this face

 

 

it's because of this face that i got a lump in my throat while eating lunch at panera some months back. i wasn't quite sure why, but then realized i had glanced at men in suits eating on their lunch hour and knew someday this boy would grow up and have to be a man in this cold, hard world.

so i kissed his mushy cheeks, let him cry hard over his boo-boos, held his chubby hand, rubbed his little back, and let him be the baby he still is.

the time will come, all too soon, for me to "close the blinds on my windows" (my mother-in-law's advice) while he tests his physical limits by jumping out of trees and reenacting the x-games. soon enough, he'll have to learn to gladly embrace responsibility by following the hard path Christ, the greatest man, charted first - the path of selfless service for the good of others to the glory of God.

on december 4th, he turned 19 months old. and i looked at this face again and was glad to see he still has bugs bunny teeth. guess that means my blinds can be open awhile longer.

 

bottom photos: amaezing productions, tim peterson

Reformations

On this Reformation Day, I'm thankful for the jars of clay God used to show me the all-surpassing greatness of His power, specifically as manifested in the Doctrines of Grace. 

After laboring under the burden of man-centered theology for about 5 years, I was to the end of myself. I so desperately wanted release from the guilty conscience and fear of judgment that relentlessly plagued me. It was about this time, God in His providence, brought me to a red bound book by Martin Luther in the unlikely place of our small library in Cambridge, OH. I found a companion in misery as I read and related to Martin Luther's efforts, trying to keep God's commands and gain acceptance before Him. The more he labored, the more condemnation he felt heaped upon him. But what glorious freedom he discovered when God convinced him of the liberating truth that the righteousness He justly demands, He also justly provides! And so God used the great reformer himself to start a reformation, of sorts, in my heart.

In the fall of that same year, God also used Dr. Michael P. V. Barrett, to continue lifting my eyes from the despair of bad theology to the precious doctrines I now hold so dear. Dr. Barrett's constant refrain, "Read your Bible, people!" still rings in my ears.  It was in the pages of Scripture where I began to grasp the significance of divine sovereignty. I found a theology that puts God where He deserves to be, in control of all things, starting with the salvation of my soul. God used Dr. Barrett's gospel-centeredness (before it was "in") to tear down my self-reliance and pull up all the stakes I had driven. Burdens began to roll as I sat in his class hearing, "The strength of your faith isn't in the amount of your faith, but the Object of your faith!" I saw my gracious God caring for my soul, leading me in the well-worn paths of His electing love for me where His goodness and mercy were literally chasing me down like a dog nipping at my heels. The more I knew of this God the more I loved Him, continuing still to this very day.

It is appropriate then, on the day the start of the Reformation is remembered, to reiterate my thankfulness for all God has done for me in Christ. My conscience is no longer captive to the word of man but to the Word of God. When Satan and my own heart parade all my guilt before me, I don't try harder to muster more faith to believe or dig deeper for more will power to fight against it . I run to Christ, whose work on by behalf stills all my striving.

A hymn that became precious to me during those reforming years is, "Not What My Hands Have Done", by Horatius Bonar.

Not what my hands have done can save my guilty soul;
Not what my toiling flesh has borne can make my spirit whole.
Not what I feel or do can give me peace with God;
Not all my prayers and sighs and tears can bear my awful load.

Your voice alone, O Lord, can speak to me of grace;
Your power alone, O Son of God, can all my sin erase.
No other work but Yours, no other blood will do;
No strength but that which is divine can bear me safely through.

Thy work alone, O Christ, can ease this weight of sin;
Thy blood alone, O Lamb of God, can give me peace within.
Thy love to me, O God, not mine, O Lord, to Thee,
Can rid me of this dark unrest, And set my spirit free.

I bless the Christ of God; I rest on love divine;
And with unfaltering lip and heart I call this Savior mine.
His cross dispels each doubt; I bury in His tomb
Each thought of unbelief and fear, each lingering shade of gloom.

