 Corinthians 9)
love your wife as Christ loved his church and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5)
bring up your children in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6)
live by the Spirit (Galatians 5)
walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5)
love him though you haven't seen him (1 Peter 1)
believe him and are filled with joy (1 Peter 1)
encourage others daily (Hebrews 3)
humble yourself under God's mighty hand (1 Peter 5)
are grasping with all saints how long and deep and high and wide Christ's love is (Ephesians 3)

and
you
are his, not mine.

holding you with loose hands, but holding you still, on your 32nd birthday.
i love you.

The Bible in 8 Months and 10 Days

It doesn't have quite the same ring to it as "The Bible in 90 Days," but I'm not marketing a Bible reading program to a church! :) Last week, I finally finished reading through the Bible, 5 months later than the rest of our congregation, but with God's help, I'm done! God taught me a lot of unexpected lessons through it, some worth recording here so I don't forget and maybe even to encourage you!

When our church announced the program toward the end of last year, I did not want to do it. I loved the approach I was taking of inductively studying through the Bible and had made it from Genesis to II Kings, with some study in Proverbs after Schaeffer arrived. I did not want to interrupt the good thing I had going. I admitted this to Matt but said I was going to do the program with our congregation anyway. His response, "Good. I wondered if I was going to have to make you do it." Nice. A reputation like that won't get you "Pastor's Wife of the Year." We talked about it, and both acknowledged since I am a slower reader coupled with this busy phase of life with young kids, the speed with which I would have to read to keep up was pretty unrealistic for me. I was overwhelmed before it began, but said I would do the best I could with God's help. 

And so it started on January 9. Within a few weeks, others were talking about how much they loved it and were seeing the big picture of Scripture like they'd never seen it before and I just kept thinking how much I wanted to get back to my plan. And so the lessons began. 

1) It didn't take me long to realize I loved my Bible study plan more than I loved God's Word. My tools of study had become more important than the blessed object of my study. Ouch.

2) In order to complete the reading in my life span, I self-imposed a fast from listening to online sermons (outside of our local church) and reading devotional books until I finished reading the Bible through. This fast revealed a few things.

        a) I had neglected to differentiate between what was helpful and what was necessary in my walk with God. John Piper's sermons are amazing. They minister to me and help push me closer to Christ in significant ways, but they aren't necessary for my Christian walk.

        b) I was too preoccupied with what and how much devotional/religious reading I was doing and being in the know about the latest and greatest books available. All the devotional resources we have at our disposal are such a blessing. People who know a lot more than me are writing some really great things from which I can definitely benefit. However, for a heart check going forward, I have to remind myself of Simon Peter's words recorded in John 6:

 “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have
come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” (emphasis mine)

What anyone else has to say isn't better than what God's Word says and no one else can say it better than God's Word says it.

3) A lot of spiritual activity with reading lists and the devotional gymnastics of journaling, color coded prayer lists and the like, contributed to a self-righteous attitude. When some of those things were removed from my routine to make more time for Bible reading, I realized how much I was relying on them for my secure standing before God instead of Christ's work on my behalf. I didn't "feel" as spiritual because I hadn't jumped through all the hoops I had instituted to "get to God."

4) There are times when reading the Scripture is more force feeding than enjoyable feasting. And that's OK. It's not hypocrisy to read anyway. It's obedience. But I need to pray that God would change my heart and help me taste the sweetness...even in the chronologies. :) Reading my Bible isn't really about me and how it's suiting my palate on any given day. It's about His people, in His place, under His rule. It's His story and although I'm part of it, I need to enjoy and love reading about what He has done, is doing and is going to do because I love Him. That makes for some good eats!  (Delete mental image of Alton Brown.)

 

These lessons aren't profound and some may be unique to my personality and it's dysfunctions. However, this Bible reading program surfaced sin struggles in the seemingly unlikely place of my devotional life. Maybe that's something to which we all can relate. The Scripture provides encouragement and hope for those kinds of sin struggles too. "...everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." (Romans 15:4)

Another School Year

1 Thessalonians 5:14

"And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone."

I picked this verse to challenge my heart as we start the school year - kind of tongue-in-cheek since I spend a lot of time 'warning those who are disruptive' :) - but mostly to remind myself to serve humbly. I need grace to meet each where he or she is, not where I think he or she should be. And this transfers into all of life beyond these four walls.

Today was our first day. We're homeschooling this year. We had a great year at the Christian school last year and Stella benefited in many ways. At this point, it is better for me to bring her back home with us so we can all be on the same routine, I can be more involved, and we can have a bit more time for her to enroll in some extra-curricular activities. We're involved in a local Classical Ed Co-op. She started viola lessons Tuesday and will start art lessons at the end of the month. 

I'm thankful for the opportunity to teach her this year. I remember when it first occurred to me a few years ago after something Pastor Ken said, that we as parents are ultimately responsible for our children's education. We can do it ourselves or we can delegate it to someone else, but the buck stops with us either way. So, this year, we've cut out the middle man. That probably won't always be the case, but this year it is.

Wendy Horger Alsup's post here, was helpful for me as we thought, talked and prayed through this decision. And just recently, Matt sent me this post and book recommendation which is also thought provoking and something we are open-minded about for the future. 

Education is important to us and we hope to give our kids the best quality possible. But as Christians, we have a philosophy of education that is subject to our ultimate mission through Christ's church here on earth. The educational choices for our children will then, by the grace of God, be subject to what furthers that mission in their lives personally, the lives of those in our neighborhood, and our family life as a whole. Everything we do is for the sake of the gospel.

That thought connects me back to the verse I referenced at the beginning from 1 Thessalonians. The context of that passage is the Day of the Lord and our preparation for it. Everything comes full circle. Even my days, spent mostly at home for now, helping the weak and encouraging the disheartened, are furthering the mission, preparing us all for that great Day.