I’m writing this post with a playlist in the background I
haven’t heard in over 6 years. Newborn baby squeaks, sighs, hiccups, and
sneezes.
This little darling, Eloise Sunshine, joined our family a
week ago today, when her birth parents signed their termination of parental
rights and Bethany Christian Services placed her into our temporary custody. We
are in the midst of a 90-day legal risk period before the adoption is finalized
legally in court.
I’ve been through labor three times and although I didn’t physically labor this time, the emotional labor of walking alongside her
birthparents the day of her birth and the 48-hours that followed, was similarly
exhausting.
We were amazed at the capacity of the human heart, stably
bookended by God’s faithful grace, to experience the full spectrum of human
emotion. We grieved for the birth parents. We have a relationship with them and
hated to see our friends hurting. We hugged them, cried for them, told them of
our love for them, and walked them out of the hospital at discharge reminding
them that though their hands might be empty, their hearts could be full of
assurance of our love for them and for the baby they gave birth to.
And in some ways we are glad for them. Glad for them to have
a fresh chance to focus on the priorities in their life they’ve said need
attention. I think of them when I’m up in the night with Eloise, sleep deprived
myself, energy quickly depleting during the day, knowing I’m pouring out my
life and time not just for her, but for them
too, praying they will have the
energy, time, wisdom, and discipline to do what they need to do.
In our adoption experience, you can trace with your hand a
string of love that connects our hearts to theirs. We acknowledge not
everything is perfect. We acknowledge our relationship with them is rather
complicated as far as human relationships go. But God has equipped Christians
to face situations like this; to incarnate sacrificially, like Jesus himself.
Paul Miller in his book, A
Loving Life, quotes B.B. Warfield on the self-giving of Christ:
“Self-sacrifice brought Christ into the world. And
self-sacrifice will lead us, His followers, not away from, but into the midst
of men [and women]. Wherever [they] suffer, there will we be to comfort. Wherever
[they] strive, there will we be to help. Wherever [they] fail, there will we be
to uplift. Wherever they succeed, there will we be to rejoice. Self-sacrifice means
not indifference to our times and our fellows: it means absorption in them. It
means forgetfulness of self in others. It means entering into every man and
woman’s hopes and fears, longings and despairs: it means many-sidedness of
spirit, multiform activity, multiplicity of sympathies. It means richness of development.
It means not that we should live one life, but a thousand lives – binding ourselves
to a thousand souls by the filaments of so loving a sympathy that their lives
become ours.”
And that, my friends, as you know, isn’t just adoption, but
the Christian life in general. It is joyfully hard. It is a chance to die to
self a thousand times every hour of every day. It is pressing the limits of
superficial love knowing the love you need can only be supernaturally derived.
It’s glorying in each weakness you see manifested emotionally, spiritually, and
physically, so that the power of Christ might rest on you. It’s pleading with
your heavenly Father, who gives generously, for the wisdom and grace you lack, and so desperately need. It’s asking God to keep creating faith in you, when
your heart is overcome with doubt and fear.
And we could not do it without you. Thank you, to our
friends and family who started this journey almost 4 years ago with us, and to
those friends who have joined us during the journey. We’ve needed you each step
and will continue to. While we are incarnating for Eloise and her birthparents
and for you, you have incarnated for us. It is a beautiful circle of grace.
Grace heaped upon grace.
There is only one hero in the Christian life and it’s Jesus
whose incarnation for us we will celebrate next month. Because he left the
glories of heaven and took on flesh to live, die, and rise again, we cling to
his flawless incarnation on our behalf. He is the only one who has succeeded at
living thousands upon thousands of lives perfectly. Will you exalt in Jesus
with us?
Thank you to Robyn Moore for capturing this special family memory so beautifully.