I praise the God of grace; I trust His truth and might;
He calls me His, I call Him mine, My God, my joy and light.
’Tis He Who saveth me, and freely pardon gives;
I love because He loveth me, I live because He lives.

to have and to {loosely} hold

                                      photo: joy mccarnan

you...

seek a city with foundations (Hebrews 13)
boast only in the cross (Galatians 6)
build as a wise builder, on Christ the one foundation of the church (1 Corinthians 3)
preach the gospel of the grace of God (1 Corinthians 9)
love your wife as Christ loved his church and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5)
bring up your children in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6)
live by the Spirit (Galatians 5)
walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5)
love him though you haven't seen him (1 Peter 1)
believe him and are filled with joy (1 Peter 1)
encourage others daily (Hebrews 3)
humble yourself under God's mighty hand (1 Peter 5)
are grasping with all saints how long and deep and high and wide Christ's love is (Ephesians 3)

and
you
are his, not mine.

holding you with loose hands, but holding you still, on your 32nd birthday.
i love you.

The Bible in 8 Months and 10 Days

It doesn't have quite the same ring to it as "The Bible in 90 Days," but I'm not marketing a Bible reading program to a church! :) Last week, I finally finished reading through the Bible, 5 months later than the rest of our congregation, but with God's help, I'm done! God taught me a lot of unexpected lessons through it, some worth recording here so I don't forget and maybe even to encourage you!

When our church announced the program toward the end of last year, I did not want to do it. I loved the approach I was taking of inductively studying through the Bible and had made it from Genesis to II Kings, with some study in Proverbs after Schaeffer arrived. I did not want to interrupt the good thing I had going. I admitted this to Matt but said I was going to do the program with our congregation anyway. His response, "Good. I wondered if I was going to have to make you do it." Nice. A reputation like that won't get you "Pastor's Wife of the Year." We talked about it, and both acknowledged since I am a slower reader coupled with this busy phase of life with young kids, the speed with which I would have to read to keep up was pretty unrealistic for me. I was overwhelmed before it began, but said I would do the best I could with God's help. 

And so it started on January 9. Within a few weeks, others were talking about how much they loved it and were seeing the big picture of Scripture like they'd never seen it before and I just kept thinking how much I wanted to get back to my plan. And so the lessons began. 

1) It didn't take me long to realize I loved my Bible study plan more than I loved God's Word. My tools of study had become more important than the blessed object of my study. Ouch.

2) In order to complete the reading in my life span, I self-imposed a fast from listening to online sermons (outside of our local church) and reading devotional books until I finished reading the Bible through. This fast revealed a few things.

        a) I had neglected to differentiate between what was helpful and what was necessary in my walk with God. John Piper's sermons are amazing. They minister to me and help push me closer to Christ in significant ways, but they aren't necessary for my Christian walk.

        b) I was too preoccupied with what and how much devotional/religious reading I was doing and being in the know about the latest and greatest books available. All the devotional resources we have at our disposal are such a blessing. People who know a lot more than me are writing some really great things from which I can definitely benefit. However, for a heart check going forward, I have to remind myself of Simon Peter's words recorded in John 6:

 “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have
come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.” (emphasis mine)

What anyone else has to say isn't better than what God's Word says and no one else can say it better than God's Word says it.

3) A lot of spiritual activity with reading lists and the devotional gymnastics of journaling, color coded prayer lists and the like, contributed to a self-righteous attitude. When some of those things were removed from my routine to make more time for Bible reading, I realized how much I was relying on them for my secure standing before God instead of Christ's work on my behalf. I didn't "feel" as spiritual because I hadn't jumped through all the hoops I had instituted to "get to God."

4) There are times when reading the Scripture is more force feeding than enjoyable feasting. And that's OK. It's not hypocrisy to read anyway. It's obedience. But I need to pray that God would change my heart and help me taste the sweetness...even in the chronologies. :) Reading my Bible isn't really about me and how it's suiting my palate on any given day. It's about His people, in His place, under His rule. It's His story and although I'm part of it, I need to enjoy and love reading about what He has done, is doing and is going to do because I love Him. That makes for some good eats!  (Delete mental image of Alton Brown.)

 

These lessons aren't profound and some may be unique to my personality and it's dysfunctions. However, this Bible reading program surfaced sin struggles in the seemingly unlikely place of my devotional life. Maybe that's something to which we all can relate. The Scripture provides encouragement and hope for those kinds of sin struggles too. "...everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." (Romans 15:4)

Another School Year

1 Thessalonians 5:14

"And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone."

