I Love You When You Lose

Battle of the Books

Because this Museum of Memories isn't just for the wins. It's not about making me look like a rock star mom with above average you name it, so I can manage a certain public opinion of our family. It's about recording for each of you a history of our constant love for you, often in good times, but even in disappointing times. It's about assuring you we love you regardless of your performance. I just so happen to keep learning that lesson from the One who promises to love me with an everlasting love and continues his faithfulness to me. (Jeremiah 31:3) He recorded that message for me, in a museum of sorts, because He knew I'd need to keep remembering it too.

So rejoice in our love for you on this difficult day! And remember this is real life. Our love will help you learn from it and grow through it.

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Being a Christian Isn't Easy

Your 9-year-old hand penned those words and this mother's heart breathed a rare sigh of relief, since at least one of the things we've seemingly done right (still all of grace!) is not communicating to you that being a Christian is as easy as walking an aisle or merely saying a prayer. But at the same time, my 39-year-old heart, which has seen it's share of painful battering and still tender bruising, wonders what you can possibly know of how hard it really is.

So when your daddy asked you, "Do you promise to follow Jesus all the days of your life?", I had mixed feelings as you emphatically answered, "Yes!"

I've been 3 decades farther down the road of life than you, and as I grieved with a friend suffering loss recently, felt afresh the thorny ways, dreaded clouds, and bitter tastes which make up this life of following Jesus. What about all of those things you've yet to encounter? The few struggles you've had in your relatively easy life are nothing compared with what might, and most likely will, lie ahead for you in this cursed world.

How could we let you make such a promise?

Because God reminded me the strength of your promise made isn't in your ability to follow, but in his ability to lead. He is always putting us in a position which requires us to trust him, without all the specifics, but based on the fact of his character and actions. He often says, "This is who I am and this is what I do. Will you follow me?"

So as you answered with that enthusiastic "Yes!" God was really asking me again (as he has done so many times these past 9 years), "Do you trust me with her, Erica? Do you trust that I can lead her based on who I am and what I have promised to do?" And so, in my heart, I murmur a less eager but still resolute "Yes!" too.

I have to keep letting you go. Because you make a great daughter but a horrible idol. So I relinquish all my claims on you and submit them to his much higher and better claim on you. Yes, Stella, follow him! Follow him with all the passion your 9-year-old heart can muster. Don't look at the path, look at the Leader! Don't look at the building, look at the Builder. Don't look at the created, look at the Creator. Don't look at the story, look at the Author! He is a big God with a big plan for you.

Those thorny ways will lead to a joyful end, I remind myself. Those dreaded clouds are immense with mercy, and why wouldn't I want you to share with me in their breaking shower? And those bitter tastes are graciously washed down with the same free living water which has quenched your thirst eternally!

So welcome to his table, our daughter and sister. Jesus, thank you!

*Thanks to RJ and Emily Vergara for the powerful video of this special day in the life of our church.

The Joy of You

I watch you out the window as you run to our mailbox, eagerly anticipating the treasures in today's delivery. Any mom who spends her days at home can relate to this simple highlight of the day. And just like you don't want to miss the joy of the mail, I'm so thankful I haven't missed the joy of you, my boy.

Your sweaty curls bouncing, your eyes lighting up and smile spreading wide when you see your mama's there. You wave in excitement like it's the first time we've seen each other all day and run to the door to report, "It's boring mail today, Mama."

I remember that other day watching for you, just five years - more like blinks - ago. What would it be like having a boy? How would I parent you? What new things would I learn?

And then I held you and knew it would be OK. That I'd learn about you and how to one day at a time.

And by God's grace, I have.

Since then, I've learned that you are an early riser, even beating the sun up some mornings. You are immediately cheerful and busy from that first flip of your light switch. You throw open your drawers, get dressed and make your bed right away, ready to begin the play and conversation of the day.

I say conversation, because I've learned that you are a talker. Wow, can you pile up words! And I'm not always good at it, but I make myself stop and listen and look you in the eye, trying to make sense of how you're trying to make sense of life.

I've learned that you have a tender and empathetic heart. You have ears that hear both the faintest ambulance siren off in the distance and the one blaring right next to us, and always want to pray for those in distress. Even you know all is not as it should be in this broken world and have learned to call out to the only One who can fix it.

I've learned that you are a classic extrovert. You love meeting new people and your energy level rises exponentially in comparison to the number of people in the room. The sooner you can get to know them, the better. You call our neighbors by name and make small talk with them from across the street. Your friends at the YMCA can't wait for you to get there because everything's more fun with Schaeffer! One of the employees who could have today off is actually coming into work just because it's your birthday! You love people and people love you.

Along with that, I've learned that you do not lack confidence. Before your first ever soccer game you declared, "I'm gonna be good, Dad." And when you head into a new situation with new people present, you've been known to say, "They'll like me, Mom." I tease your dad that you have what I like to call "male reality distortion" (shown humorously in the Dove ad parody, "Men: You Aren't As Beautiful As You Think"). But whatever it is, prayerfully tempered with a good dose of reliance on God, I know it will serve you well in this hard world as you take risks and enter intimidating situations.

And because of all that I haven't missed, Son, there's so much that I'm going to miss about you when you head to kindergarten in just a few months.

But the Bible tells us you are another arrow for us to send off. So we'll start with that first brave five-year-old step into a new place, meeting that new person God has already prepared for you to learn from. She'll teach you things in a different way than I will, and it will be good for you to learn from her approach and to learn to respectfully submit to her authority. You'll meet new kids God has hand picked for you to grow with. Some will make you cry and some will make you laugh (and some will make you do both!), and you can count on the fact that I won't miss the opportunity to help you through it all with the only help I and your dad know, God's Word.

We won't miss the chance to apply it to your hurts and joys, your relationships - good and bad, your choices - easy and difficult, your education - what we agree with and what we don't, and your sin - always warring within you, in school and out.

But for now, these last few months we still have everyday together, we'll keep waiting for the mail, meeting new people, and praying for hurting ones.

And as much as I love writing about what a joy you are, I think it's time to close this post. Because I hear you a few rooms away, already awake, I'm sure dressed in your superhero shirt of the day, ready to talk and play...and I don't want to miss it!

Happy 5th Birthday, to our Schaeffey-Boy!

Photos Credit to Robyn Moore

 

Birth Announcement - here

First Birthday Tribute - here

Second Birthday Tribute - here

Third Birthday Tribute - here

Fourth Birthday Tribute - here

 

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