I picked this verse to challenge my heart as we start the school year - kind of tongue-in-cheek since I spend a lot of time 'warning those who are disruptive' :) - but mostly to remind myself to serve humbly. I need grace to meet each where he or she is, not where I think he or she should be. And this transfers into all of life beyond these four walls.

Today was our first day. We're homeschooling this year. We had a great year at the Christian school last year and Stella benefited in many ways. At this point, it is better for me to bring her back home with us so we can all be on the same routine, I can be more involved, and we can have a bit more time for her to enroll in some extra-curricular activities. We're involved in a local Classical Ed Co-op. She started viola lessons Tuesday and will start art lessons at the end of the month. 

I'm thankful for the opportunity to teach her this year. I remember when it first occurred to me a few years ago after something Pastor Ken said, that we as parents are ultimately responsible for our children's education. We can do it ourselves or we can delegate it to someone else, but the buck stops with us either way. So, this year, we've cut out the middle man. That probably won't always be the case, but this year it is.

Wendy Horger Alsup's post here, was helpful for me as we thought, talked and prayed through this decision. And just recently, Matt sent me this post and book recommendation which is also thought provoking and something we are open-minded about for the future. 

Education is important to us and we hope to give our kids the best quality possible. But as Christians, we have a philosophy of education that is subject to our ultimate mission through Christ's church here on earth. The educational choices for our children will then, by the grace of God, be subject to what furthers that mission in their lives personally, the lives of those in our neighborhood, and our family life as a whole. Everything we do is for the sake of the gospel.

That thought connects me back to the verse I referenced at the beginning from 1 Thessalonians. The context of that passage is the Day of the Lord and our preparation for it. Everything comes full circle. Even my days, spent mostly at home for now, helping the weak and encouraging the disheartened, are furthering the mission, preparing us all for that great Day. 

Motherhood and the Pinnacle of Christian Womanhood

Six years ago today at 8:38 PM, I entered the ranks of those who have gone by the beloved name of  'Mom' for centuries before. I now had my own stories of the physical changes involved in pregnancy, the tipping scales, the unpleasant Dr. appointments, and my own labor and delivery drama. I also could understand the simultaneous joy and fear that grips the heart of a parent when she holds the precious and pathetic fruit of her labor in her arms for the very first time. In some sense, it felt like I had "arrived." But had I really? And if so, to what had I "arrived"?


Following Stella's birth, a dear friend asked me, "So, now do you feel like you've reached the pinnacle of Christian womanhood having given birth to a child?" I thought about the question and wasn't really sure how to answer it. In some ways, it made sense there could be some type of progression upward from becoming a wife to becoming a mother. But on the other hand, I thought of other godly Christian women, like the one who asked me the question, who might never marry or become a mother. And what about those who become a mother by other means like adoption? Were they denied the privilege of this 'pinnacle'?


Since then, I have read many articles and books (thank you Wendy Horger Alsup, girltalkers, and Russell Moore to name a few), listened to many sermons (thank you John Piper and Ken Brown) and have had many gospel discussions (thank you Matthew Owen) which have informed my thinking on the subject quite a bit more. So much so, I thought it only fitting to post some of these thoughts for Stella on her 6th birthday.


I have loved almost every second of the past 6 years. Of course, there was a learning curve and the sleep deprivation and the subsequent physical exhaustion that really is unique to a mom caring for young children. I have celebrated milestones to the hilt, cried my eyes out on the first day of school (and the second, and third, and....), studied toes like a podiatrist, received an honorary Doctor of Medicine for all my google searches of illnesses and webmd inquiries of symptoms and treatments, and cradled babies in my arms in the wee morning hours. I have loved it all.


But none of the jobs or duties, or even the roles, in and of themselves, of being a wife and mother, have made me become more of a godly woman than I was as a single 26-year-old Christian woman seeking to serve God where I worked and in my local church. What I mean by that is, the progression of my Christian womanhood didn't occur on June 15, 2002, at Cambridge Bible Church when I got married, nor did I reach the pinnacle of it on July 28, 2005, at Oakwood Hospital when I became a mom. It occurred thirty some years ago in my grandparent's bedroom when God gave me the gift of faith to believe that Jesus was my only hope. Sin's ultimate power was broken in my life and I was freed to use my womanhood for the glory of Christ. Whatever that was to look like and however, in God's good providence, He would manifest it in my life. 


There are lessons for you here, Stella girl. I don't know if God will have you marry. I don't know if you'll be blessed with academic achievements and a brilliant career. I don't know if you'll ever have children. I don't know what roles you may have, positions you may hold, and acts of service you might perform. But you must remember that your identity is not ultimately in a role or a position or in your abilities. If Christ saves you, His identity is yours.  


For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. (Colossians 3:3, 4)


It can never be taken from you like a role can (husbands can leave, and sadly enough, tragedies can happen leaving some moms without children) or like a position (hello unemployment rate) or like talents and abilities can (arthritis, alzheimer's, cancer, and the list goes on). 


Whom have I in heaven but you?
   And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail,
   but God is the strength of my heart
   and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:25, 26)


The other lesson is one of joy. Your dad read me an excellent quote from Jonathan Edwards the other night on The Good Life. Basically, it is a reminder that we were created to find our ultimate joy in God Himself. So much so that we will be enjoying Him forever - from now through eternity. Our earthly jobs and positions are temporary. I won't be a wife and mom in heaven. Those are wonderful and passing means to the ultimate end of glorifying Him. I don't know what your means will be, but I know what your end should be. Don't waste your time and joy on lesser things. Pursue Him and you won't lack anything even if this world or sadly enough, the church, can make it seem like you're missing out. Seek the Spring of Living Waters and your well will always be full.


Taste and see that the LORD is good;
   blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Fear the LORD, you his holy people,
   for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry,
   but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:8-10)


“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
   the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
   broken cisterns that cannot hold water." (Jeremiah 2:13)


There is nothing better or more fulfilling than knowing Christ. Not even loving and raising you these past six years, my sweet girl. So follow and enjoy Him and you'll reach the pinnacle of Christian womanhood.

I Love Being Ruby's Mom

Usually, on a birthday post, I would reminisce about your different milestones and accomplishments of the year. However, on your 3rd birthday, as I look back, the things that actually stand out most to me are the milestones I have reached because of you.

When Stella went to school last fall, I barely knew the little two-year-old sitting across the table from me at lunch. I think I only saw the challenges your spiritedness provided. As the months passed, my eyes were opened to a new world of appreciation for the unique way God made you - so different from your sister and so different from me.

I often felt like I was going back to the beginning with this whole parenting thing. You made me see things from a perspective I never would've considered. You helped me realize, even in parenting, love doesn't believe the worst. Rather, "Love...is ever ready to believe the best of every person." (I Cor 13:7) And so I had new eyes to watch some of God's beautiful image in you, though still in need of redemption, being expressed.

Mostly, though, you've confronted me with my own selfishness. You wanted to go outside when I would've preferred to stay in. You wanted to run around when I wanted to color with you. You weren't interested in sitting and being drilled on your ABCs. You had to interact, physically handling the magnetic letters and putting them on the fridge as I tried to teach you. And, to be honest, I still don't know if you know your ABCs. And I learned that's OK too. We'll keep working on them. Even in parenting, my agenda isn't the ultimate agenda. God is using you to work on me as He uses me to work on you. I think, in my pride, I had forgotten the first part of the equation. The humbling bottom line is, you have helped me see how far I have to go and how much I have to learn.

Rufey Jean, we love so much about you. We love your determination, your strong will, your nurturing compassion, your competitive fearlessness, and your empathy. 

You remind me of another Ruby. One I read about in John Piper's book, Don't Waste Your Life, during my first few years of marriage. Here's her story:

"In April 2000, Ruby Eliason and Laura Edwards were killed in Cameroon, West Africa. Ruby was over eighty. Single all her life, she poured it out for one great thing: to make Jesus Christ known among the unreached, the poor, and the sick. Laura was a widow, a medical doctor, pushing eighty years old, and serving at Ruby’s side in Cameroon. The brakes failed, the car went over a cliff, and they were both killed instantly. I asked my congregation: Was that a tragedy? Two lives, driven by one great passion, namely, to be spent in unheralded service to the perishing poor for the glory of Jesus Christ—even two decades after most of their American counterparts had retired to throw away their lives on trifles. No, that is not a tragedy. That is a glory. These lives were not wasted. And these lives were not lost. '“Whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it”' (Mark 8:35)."

Dear Ruby! We see the same determined passion in you as was in Ruby Eliason. But not yet set on that 'one great thing' - God and His glory for the good of others. So we continue to plead with God to save you and direct your energies and empathies to His service and His way.

Thank you for what you're teaching me, Rufey Jean. I love all the spiritedness your 24-pound little body holds (and even the overflow which can't be contained in your tiny frame!).  We're going to run our legs off today in your honor...and I better get a head start! Happy 3rd Birthday!

Our Feet are Firm, Held by His Grace

I was attempting to write a thoughtful and touching post for you for our anniversary. But then the kids woke up. So much for thoughts period. It's fitting for our lives at this point though, right? We start the day already behind and collapse exhausted into bed at night with a lot still left undone. I love doing all the crazy hard work this life - and especially this Christian life - requires right beside of you.

This picture makes me laugh. We took it in fun on our wedding day. But it gets more real as the years pass, doesn't it? Having a marriage that glorifies God demands some toughness. And so does training kids, day in and day out, in the way they should go. It's just plain trying and tiring. And daily taking up our cross and following Him has a cost too. But there is grace for all of the obedience and work these things require. It's that grace that's brought us safe to the nine year mark, and that same grace will give us the desire and power to please Him tomorrow and the next day and the next.

"Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. " 

Philippians 2.12, 13

I'm so thankful for what God has done in us the past nine years. Let's keep obeying Him, gritting our teeth and flexing our muscles, working hard by His power with all the energy He supplies, for as long as He gives us.

God's Power and My Black Thumb

When Matt, Stella and Ruby surprised me with these flowers last week, a few conversations followed.

Stella: Daddy, tonight can we pray that God will help Mommy remember to water the flowers we got her?

Stella later that night: Mommy, God is so powerful and He can do anything. He can even help you remember to water your flowers so you won't kill them.

Stella the next morning: Mommy, do you see these little buds that haven't opened? They're green. Is green your favorite color?
Me: Giving her a look that says, "You know what Mommy's favorite color is!"
Stella: Exactly. So you need to remember to water them so they won't be green but will grow into big orange flowers.

Do I have a bad reputation with caring for flowers or what?! I foresee an unfortunate object lesson in the near future explaining to Stella God's power and man's responsibility. Why do my short comings always provide plenty of material from which to teach our kids?

Celebrating Grace: Mother's Day 2011

2 girls

+ 1 boy

  

with bugs bunny teeth

= a very blessed mom

and daughter

remembering the grace of the gospel: a letter for my mom on mother's day 

A story, some verses and a song for your first birthday

In 1966 I joined Operation Mobilization for a year of ministry in France, but spent two years in India instead. While in London that summer, at the one-month OM orientation, I volunteered to work on a clean-up crew late one night.

Around 12:30am I was sweeping the front steps of the Conference Centre when an older gentleman approached and asked if this was the OM conference. I told him it was, but almost everyone was in bed.

He had a small bag with him and was dressed very simply. He said he was attending the conference, so I said, ‘Let me see if I can find you a place to sleep’. Since there were many different age groups at OM, I thought he was an older OMer.

I took him to the room where I had been sleeping on the floor with about fifty others and, seeing that he had nothing to sleep on, laid some padding and a blanket on the floor and used a towel for a pillow. He said it would be fine and he appreciated it very much.

As he was preparing for bed, I asked him if he had eaten. He had not as he had been travelling all day. I took him to the dining room but it was locked. So after picking the lock I found cornflakes, milk, bread, butter and jam — all of which he appreciated very much.

As he ate and we began to fellowship, I asked where he was from. He said he and his wife had been working in Switzerland for several years in a ministry mainly to hippies and travellers. It was wonderful to talk with him and hear about his work and those who had come to Christ. When he finished eating, we turned in for the night.

However, the next day I was in trouble! The leaders of OM really ‘got on my case’. ‘Don’t you know who that man is on the floor next to you?’ they asked. ‘It is Dr Francis Schaeffer, the speaker for the conference!’

I did not know they were going to have a speaker, nor did I know who Francis Schaeffer was, nor did I know they had a special room prepared for him!

After Francis Schaeffer became well known because of his books, and I had read more about him, I thought about this occasion many times — this gracious, kind, humble man of God sleeping on the floor with OM recruits! This was the kind of man I wanted to be.

Of course, I will never attain the intellect, knowledge or wisdom of Francis Schaeffer. But I can reach out to younger people and minister to them in Christ’s name by living a life of humility. What about you?

HT: Evangelical Times

Have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2.5-8

It's not a coincidence the hymn we chose for you before you were born is "May the Mind of Christ My Savior". Our dream for you isn't that you'll be CEO of your own company, although there's nothing wrong with that. And we don't care if you have multiplied degrees to add initials to the end of your name. More than anything, precious son, we plead with Jesus to make you last and least, like He was, so you will know true greatness.

May the mind of Christ, my Savior,
Live in me from day to day,
By His love and power controlling
All I do and say.

May the Word of God dwell richly
In my heart from hour to hour,
So that all may see I triumph
Only through His power.

May the peace of God my Father
Rule my life in everything,
That I may be calm to comfort
Sick and sorrowing.

May the love of Jesus fill me
As the waters fill the sea;
Him exalting, self abasing,
This is victory.

May I run the race before me,
Strong and brave to face the foe,
Looking only unto Jesus
As I onward go.

May His beauty rest upon me,
As I seek the lost to win,
And may they forget the channel,
Seeing only Him.

lyrics: Kate B. Wilkinson

promises

Me: Ruby, I don't want you to turn three! Will you stay two?
Ruby: I will come back to two after I turn "fee".


Last night after reading about Cain and Abel...
Stella: Ruby, I promise I won't ever kill you. Even if I get really angry at you, we'll just work it out.

missing gramps

jerald t. neuhart

feb 3, 1937 - mar 30, 2009

strong working man hands.
8 oz. glass bottles of coke.
CAT heavy equipment.
chevy trucks.
and a God who keeps His promises.
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." philippians 1.6

Online Chore Chart

I think during Spring Break we'll try to implement this chore chart for the girls. I've already input most of their jobs and I think Stella will enjoy some computer time checking off her and Ruby's chores. We've done a paper chart with stickers on the closet door and on the refrigerator. However, our budding artists have their work displayed on these locations now. And to be honest, I can't stand the thought of one more paper floating around this house!!! Have any of you used this site before?

on long winters and a quaking earth

spring is in the air. this song speaks of what we love most about spring - new life. resurrection hope.

this is called...

grace.

need i say more?

i'm loving these

it's nice to have a resource like these ways to play. it's one less thing for me to plan!

To Help Me On To God

The hymn "Am I a Soldier of the Cross?" poses the question, "Is this vile world a friend to grace to help me on to God?"

Of course, no, this vile world isn't a friend to grace. But God in His grace, has put many friends in this world who are helping me on to Him.

I often picture what the events described in 1 Corinthians 3 will be like:

12 Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— 13 each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.

I know that I alone will be responsible for any work that doesn't survive and is burned up. But the work that does survive? That's a different story. I will receive a reward for that? Really? I surely will have to pass off that reward to the others who have helped me build.

And there are many who have helped and are helping me build. Some are friends I have lived closely with - Marcia, Bridget, Joy, Vivian, and Charisse come to mind. Some are friends I haven't necessarily met in person, but who have been a means of grace in my life through their writing and testimony - Elisabeth Elliot Gren, Jim Elliot, Jay Adams, John Piper, Janelle, Nicole, Kristin and Carolyn and others.

But one friend will most definitely deserve my reward instead of me. Elizabeth and I, independently of each other, read Shopping for Time in 2008. A few months later, we were talking about the book and the topic of the "5 AM Club" came up. We both were burdened with not wasting the busy season of motherhood God had us in, and before the conversation was over, we committed to text each other wake up texts early in the mornings (not 5 AM, but still early for us!).  And all praise to Christ, we are still texting each other early in the morning!

Being a night owl, I always preferred reading in the evenings. But then newborns and toddlers came along and my time really was not my own anymore. I needed to rise early if I was going to have meaningful time with the Lord. I think the sentences from the book that God used to get my attention were:

[Quoting Martha Peace] 'I have heard of women who pride themselves on being "night people". That means they have trouble getting up in the mornings because they come alive at night. They may stay up till all hours reading, watching television, or pursuing some sort of interest.  They next morning they are too tired to get up and care for their family... these women are not "night people". They are lazy and selfish. Who would not rather stay up late to do whatever they please and sleep late the next day? Once a young wife begins getting up earlier than her children and husband, she will cease to be a "night person". She will be tired and go to bed at a reasonable hour so she will be there to serve her family the next morning.'

Guilty as charged! We've all been those lazy and selfish women- and continue to battle that temptation. Yet each of us can testify that our early morning time is often more profitably spent than our late-night hours.

And, although there still are those who are more productive at night, rising early has definitely made me less of a night person! It's ironic then, that I'm writing this post after midnight, right? :)

The fruit that rising early has borne in my life is hard to articulate, but I will try. My husband describes spiritual growth in terms of what it's like to see a child again who you haven't seen for a few years. The child's physical growth would be very obvious over time, but day in and day out, if one was watching the child, the growth would barely be detectable. I love that illustration because it reminds me that spiritual growth will happen over time and actually IS happening now. I might not always see it. In fact, I often am only confronted with how short I fall. But day in and day out as I rise early and sit at Jesus' feet and feed on His Word, change is happening in this sinful heart of mine! And that change is helping me to build on the foundation of Jesus Christ. So on the day when I stand before Him, there just might be some work that is not consumed. What a thought! And on that day, I surely will bow my unworthy self low to the ground and thank Him for people like Elizabeth, who helped me on to Him.

our 3 babes

he is almost 10 months old and doesn't have a tooth in his mouth yet. but, the poor babe is miserable. i have a feeling in a few weeks he's going to have a mouth full of chompers. i love his little gums though and am enjoying his toothless grin for a little bit longer!

and this girl...she never sees an obstacle. just a hurdle - literally. she herkies, toe touches, long jumps and high jumps around our house. she will often be seen with a ball in her hand. yesterday she was tossing it up the steps and catching it as it bounced back. and her energy is paralleled only by her compassion. this tough girl has a nurturing heart. and she loves lions. not sure why, but she does. mean ones and nice ones.

and then there's the kindergartener. she's busy pretending to be mrs. hubbard, learning her sight words, vowel sounds,  word families, and numbers, and wishing for snow days and summer break. lunch and recess are still her favorite parts of the day. :) she and her sister love knock knock jokes and can compete with any boy in their potty humor. really. did i just admit that?!

i can't say i wasn't warned

about the love a mama has for her boy.

happy 9 months, little mr.

we love you!

A Feminist by Nature

The other day the girls and I were recounting God's blessings and help to our family through 2010. We were talking about Matt's ordination which prompted Stella to ask, "Can girls be pastors?" "No...", I said, but was interrupted mid-sentence by, "What?! Why not?!" The part of me that is still being sanctified wanted to criticize God's way and affirm my little girl and encourage her to be  "liberated" and "independent." But, thankfully, because God is freeing my feminist heart from the foolishness of the world's way, I said, "The Bible says..." but once again, I was interrupted by an indignant, "That men are better than women?!" So I continued, "No, not at all! The Bible teaches that God made men and women equal in worth. But God has given us different jobs to do...and we have to trust that God's way is best." She was obviously disappointed.

I'm sure this is the first of many conversations we'll have about this subject. Not because there is anything extraordinarily rebellious about Stella above any other girl. But because she's a daughter of Eve - the first woman to believe the Devil's lie and question that God's plan for her was best.

We as women, and humankind in general, need to keep being cured of our suspicions of God. Milton Vincent says, "[T]he gospel changes my view of God's commandments, in that it helps me to see the heart of the Person from whom those commandments come. When I begin my train of thought with the gospel, I realize that if God loved me enough to sacrifice His Son's life for me, then He must be guided by that same love when He speaks His commandments to me. Viewing God's commands and prohibitions in this light, I can see them for what they really are: friendly signposts from a heavenly Father who is seeking to love me through each directive, so that I might experience His very fullness forever."

And I'll need to read that again...and again...when I'm tempted to indignantly question God's wisdom. Stella revealed openly what my heart often says to itself in a more "mature" way. May God help us both to submit to His loving ways and start our thinking with the gospel.

2011

By faith we'll walk as You walk with us.                   -photo by joy m., 2003